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Professional Failure Post-Mortem
Jun. 26th, 2019 09:58 am
It's been a week since I was fired from my day job. The final dismissal paperwork has been signed, I've formally agreed not to say anything disparaging about my former company, and both sides are just about ready to move on. All that's left is for my final severance check to arrive and my insurance benefits to expire at the end of the month.
I was braced for it to happen, though there was some small hope I would be able to turn it around at the end. The Professional Improvement Plan was slated for six weeks divided into two review periods, and I had to have at least a "Green" rating for one (no major issues) and no more than a "Yellow" on the other (1-3 issues). I received an "Orange" for QR #1 and a "Yellow" for QR #2, though I have to say that the feedback I received throughout the review process seemed to indicate there was a thumb on the scale against me.
Using the wrong transitional phrase was frequently cited as a major issue throughout multiple reviews. For example:
"Otherwise" was tagged as harsh language that would likely escalate a situation. It was suggested that I use "in the meantime" as a replacement. On the next review, using "in the meantime" was cited as a major issue and a different transitional phrase was recommended for that ticket.
There were a number of 'major issues' that felt more like style notes than anything, and it felt like I was being frequently docked for language that could only be viewed as hostile with very ungenerous interpretation. It was frustrating to put in a concerted effort to get on board with the program, only to have the goalposts moved time and again. I can only think that they had decided I wasn't working out some time ago and this whole process was to document I had been given a fair shake on the record.
I have to be honest here, though: I brought a lot of faults to the table. I honestly thought my soft skills were better than they were, and I hadn't realized how different a communication style was needed for this job. At my last day job, I was speaking with business professionals -- even if, say, an email marketer wasn't well-versed in the nuts and bolts of the application, they at least knew what a web browser was. In this position, I was not prepared for the lack of basic computer knowledge, knowledge about what the customer had bought, or the sense of entitlement people had. It was really rough for me to keep my temper in check dealing with rude customers who would demand things that couldn't be done and wouldn't listen to you explain how things actually worked. On top of that, keeping the approved language in mind as well as the ever-shifting regulations and workflows that weren't well-documented.
It sounds like I'm blaming the customer, and the workplace, and my managers for what happened. And I am. :) But I stepped into the role overestimating my abilities and misreading the feel of the department. It was really hard for me to recover from that once I realized it, and I got my act together a bit too late. In hindsight, I was probably a little too free with discussing the difficulty I was having with regulating my emotions or disclosing my anxiety disorder. Once that was floating in the ether with management, it's quite likely they decided I was fundamentally unfit for the position.
And maybe they're right. While I still love the company and the service it provides, I can't say I'll look back fondly on my time there. At the same time, a lot of my personal flaws were shown in stark relief and I'm grateful for the opportunity to see them so clearly. I really do need to develop better communication skills, figure out better coping strategies for my ADHD, rejection-sensitive dysphoria and anxiety disorder, and have a more balanced perspective about my capabilities and how they can best be applied to a position.
I'm taking the time between jobs to work on myself. I'm brushing off the open online courses I've been hoarding so I can be a better writer, learn faster, and gain technical skills that'll help me land a better job. There's one position I feel really good about, and hopefully there'll be word on whether or not I've got the job this week.
Until then, all I can do is keep pushing.
I was braced for it to happen, though there was some small hope I would be able to turn it around at the end. The Professional Improvement Plan was slated for six weeks divided into two review periods, and I had to have at least a "Green" rating for one (no major issues) and no more than a "Yellow" on the other (1-3 issues). I received an "Orange" for QR #1 and a "Yellow" for QR #2, though I have to say that the feedback I received throughout the review process seemed to indicate there was a thumb on the scale against me.
Using the wrong transitional phrase was frequently cited as a major issue throughout multiple reviews. For example:
"Please let me know if you have any further questions or concerns. Otherwise, I will close your ticket for now."
"Otherwise" was tagged as harsh language that would likely escalate a situation. It was suggested that I use "in the meantime" as a replacement. On the next review, using "in the meantime" was cited as a major issue and a different transitional phrase was recommended for that ticket.
There were a number of 'major issues' that felt more like style notes than anything, and it felt like I was being frequently docked for language that could only be viewed as hostile with very ungenerous interpretation. It was frustrating to put in a concerted effort to get on board with the program, only to have the goalposts moved time and again. I can only think that they had decided I wasn't working out some time ago and this whole process was to document I had been given a fair shake on the record.
I have to be honest here, though: I brought a lot of faults to the table. I honestly thought my soft skills were better than they were, and I hadn't realized how different a communication style was needed for this job. At my last day job, I was speaking with business professionals -- even if, say, an email marketer wasn't well-versed in the nuts and bolts of the application, they at least knew what a web browser was. In this position, I was not prepared for the lack of basic computer knowledge, knowledge about what the customer had bought, or the sense of entitlement people had. It was really rough for me to keep my temper in check dealing with rude customers who would demand things that couldn't be done and wouldn't listen to you explain how things actually worked. On top of that, keeping the approved language in mind as well as the ever-shifting regulations and workflows that weren't well-documented.
It sounds like I'm blaming the customer, and the workplace, and my managers for what happened. And I am. :) But I stepped into the role overestimating my abilities and misreading the feel of the department. It was really hard for me to recover from that once I realized it, and I got my act together a bit too late. In hindsight, I was probably a little too free with discussing the difficulty I was having with regulating my emotions or disclosing my anxiety disorder. Once that was floating in the ether with management, it's quite likely they decided I was fundamentally unfit for the position.
And maybe they're right. While I still love the company and the service it provides, I can't say I'll look back fondly on my time there. At the same time, a lot of my personal flaws were shown in stark relief and I'm grateful for the opportunity to see them so clearly. I really do need to develop better communication skills, figure out better coping strategies for my ADHD, rejection-sensitive dysphoria and anxiety disorder, and have a more balanced perspective about my capabilities and how they can best be applied to a position.
I'm taking the time between jobs to work on myself. I'm brushing off the open online courses I've been hoarding so I can be a better writer, learn faster, and gain technical skills that'll help me land a better job. There's one position I feel really good about, and hopefully there'll be word on whether or not I've got the job this week.
Until then, all I can do is keep pushing.
