The Writing Desk of Jakebe Rabbit

So I made this big series of posts about depression, and ever since then I've been largely quiet here except for little micro-blogs or workout stats. Sorry about that; I'm trying to get 'round to my more traditional tl;dr posts, but I'm terrible with time management these days.

A quick rundown of what I've been up to these past few months:

+ Working. With tax season approaching and my workplace gearing up for a shutdown, things got really busy for a while. Now, with people *back* from the shutdown, things are busy for a little bit but they're calming down rapidly. Usually I would be slammed with helping people send Certified mail all day, and after exercise I'd be too wiped out to do anything but watch TV.

+ Writing. Nothing that's ready to show yet, but I've been working on a few things that I'm excited about. It's all streaky, of course, so I'll do a fairly big chunk in three days, then let it all sit for a month and a half. But, you know, spotty progress is better than none. :)

+ Self-reflection. Not too much mind you, and not the depressive kind. Just learning about myself and the ways I've changed in the past few years, since moving out here. It's really important to me right now to figure out who I am.

+ Self-improvement. I've been working to be consistent with all the things I've been wanting to do: meditation, writing, reading, catching up with correspondence and the like. I've been making progress, but I still have a long way to go. I'm also going to be learning to drive in the next couple months and likely getting a car.

+ Bunches of Miscellaneous Things. Playing Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic, planning a few trips for this year, watching TV, being with Ryan, hanging out with friends...the usual business. The past few months have been really good, to be honest, but I still suck to high heaven at time management. :)

Just thought I would write this quick note while I had 15 minutes at work. How're y'all doing? ;)

I'm grateful for comfort food, today. Right now we have a fridge full of the all-time greats -- cold turkey, mashed potatoes, apple pie, and pints of Ben and Jerry's ice cream. The holidays have arrived in full force, much to my joy.

Today Ryan and I watched a couple of movies, played a video game or two, rested up and just enjoyed each other's company. Right now he's sleeping on the couch while I type, poor dear, because his back is giving him a spot of trouble. These extra two days were just what we needed to take it easy for a few days without worrying about getting right back into the grind.

My personal grind has been a little stressful as of late; I've taken on a new position at work that basically means a bit more responsibility for the same pay. I don't mind this, but I'm really starting to feel the sting of being a contractor for a large corporate company. I miss the less rigid structure of the small company, and I might return to it once my contact is up next June. Anyway, my schedule's changed so that I'm getting up before 6 every morning to open up the place where all of the real employees come to get their perks and mail stuff off. We're a nexus for a bunch of different departments in the company. It's pretty neat, even if there's a lot to keep track of.

My coworker and friend is off to another department now that he's trained me, and his presence is definitely missed; he makes the job look easier than it is because he's that good. It sucks that he's going but he's in a better place now, where he can chase butterflies through waving emerald fields as much as he likes.

Well, at least he can take breaks and lunches whenever. ;)

Anyway, I'm learning the ropes in the position right in time for the holiday shipping season, which is ungodly busy. The work has been ramping up steadily the past couple weeks, and I had my first jaw-droppingly stressful day earlier this week. I've known this for a long time, but I really don't deal with stress well. I have to get better at being relatively unflappable; or else all of those corporate employees will just eat me alive. They can sense weakness, you know. They taste fear in the air.

Other areas are faring pretty well. I've gotten a semi-regular writing practice, though it's still not to the point where I'm writing every day. Well, I *am* writing every day, but I'm not working on stuff that is meant for public consumption every day. There, that sounds better. :) I'm rather pleased with the way it's been going; the story I'm working on has been flowing pretty naturally, and while I do hit snags occasionally and some editing will almost certainly be necessary I don't feel like it's a monumental waste of time and words. It's not Shakespeare, and most of you will never, ever read it, but still...it feels good to get out.

My D+D game is on a small hiatus while one player is out of town, which is fine; it gives me time to work out a few of the kinks in the story so far. It's really involved work, but it's been an absolute joy to do; my players are good, I think they're engaged in the situation and their characters, and I really love the world that I'm writing in. I'm already germinating ideas for other modes of storytelling; a possible comic book, a collection of short stories, that sort of thing. We'll see whether any of that goes anywhere sometime soon. :)

Right now, though, it's time for a cup of tea and the second half of a movie. Tomorrow I run, I promise.

So, with all the pontificating I've forgotten to write about general life things. I'll do that now.

The biggest news first: I talked to Charles about my pay situation last week, and he pretty much gave me the lowdown on it. I tried to be smoother by asking him how he thought I was doing, but he figured out what I was after pretty quickly. I mentioned that I know I'm getting paid less than everyone else, he's acknowledged it and said it was mainly because Don doesn't think I deserve the pay. He told me not to worry, though, he'd take care of it.

Yesterday he told me there'd be good news and bad news. The good news is I got a 50 cent raise, but the bad news is I'd be under the very watchful eye of Don. So, increase in pay, but I've put myself in a precarious position. I'm going to *have* to deliver. The thing is, I think I'm on par with the rest of the Bookshop already; there's not much that I do that other employees aren't getting away with. Since Don thinks I'm so far behind everyone else, though, I'll give him exactly what he wants. Namely, productivity at the expense of being social. It's a passive-aggressive way to handle it, but it's also one that leaves me pretty blameless. The capper is I'm *still* not being paid as much as everyone else, but at least the gap has narrowed by half.

I suppose I'm looking at this the wrong way, but...well, my pride is stung. In time I'll probably come to look at it as an opportunity to improve my work ethic, which could always stand to be improved. This'll make it easier to get a good recommendation from those guys when I'm CA-bound and looking for work, and it should make it easier for me to get raises and better positions and everything when I'm out there. So, good deal.

Writing is coming along very slowly. Mostly, I've been working on Smiley Dan's LiveJournal; he has a new layout scheme and color and everything. I think I'll make the journal itself more personal and private, but written to some audience that Dan can't see. He knows it'll be read at some point, hopes for it, in fact...just doesn't want it to be before the Apocalypse has been resolved and things have gone either way. ;) So, all of the entries will be in-character, and the replies will be OOC discussion. This allows me to be completely frank with Dan's journal and not...violating the laws of secrecy that are the hallmarks of all White Wolf games. ;)

Also trying to work on a little short story thing as part of a trade with ladyperegrine. I'm trying to think of something that isn't way too cliche but I'm having a lot of trouble. There's also "Salvation" characters to work on and character descriptions and the like (I would like to finally bunnify Jakebe over on FM). It's just...you know, finding time has been a little difficult.

Started doing zazen and yoga again. I really don't understand how I could have let myself fall off meditation for so long; I think that's a big reason why I've been so grumpy and unfocused with people. I'm still kind of short, but there are *other* reasons for that... ;) It really helps with being aware, though, and not having shoulders that feel like they're hunched up around my ears.

I'd like to take time out to say that daroneasa is an excellent friend and I'm really glad that I know her. *mush*

I think in the past month or so I've gotten fairly intolerant of people I feel are not being very kind to other people. It's always bothered me, this disrespect to others for whatever reason, but lately I've been getting a lot more vocal about it; angry instead of disturbed, more willing to tell someone they're being a putz. I've been trying to back off on just immediately jumping down someone's throat about things, but...I'm more willing to tell someone when I think they're being wrong. I think that's one of the reasons I feel like I've been coming off as such an ass to people in general lately. There's a lot I put up with for a long time that I'm just...less willing to put up with now. I love my friends dearly and to bits, and I know that there are flaws there and everyone has them and that's part of the reason I love them so much. But still...too many people let their flaws and hang-ups hurt other people, and worse, make no effort to change, and worse *still*, try to spin their flaws into strengths or chastise other parties for not taking their flaws in stride. It's not so much that people have flaws, it's that they're completely careless about how they affect other people. Sometimes, "That's just how I am. I accept it, why can't you?" is not adequate justification for being rude or mean to people.

And before anyone thinks this is about them specifically, a disclaimer; it's just...a solidified thought that's culminated from several experience, mostly on-line and some off. This doesn't have to do with any one specific person. We're all cool, OK? :)

Oh! My weight is 153 pounds, and I'd like to get to 150 to be well and truly set. My diet, I think, is just fine, though now that Lent's over I'm really going to have to watch the fast food. It's always easier to watch what you eat *with* someone, and since bamboofae is going on a diet I think I'll have to eat with her a lot more often. ;) Healthy stuff just rubs off on people, you know.

Tonight, I think I'll watch "Hustle and Flow" after work. Daro, Delphi, V, Crystal...anyone want to come over and watch Terrence Howard be a pimp?