The Writing Desk of Jakebe Rabbit

Weight This Week: 171.0
Weight Last Week: 169.8 lbs.
Change: +1.2 lbs.

Time: 35 minutes
Distance: 3.35 miles
Top Speed: 6.7 mph
Calories: 351

Chest Press: 80 lbs.
Bent Arm Pulldown: 45 lbs.
Crunches: 30
Push-Ups: 30

First of all, congratulations to belly4you for graduating from the University of Arkansas! You've worked really hard for this, and I'm really proud that you've managed to push through the crappy system and everything else that's stood in your way. I only wish I could have been there to tell you this in person. You rock, sista. :D

I know so many great people. People who are driven and eloquent and wise, and full of wonder and questions, who are never content to live an unexamined life. Every one of you, in your own way, encourages me to keep moving and pushing and trying to grow. I'm really grateful for all of you right now.

Haven't called my mother yet, or dad. Or Crystal, or Daro, or any number of people I haven't talked to in a long time. I really miss all of you guys. Thank you for continuing to be patient with my flakiness and flightiness, my awkwardness, my insecurities, and everything.

I'm feeling a lot better, despite everything. There's the constant worry that I'm not a good enough friend, but what can I do...but be a better friend? :) If you get random pings from me before I have to dash off to do something else, just chalk it up to me trying in my own weird scatter-brained way.

So, with all the pontificating I've forgotten to write about general life things. I'll do that now.

The biggest news first: I talked to Charles about my pay situation last week, and he pretty much gave me the lowdown on it. I tried to be smoother by asking him how he thought I was doing, but he figured out what I was after pretty quickly. I mentioned that I know I'm getting paid less than everyone else, he's acknowledged it and said it was mainly because Don doesn't think I deserve the pay. He told me not to worry, though, he'd take care of it.

Yesterday he told me there'd be good news and bad news. The good news is I got a 50 cent raise, but the bad news is I'd be under the very watchful eye of Don. So, increase in pay, but I've put myself in a precarious position. I'm going to *have* to deliver. The thing is, I think I'm on par with the rest of the Bookshop already; there's not much that I do that other employees aren't getting away with. Since Don thinks I'm so far behind everyone else, though, I'll give him exactly what he wants. Namely, productivity at the expense of being social. It's a passive-aggressive way to handle it, but it's also one that leaves me pretty blameless. The capper is I'm *still* not being paid as much as everyone else, but at least the gap has narrowed by half.

I suppose I'm looking at this the wrong way, but...well, my pride is stung. In time I'll probably come to look at it as an opportunity to improve my work ethic, which could always stand to be improved. This'll make it easier to get a good recommendation from those guys when I'm CA-bound and looking for work, and it should make it easier for me to get raises and better positions and everything when I'm out there. So, good deal.

Writing is coming along very slowly. Mostly, I've been working on Smiley Dan's LiveJournal; he has a new layout scheme and color and everything. I think I'll make the journal itself more personal and private, but written to some audience that Dan can't see. He knows it'll be read at some point, hopes for it, in fact...just doesn't want it to be before the Apocalypse has been resolved and things have gone either way. ;) So, all of the entries will be in-character, and the replies will be OOC discussion. This allows me to be completely frank with Dan's journal and not...violating the laws of secrecy that are the hallmarks of all White Wolf games. ;)

Also trying to work on a little short story thing as part of a trade with ladyperegrine. I'm trying to think of something that isn't way too cliche but I'm having a lot of trouble. There's also "Salvation" characters to work on and character descriptions and the like (I would like to finally bunnify Jakebe over on FM). It's just...you know, finding time has been a little difficult.

Started doing zazen and yoga again. I really don't understand how I could have let myself fall off meditation for so long; I think that's a big reason why I've been so grumpy and unfocused with people. I'm still kind of short, but there are *other* reasons for that... ;) It really helps with being aware, though, and not having shoulders that feel like they're hunched up around my ears.

I'd like to take time out to say that daroneasa is an excellent friend and I'm really glad that I know her. *mush*

I think in the past month or so I've gotten fairly intolerant of people I feel are not being very kind to other people. It's always bothered me, this disrespect to others for whatever reason, but lately I've been getting a lot more vocal about it; angry instead of disturbed, more willing to tell someone they're being a putz. I've been trying to back off on just immediately jumping down someone's throat about things, but...I'm more willing to tell someone when I think they're being wrong. I think that's one of the reasons I feel like I've been coming off as such an ass to people in general lately. There's a lot I put up with for a long time that I'm just...less willing to put up with now. I love my friends dearly and to bits, and I know that there are flaws there and everyone has them and that's part of the reason I love them so much. But still...too many people let their flaws and hang-ups hurt other people, and worse, make no effort to change, and worse *still*, try to spin their flaws into strengths or chastise other parties for not taking their flaws in stride. It's not so much that people have flaws, it's that they're completely careless about how they affect other people. Sometimes, "That's just how I am. I accept it, why can't you?" is not adequate justification for being rude or mean to people.

And before anyone thinks this is about them specifically, a disclaimer; it's just...a solidified thought that's culminated from several experience, mostly on-line and some off. This doesn't have to do with any one specific person. We're all cool, OK? :)

Oh! My weight is 153 pounds, and I'd like to get to 150 to be well and truly set. My diet, I think, is just fine, though now that Lent's over I'm really going to have to watch the fast food. It's always easier to watch what you eat *with* someone, and since bamboofae is going on a diet I think I'll have to eat with her a lot more often. ;) Healthy stuff just rubs off on people, you know.

Tonight, I think I'll watch "Hustle and Flow" after work. Daro, Delphi, V, Crystal...anyone want to come over and watch Terrence Howard be a pimp?