The Writing Desk of Jakebe Rabbit

Chest and Triceps

Incline DB Press: 35 lbs.
Bench Press: 75/80 lbs. (up)
Machine Fly: 40 lbs.
Butterfly Press: 20 lbs. (up)
Decline Press: 45/35 lbs. (new)
Skull Crushers: 50/40 lbs.
DB Extensions: 15 lbs.
The Rope: 25/20/15 lbs.

Ryan was *really* motivated yesterday. Wow! His enthusiasm was pretty infectious, and I worked really hard. I tried going up with several exercises; some of them I could hack pretty easily (the bench press) while others nearly floored me (the skull crushers, which are a way better name than 'the French press'). This set pretty much ensured that my arms didn't want to work when I was finished, which is right where I want to be.

I don't want this to turn into another series of just workout stats. More substantial updates coming up soon, I promise.

Running (Apartment)
Time: 30 minutes
Distance: 2.123 miles
Top Speed: 5.4 mph
Top Incline: 4.0%
Calories: 300


I thought I would get in a little run while toob was off enjoying the first day of FC. :) I think I could really use the time to calm my frayed nerves, get some laundry and cleaning done, go over my notes for the Buddhism panel... (and sneak in a few rounds of Rock Band).

The apartment treadmill feels really easy now that I've been pushing myself again on the runs. Still, my legs were grateful for the easy time of it. I have this particular pain in my right leg, down low where it feels like a tendon is connecting to the bone. I don't think it's a tear -- to be honest, I'm not sure what it is -- but it tends to bother me whenever I get in a particularly good run. I'm hoping it's something that will get better on its own, but I suppose I should e-mail my doctor about it.

Right now I'm reading two books aimed for self-improvement: The Writing Diet by Julia Cameron and Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach. The former is a godsend to folks who tend to eat emotionally, even if Cameron insists on using really retarded phrases like "Snack Attack" and "Body Buddy." There's actually a few good ideas in there, namely using writing as a replacement for food when you get that craving, but if she insists on saying "writing yourself right-size" one more time I'm going to scream.

The second book deals with self-image issues from a Buddhist perspective, which I certainly appreciate. It's definitely written in that hug-yourself, New Age tone, but that's not something I mind so much. In fact, I'm wondering if resisting anything written in that tone is a way of pre-emptively invalidating the advice so I don't have to follow it. Oh, the traps we set for ourselves.

I'm getting a lot of mileage out of the book and I'm only two chapters in. After the convention, I'm probably going to be really annoying and talk about it for a few weeks or so. Just so you're warned.

Now: dinner, a bit of reading, and bed. I'm making an early day of it tomorrow so I can get to the con by mid-afternoon. I can't wait to see you guys there!

Time: 20 minutes
Distance: 1.55 miles
Top Speed: 6.1 mph
Calories: 219

Started the exercise routine again, just in time for the holiday season. It's been really sporadic the past couple of months, because of the wedding, and then the move, and then an illness. There's also been lack of discipline on my part, but let's not get into that.

The treadmills at the new apartment are a lot better than the old ones. There are specific programs you can select (Weight Loss, Cardio Health, Performance, Marathon Training, to name just a few) depending on the reasons you run. Of course I'm using Weight Loss; I tried the 40 minute program, with a 3% incline, and could only make it halfway through before I got too winded. I'll be trying again tonight, just to see if I can make it five minutes longer.

( In other news... )

Yesterday's workout:

Time: 20 minutes
Distance: 1.92 miles
Top Speed: 6.5 mph
Calories: 226

My regimen hit a bump today; I found out our exercise room is closed in the morning when I'd want to run. Thankfully, I'll be able to go this evening and tomorrow, but Thursday and Friday will be a trick and a half. That's all right, though, my legs are getting a little sore. ;)

Yesterday I had a SlimFast for breakfast, chicken cranberry salad, yogurt and chips for lunch and sweet and sour chicken for dinner. There was a NutriGrain bar in there, too, two Strawberry Verona cookies (:9) and a Tootsie Roll. Drinks were all coffee and water.

Weight This Week: 175.4 lbs.
Weight Last Week: 173.2 lbs.
Change: +2.2 lbs.

Time: 30 minutes
Distance: 3.02 miles
Top Speed: 6.5
Calories: 359

Chest Press: 100 lbs.
Bent Arm Cable Pulldown: 45 lbs.

I don't get this yo-yoing weight thing. I'm making gains with the running and I had a really good week with the diet, but it doesn't seem to have helped. I think I'll measure chest, waist, stomach, arms and thighs to see what the numbers come out to there; it could be that I've added muscle and lost fat, but I'm not so sure. Either way, it's a little frustrating. I feel great about the exercise, though, and my diet is getting better all the time.

I took a vow of silence yesterday, the first one I've tried in several years. I could only manage for a day, because, well, there's too much else going on for me to do it much longer, but I learned a few things in the relatively short amount of time I was quiet.

It drove poor Ryan crazy. :D That was an expected effect of the experiment, though. I knew it would be rough on him, because we're so used to talking to each other, sharing opinions, helping each other out with our bad memory, offering general input. One of the things this underscored is how much we really do talk to each other, and seek one another out for things, how much we've come to rely on one another for that feedback. It was honestly a worry of mine, that we didn't talk or communicate very well, but those fears have been put to bed; there's always work that can be done, but...I'm a lot more appreciative of what we have.

That being said, things are a lot better when you don't complain about them. :D I've made a lot of progress here, too, but there are times where I can still voice my displeasure a lot, and this got me to think about my reasons why; a friend of mine told me that most of the time we speak it's because we're trying to get something we want, and I've found this to be embarrassingly true for me. When I'm griping, even if I say it's just to vent, it's because I want something: either validation or sympathy, or for someone to do something about my situation. Without that crutch, without that hope that maybe if I speak up I'll get what I want, I found myself far more accepting of things I wouldn't have picked myself. Almost everything was more enjoyable because of this one thing.

This probably doesn't mean that I'll stop complaining. It does mean that I'll complain a lot less; before I gripe, I'll have to honestly consider my reasons for doing so, and the consequences of it. Does this thing really matter enough that I have devote energy into expressing how I'd rather be doing something else? Most of the time, it honestly doesn't.

In general, there's a tendency to fill our lives with noise as distraction from what's really going on around us. Even when there's no radio or iPod or television to provide a running commentary for us when conversation won't do, we block out things with constant mental chatter. We often see and hear the things around us, but it feels very rare that we're actually paying attention. Going silent, even for a day, reminded me of how much more effort I could be putting into the act of observation. There are, of course, less extreme ways for me to realize this, and I think I'll have to play around with ways to make sure I 'listen twice as much as I speak,' to use the expression.

Time: 30 minutes
Distance: 3.02 miles
Top Speed: 6.5 mph
Calories: 359

I've rediscovered Americana, by The Offspring, which is *excellent* music to run to. I now have a healthy glow.

Weight This Week: 175.0 lbs.
Weight Last Week: 176.4 lbs.
Change: -1.4 lbs.

Time: 30 minutes
Distance: 3.00 miles
Top Speed: 6.5 mph
Calories: 357

Chest Press: 100 lbs.
Bent Arm Cable Pulldown: 45 lbs
Stomach Crunches: 30
Push-Ups: 20

Weight This Week: 176.4 lbs
Weight Last Week: 173.6 lbs.
Change: +2.8 lbs.

Chest Press: 100 lbs.
Bent-Arm Cable Pulldown: 45 lbs.
Stomach Crunches: 30

Time: 15 minutes
Distance: ??
Top Speed: ??
Calories: ??

We have two treadmills at our apartment's small fitness center, and one of them (my favorite) was broken. There was a line for the other one on Monday, so I decided to try my hand at running off the treadmill. I was able to go for around half of the route (which is a pretty big block) before I was winded and had to revert to walking. So I walked, ran for a little bit longer and just couldn't get my breath back. I stopped after one walk around the block.

Not sure what happened there. toob says it's likely because I was running faster than I was on the treadmill, which I'll buy, but I tried taking special care to pace myself. I was interested in lasting the whole 30 minutes, after all. I'll definitely have to try again sometime soon.

The weight went up because I ate *so* poorly last week. It was my birthday week, though, so no regrets. I'm really paying attention to what I'm eating now, though.

For the past few nights I've had pretty vivid dreams. Monday, I dreamed that really had to go to the bathroom while the Pledge of Allegiance was being recited at a public event. I knew it was considered the highest insult to leave the room while the Pledge was being said, but I wasn't about to pee myself so I left. After that, during a Q and A session with Barack Obama, the presidential candidate himself called me out for a lack of patriotism. I shot back with the charge that it's ridiculous to expect someone to pee their pants all in the name of love of country. This made him look bad, so he punished me by making me his personal assistant for the day.

The rest of the dream is a bit of a blur, but it ended with us going to this Japanese restaurant, where the kitchen was upstairs in a private space. There was this team of three old men, one making soup, the other making rice, and the other manning the meat and vegetables. I learned how to make egg drop soup, which turned out to be pretty interesting. Barack was making snide comments about my competence the entire time.

Yeah, I don't know what the hell either.

The second dream, on Tuesday, was about our wedding. For some reason Ryan and I decided to have it in the middle of the woods, and the guy who was supposed to drive us to the location (harlkyn; sorry, this is no reflection on what I think of you) was paid off to drop us in the wrong place, where we would then be tortured and then killed. In the dream, I was simultaneously trying to survive the experience and redramatizing it for a horror movie/documentary. Apparently I had this mega-whoopus scene at the end where I'm in leather and I hold up my fist at night, in the rain.

That last bit was awfully embarrassing to admit, come to think of it.

Last night I dreamed about this neighborhood of ghetto shops. Think Santana Row or downtown Eureka Springs, only with chicken joints, liquor stores and run-down pharmacies. I was getting hair extensions so I could have braids, and while we went to a bookstore some disease broke out that killed 80% of anyone it infected. 5% were immune, and the other 15% became zombies.

I forced myself to wake up after I started to be chased; I just decided the dream had become too frightening, and I wasn't having any of it. In hindsight, I'm pretty glad I woke up when I did.

I'm not sure what this all points to. I could be my subconscious jazzing around, or there could be some anxiety about various things playing themselves out. I usually don't remember my dreams this vividly, but I'm really glad my brain is finally letting me in on what it does with itself while my body isn't keeping it occupied.

Weight This Week: 173.6 lbs.
Weight Last Week: 174.0 lbs.
Change: -0.4 lbs.

Chest Press: 80 lbs.
Bent Arm Cable Pulldown: 45 lbs.
Stomach Crunches: 36
Push-Ups: 36

Time: 30 minutes
Distance: 2.84 miles
Top Speed: 6.2 mph
Calories: 330

Weight is, alas, holding steady. I've been measuring myself for the past two weeks, though, and there've been modest gains in all the right places. I'm still working on getting my diet in order, but there's progress there, too.

Had lunch with andreal, toob and mut at Chili's, and Andreal was good enough to make a point of making sure there were meatless options there. Thanks, because I was all ready to get my beef on. Srsly. :)

It's been a relatively quiet weekend. We watched City Lights and Eastern Promises, Mat and I got together a few folks for a birthday dinner and after-dinner drinks, and we've been working our way through season 4 of The Sopranos. Season 3 wasn't so great (in fact, some of the episodes were downright awkward), but this season has been back on form in a big way. One of the excellent things about the show is how it portrays these very awful people in such a complex and sympathetic way. Even psychopathic murderers care about something, right? It doesn't ever excuse what they do, but it gives you an idea of what goes through their heads when all the crap goes down. I'd never, ever want to be friends with Tony Soprano, but I feel for him.

Now, it's on to laundry.

Weight This Week: 174.0 lbs
Weight Last Week: 173.0 lbs.
Change: +1.0 lbs.

Time: 29 minutes
Distance: 2.76 miles
Top Speed: 6.3 mph
Calories: 291