Poem: One Step Closer

This is a rough draft.

**********
One Step Closer

scribble, scribble, scribble
always aiming for that next big thing
the fix that takes you
straight to the top.
eyeballing, looking, seeking, craving
those perfect pieces
some of thos things that lock just right
under your nose
stupid
scribble, scrib
ble
and then the falter
the backtracking, the shame
of blowing a literary wad all over the faces
disapproving pedestrians who walk taller than you
you have broken your stride
in the middle of the street
scri...

the strong case of buyer's remorse
the red-faced turn-tail back to the graveyard
another funeral for another dead idea
and again, you've spoken too soon
lips pursed and amazed at your clever po-mo structure
you flew until humid
and the sweat from your brow came undone
the xeroxed copies of Munchausen's wing
that you've fashioned into a hippoglib
and again, you have spoken too soon
bow your head, boy
it's gonna be a long prayer tonight

haven't you ever wanted to be beat?
a new york city cabbie with change and cigarettes to spare
worldly and wise and very, very witty
but hey -- you get paper cuts there, too
it's a grand old time with the smoke and mirrors
a satisfactory distraction
a whirlwind of worldling dervishes
that just wanna give ya a little
fame and fortune
but that eye is looking mighty calm
maybe if you just head to the center
and some place you can
hold

from that center
everything is visible.
everything is close.
you can time the arrow,
you can time the rhythm with which you make it fly.
everything...
scribble, scribble
write.

Assuage

Hey there...

Got to see Waking Life last night. Man, that was such a great movie. Once I recover from con, it's definitely going to be something I own.

I've been wondering a lot about Zen nature, recently. It's something that I've taken to thinking that I understand, at least on some level, but actually it's only the vapor of understanding that could coalesce into something more tangible later or not. The key is to not think about it so much.

A situation sprouted up here among the local furs recently that was just...a bad situation. No one really chose to handle it the most compassionate way possible, so naturally I had to go and voice my opinion that I thought people were 'doing it wrong'. Not only did this get a lot of folks just pissed off, it just made me feel like a complete and total heel for being presumptuous about taking the moral high road.

I love to give advice. I love to be idealistic about the way things 'should be'. People should respect one another, people should have empathy for another's feelings, motivations and situation. People should know how shitty it is to be treated a certain way and never want to treat another person in like manner, etc. etc. There's nothing wrong, I suppose, in expecting a certain level of compassion out of people, but...well, with expectations, there's always disappointment.

Why should I expect these people to adhere to codes of conduct they never agreed to in the first place, heck, that they don't even know about, and more importantly don't care about?

How do you handle something like that diplomatically?

There's a lot that I disagree with. I have a very strong opinion on a lot of things that are important to me. The rest of the world, however...is a very random and uncompromising place sometimes. Isn't it pretty egocentric to think that it should be anything else? Shouldn't I be...letting go of these expectations, these desires to see people treated better? Compassion without expectation, compassion for compassion's sake, that's the goal.

I'm troubled because I can't shake the disappointment. The disappointment in the people who are principals in the situation, disappointment in myself for not handling it better...diappointment for being disappointed. I don't like the feeling developing for some folks, it's just...harder to be compassionate when you feel that way.

Black Bear came to a meeting late and said, "I'm feeling frazzled after dealing with my cubs. What if I don't feel compassionate?"

Raven said, "Fake it."

"That doesn't seem honest," said Black Bear.

"It doesn't begin with honesty," said Raven.

A Rambling Confessional

Hey there, all...

Welcome to astor_apatosaur and mysticleopard, and thanks everyone for the comments about the last post. I think I've pretty much chalked up the situation as a mistake I've learned from, and I'm going to let it go at that.

duncanroo mentioned this, and so did a couple of other people I've talked to about the whole thing, and it's got me thinking...

( Don't read this. No, really. )

Poem: Croupy

Inspired by Neil Gaiman's Neverwhere, which I am off to read.

Vive le bad poetry. :)

**********
Croupy

Look up.
Look up, dear.
Yes, right here.
That's right!
I am your headlights.