jakebe: (Self-Improvement)
I've been doing all of the usual business for the past few months, to varying degrees of success. I've been trying to eat better, exercise more, read and write more. I can't call myself a healthy eater, or an exercise buff, a writer or an avid reader, but I'm making progress. My goals are getting steadily more difficult and when I fall off the wagon it's easier to pick myself up and get back on.

+ Diet
I found a pretty neat website called Superbetter through Lifehacker, and I have to admit I'm having quite a bit of fun with it so far. It's one of the early projects from Jane McGonigal, who's been preaching a gospel of gamification for the past few years. You know, the idea that you can actually effect positive change by turning a goal into a game. It's an idea I find pretty exciting, because hey -- who doesn't like games?

So besides counting calories (which I'm still doing), I've signed up to Superbetter and it's a place where I pretend to be a super-hero of mental resilience and weight loss. :) I could definitely use some allies, so if you're already on the website or have goals you'd like to hit and are looking for a community to help push you along the way, let me know and we'll hook up. I am...*dramatic pose* The Reading Rabbit.

I took the Full-Plate Diet Power Pack on signing up, and so far I'm digging it quite a bit. The Full-Plate Diet is a relatively simple idea -- basically, you look at eating better as a game of inclusion rather than exclusion. Instead of focusing on all the things you can't have, like sugars and unhealthy fats, you look at including high-fiber whole foods instead. By focusing on finding new foods to love instead of ditching the ones you already do (but aren't serving your waistline well), it makes the whole experience quite a bit more positive.

There are also a few simple tenets that are so...common-sense, it's embarrassing to have to be told this. They are: eat when you're hungry, stop eating when you're not hungry. And: stop to think about what you're choosing to eat. Duh. But it's actually helping me to make better choices and to eat less, so there's that.

This hasn't translated into weight loss yet, but let's see where we are in another month.


+ Exercise
This has been one of those things that are going in fits and starts. I've been trying to focus on running because the Bay to Breakers race is just a few short weeks away, and that hasn't gone too well to say the least.

I've been trying to get into minimal/barefoot running, which means using as little a cushion as possible. This forces you to change your stride to something more...natural, I guess is the right word, because your body knows how to minimize the shock of running a lot better. This presumably reduces the number of injuries you get from running, if you do it right, and since I've had problems with knee pain I figure I'd give it a go.

So I picked up the Nike Free Run+ and a Nike Run sensor for it. So far the shoe isn't quite as minimal as I thought it might be, but it's fine to do this in stages. I'm definitely changing my stride -- my calves and shins are burning like never before after a good run. It's this change and, well, let's be honest, laziness, that makes running a bit more difficult this year. I've only just been able to run for two miles straight without stopping, and went for my longest run yet (4.15 miles) on Saturday. We have a lot of ground to cover if we want to be in fighting shape come mid-May, but Ryan and I are planning to push hard.

In addition to running three times a week, I try to hit the gym thrice a week. Chest and triceps on Sunday, back on Monday, biceps on Thursday or Friday. That leaves Wednesday as our only rest day, which isn't so bad. I like the way that comes off, but the fact remains that we haven't managed a full week yet. I have a good feeling about this one, though.


+ Reading
This is the one area where I'm falling down repeatedly and consistently, I'm ashamed to say. Every time I think about what I'm (not) reading, Stephen King's advice rings like an admonishment in my head. "There are two things a writer must do -- read a lot and write a lot. If you don't have time to do one or the other, you don't have time to be a writer." I'm paraphrasing here, but that's the sentiment and I've taken it to heart.

I think what's getting in the way is the perception that I just don't have time to really sit down and dive into a book. Which is, of course, hogwash. There's always time, I'm just choosing to fill it with something that's not reading. And that's not OK. I always *enjoy* reading once I start, it's just the inertia that gets me. I've spent too much time not-reading and now reading is a habit that's hard to build.

Towards that end I'll be taking my Kindle with me to the work kitchen and reading there while I eat lunch. I could use some time away from my computer (and its distraction of Facebook games) over lunch, and heading off there will allow me to read and pay more attention to what I'm eating. It's a win-win, and I'm sure folks won't mind an hour where I'm out of pocket at least.

Right now I'm reading Mad Ship by Robin Hobb and two apocalyptic/post-apocalyptic short story collections from various folks. What I've found with a lot of anthologies is that writers try to use the opportunity to get cute with their stories, and more often than not that just comes off as annoying. Call me an apocalypse traditionalist, but I'd like to have my PA fiction without any cheeky, self-aware, misanthropic metaphors, thank you.

That being said, there was one story that had a *great* PA world built into it. The story itself was pretty interesting but couldn't quite stick the landing -- the climax just crossed the line of believability. I can't remember the name of it off the top of my head, but I can recommend it. Later. When I remember the title. :)


+ Writing
This actually hasn't been going too badly. I've written a couple of blog entries for my website (http://www.jakebe.com, plug plug) that I wanted to make a bit more polished and professional-looking. I have a bit of a ways to go with that, but we all have to start somewhere. I wanted to talk about writing, stories and how we can learn about or change ourselves through the stories we tell ourselves and the lessons we learn from them. That might change over time, but that's what I'd like to do starting out anyway.

As far as fiction goes, that's stalled just a little bit. I'm writing a short story that'll be shown to a friend, privately, and then after that I'll be moving on to other projects I've been wanting to get off the ground. I'm also running a Pathfinder game and that tends to eat a lot of time for preparation and story development. I've got a really good bunch of players and I don't want to let them down.

So that's pretty much what I've been up to recently. How's everyone else? ;)
jakebe: (Thoughtful)
A few weeks ago we had a friend came visiting us from a pretty far bit away, which gave us the opportunity to see a lot of people we wouldn't have seen otherwise. One of them was a really cool Indian woman who was refreshingly blunt and gregarious. We embraced and regarded another, and she told me with a smile that I looked different.

"Yeah, I gained a little bit of weight," I said half-jokingly.

"You gained a LOT of weight," she told me. I watched what I ate that night, but the damage had mostly been done by that point. My clothes were fitting me less, t-shirts and button-downs stretching over my prominent belly. I was starting to get a little breathless climbing even one set of stairs. Despite this, giving in to the temptation of sweet pastries was far too easy and motivating myself to exercise was far too hard. The result? The numbers on the scale are creeping up steadily.

At the end of his visit, my friend looked me right in the eye. He's British in just about every way possible -- unfailingly polite, with no bone of contention in him. That's why it was so shocking when he told me bluntly, firmly, "You need to lose weight."

That was the wake-up call I needed. I've always known that eating less and exercising more would be a good thing, but in the kind of way that you vaguely know that fire is hot and horses are big. It's not until you're confronted with uncompromising reality that it hits you. Wow. This is absolutely true. Fire is hot. Horses are big. And I weigh too much.

I've gone from a low of 181 pounds earlier this year up to 192 right around now. I wasn't rail-thin down at my 'fighting' weight, and now I'm noticeably...girthy. I was 'blessed' in the genetic lottery with a fat-deposit box of a stomach, so that's what tends to grow first and disappear last. It's a little difficult to shop for clothes at this point; stuff that fits my upper torso well tends to stretch around my stomach, and my pants are forced lower on my hips to make room. It's uncomfortable and it looks bad and it just sucks a lot. Trying to look better is next to impossible until the frame I'm covering actually, you know, looks better.

A recent clothes-shopping trip really brought this home. There were so many pieces I loved, but couldn't pull off because of my body's shape. I think the three-punch of vanity was motivation enough to really dedicate myself to slimming down. Still, motivation doesn't always translate to action, which is the big dilemma right now.

Because despite my best intentions the basic facts remain. I love to eat and I don't really like to exercise. Something has to change in order to beat this -- it goes beyond setting up habits or counting calories or dutifully setting a schedule. I have to find a way to enjoy eating right and exercising, or else none of the changes I want to make stick.

On the other side of the New Year I'll be trying to tackle this. I'll be focusing more on running (both indoors and outdoors) and the elliptical, then stretching to increase my flexibility. Maybe there's a way I can 'gamify' this, at least beyond what you do with Fitocracy. Maybe, with the husband's help, I can set up a little reward program. Run three miles, earn something nice.

Eating is going to be a little more difficult. With sweets I've developed the mindset of the addict -- there's no such thing as a little bite here or a small treat there. I'll have a little bit, and there's a rush of pleasure that immediately needs to happen again, so I'll have more. And then more. Before too long a treat becomes a habit, and I've sabotaged myself with weight gain. Something has to give.

The idea of giving up sweets the way an addict gives up their vice makes the world seem cold and gray. ;) But at this point, it might just be necessary. I don't think I can control myself too well when it comes to cookies, cakes, pastries and candies. I've tried, but there's just no willpower there. I don't mean to trivialize the very real nature of addiction by linking it to my situation, but that's the closest analogy I've got for it. Maybe it's time to drop those sweet things entirely in favor of fruits and yogurts. But in order to make that stick, I have to make a positive choice (I'm going to eat fruits now.) instead of a negative one (I can't have sweets any more.).

Those are just a couple of ideas, and I'll be writing about more as they come to me. I was hoping some measure of public accountability would help me keep on the straight and narrow, but I don't think that'll do the trick any more either. I think I need to become obsessed about food, strict with it; I need to view it as a battle that I'll be fighting my entire life, or maybe more "a game of inches". I need to fight for every inch that I lose, because that's where life happens. In the words of the great Al Pacino.
jakebe: (Default)
Gym (Fat Burner Program)

Time: 32 minutes
Distance: 2.56 miles
Top Speed: 5.0 mph
Top Incline: 5.5%
Vertical Ft: 553
Calories: 430


I twinged my right arm yesterday during the warm-up exercise for yesterday, which makes me feel hella super lame. Ryan thinks I should give lifting a week's rest just to let the muscle heal, so it looks like I'm going to be doing a lot of running in place of heavy lifting.

I thought I would go with something relatively light, but still challenging. After my great 40 minute success, I thought returning to the Fat Burner program that kicked my ass so thoroughly earlier in the year was a great idea. Let's see how I'd do.

Not bad, as it turns out. :) I was able to stick with the program without slowing down once, though the last ten minutes turned out to be pretty damn hard. I'm pretty satisfied with it!

Hopefully I won't be too sore to get in one more run before Bay to Breakers this weekend. If I'm not, that'll be Thursday, followed by the big 7 mile doohickey on Saturday. Hooray!!
jakebe: (Work)
Running (Apartment)
Time: 30 minutes
Distance: 2.123 miles
Top Speed: 5.4 mph
Top Incline: 4.0%
Calories: 300


I thought I would get in a little run while [livejournal.com profile] toob was off enjoying the first day of FC. :) I think I could really use the time to calm my frayed nerves, get some laundry and cleaning done, go over my notes for the Buddhism panel... (and sneak in a few rounds of Rock Band).

The apartment treadmill feels really easy now that I've been pushing myself again on the runs. Still, my legs were grateful for the easy time of it. I have this particular pain in my right leg, down low where it feels like a tendon is connecting to the bone. I don't think it's a tear -- to be honest, I'm not sure what it is -- but it tends to bother me whenever I get in a particularly good run. I'm hoping it's something that will get better on its own, but I suppose I should e-mail my doctor about it.

Right now I'm reading two books aimed for self-improvement: The Writing Diet by Julia Cameron and Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach. The former is a godsend to folks who tend to eat emotionally, even if Cameron insists on using really retarded phrases like "Snack Attack" and "Body Buddy." There's actually a few good ideas in there, namely using writing as a replacement for food when you get that craving, but if she insists on saying "writing yourself right-size" one more time I'm going to scream.

The second book deals with self-image issues from a Buddhist perspective, which I certainly appreciate. It's definitely written in that hug-yourself, New Age tone, but that's not something I mind so much. In fact, I'm wondering if resisting anything written in that tone is a way of pre-emptively invalidating the advice so I don't have to follow it. Oh, the traps we set for ourselves.

I'm getting a lot of mileage out of the book and I'm only two chapters in. After the convention, I'm probably going to be really annoying and talk about it for a few weeks or so. Just so you're warned.

Now: dinner, a bit of reading, and bed. I'm making an early day of it tomorrow so I can get to the con by mid-afternoon. I can't wait to see you guys there!

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