Across Compassion
Jan. 22nd, 2003 11:27 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jakebe
Hey there, all...
Day's turning out to be pretty OK. Had a nice long talk with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
2_gryphon about all kinds of Important Stuff, and I feel better, I hope he does, too.
I would very much like to be a rock for people to lean on, one of those stalwart, always there kind of people that people know will make them feel better no matter what. I would like to think that I could still maintain the ideal of human beauty and compassion in the worst circumstances, that the light of wonder and hope and everything that I'd consider to make humans worthy of our 'special' status will never fade from my mind, no matter the devastation. I know, beyond the shadow of all doubts, though, that I am a long way off from achieving that state.
A lot of it, I think, is that I haven't cultivated the ideal of selflessness. So many people down the idea of being completely selfless, like selfless = victim, or needlessly pious, or just stupidly and blindly putting other people's needs before your own, ignoring your own well-being. Selflessness is more than that, though. It's *needing* to put other people's needs before your own, so that when you give someone that piece of food that put you between starvation and survival for the next little bit, everyone's needs are fulfilled.
There's a simple purity in the selfless, contemplative existence that I adore. There's also a sense of self-reliance ingrained in that attitude. Everything you need to survive is what you create. I suppose in a base, psychological way, the idea of not being hurt by other people's actions has a pretty big pull, too. People are people, and as such they're imperfect. That's really hard to accept sometimes, though.
jtskunk pointed out the atrocities that were going on in Israel in his journal, and it's...enough to make you despair on the state of the world, just knowing that something that horrific is going on, and its perpetrators are people who should know better, and everyone who are best equipped to do something about it are just turning the other way and focusing on war-mongering of their own. It's overwhelming to think about. There comes a point where the conflict loses all sense and cohesion, and the object is no longer to stop the conflict but to hurt as many people as possible. What I've been reading tells me that somehow Israel crossed that line a long time ago, and there aren't many people who know anything about it.
That's why I think it's insanely important for some of us to strive to that selfless state of existence. There are so many people who are so ready to sink to such ugly levels, and when ugliness is all you see around you it's that much more important to try and foster anything beautiful that you can. It's past the point that anyone can just sit back and watch everything that's worth it get swallowed up by shit. I think it's time more people became aggressively positive.
Played Dungeons and Dragons last night, and while I kind of hesitate to give game summaries in the Journal, this one deserves mention.
Our party consists of me, Brobin, an Avar (anthro-birds) 9th lvl Ranger/Fighter, Cynthia(?), a Skaven (anthro-rats) 8th lvl Cleric of Wee Jas, and Cirkin, an Otrine (anthro-otters) 7th lvl Monk. We live in a small town called Rinlin, where there isn't too terribly much to do but slay orcs, the occassional ogre and the gobs upon gobs of really, *really* annoying kobolds.
One day, we were supposed to bodyguard a halfling merchant as he traveled from Fourgates (the nearest 'big' city) back home to Rinlin. Turns out, the bastard was a kobold wizard who was holding a grudge because we killed his brother, and there was hell to pay. We ended up slaying the entire village, of course, including women and children, but by then we had lost it a bit; those assholes *kept*....you don't want to know. Needless to say, our rampage was understandable, if not justified.
Without even realizing it, that incident had a pretty polarizing effect on our party. Brobin felt bad about losing his composure, and has since then made it a point to uphold a loosely-formed 'code' in combat, which is to say, never kill anyone unless they're out to kill you (and capable of it). Since most women and children either aren't out to kill you or aren't capable, simple incapacitation will do. Cynthia has been pretty much the same, but Cirkin...whoo...Cirkin has been steadily falling downhill, doing things you wouldn't expect a Monk to do, even a Lawful Neutral one.
Things sort of came to a head last night. We were sent to investigate (and if possible, neutralize) several orc encampments rumored to be amassing to the north and east of town. We found one orcish 'fort' and pretty much slaughtered them all. Of course, party dissention was beginning right then; Cynthia and Cirkin saw nothing wrong with burning the fort down with everyone inside it, but Brobin voiced a distinct unease with the plan. Eventually, with a minor compomise, everyone went along and it went all right, with a minimum of injury...until a manticore decided to make Brobin a chew-toy. Let me tell you, it sucked.
Anyway, we defeated the manticore, but by then we were all a little pissed off. Being slightly young adventurers has a tendency to give us all slight tempers. (Out of all of us, in fact, I think the Cleric has only gotten pissed off once, and that was last night.) Anyway, we decided to go investigate another orcish stronghold, this one being a cave. Everything was going well...up to the point that we ran into our first orc child.
Cynthia killed him outright before she realized what he was, and felt pretty bad about it. We were saving an elven wizard by the name of Pyriel, and he was bringing food to her. We ran into a whole room of orc mothers and children later, and it ended in a Mexican standoff that likewise...ended badly. Three of them died outright, then Pyriel had the other three calmed (she speaks Orc, how handy!) before Cirkin just...inexplicably reached over and kicked an orc baby.
What happened next was pretty weird. Pyriel threw magic missiles at the three remaining mothers, killing them(!), and I dragged Cirkin away from the fracas. This is when our Cleric got pissed off, refused to heal him for what she considered a stupid action, and Cirkin walked off to the next part of the cave, visibly pissed. We ran into a Cleric of an orc god, dispatched of him easily enough, and Cirkin kicked over the altar before Cynthia could do it. This just pissed her off a bit more. Then our Monk walked over with an axe to take care of the children we left in the other room. When Brobin put himself between them and him, he tried to attack, missed, and Brobin slammed the flat of his sword into his face.
In the meantime, we were debating what to do about the children. Cynthia thought that killing them was a good idea, but Brobin and Pyriel adamantly opposed. Ultimately, the elf and the Avar accepted the charge of raising the orcs and turning them into upstanding members of society. With that resolved, Pyriel and Cynthia looked around the cave to see if there were more orcs to slay/raise, while Brobin stayed with Cirkin. Eventually, Cirkin escaped and ran off, while the rest of the party decided to head back to Rinlin to drop off the orcs and some treasure we picked up.
I have to say, that was the most enjoyable, creative game of D and D I've had in a long time. Here's to Silver, Cirkin's player, for retiring his character in style!
Things to do today:
1. Write!
2. Start sacking clothes and other things that I don't use/need.
3. Shave my head.
4. Read!
5. Budget my money for the next few months. PMP to pay for.
Day's turning out to be pretty OK. Had a nice long talk with
2_gryphon about all kinds of Important Stuff, and I feel better, I hope he does, too.I would very much like to be a rock for people to lean on, one of those stalwart, always there kind of people that people know will make them feel better no matter what. I would like to think that I could still maintain the ideal of human beauty and compassion in the worst circumstances, that the light of wonder and hope and everything that I'd consider to make humans worthy of our 'special' status will never fade from my mind, no matter the devastation. I know, beyond the shadow of all doubts, though, that I am a long way off from achieving that state.
A lot of it, I think, is that I haven't cultivated the ideal of selflessness. So many people down the idea of being completely selfless, like selfless = victim, or needlessly pious, or just stupidly and blindly putting other people's needs before your own, ignoring your own well-being. Selflessness is more than that, though. It's *needing* to put other people's needs before your own, so that when you give someone that piece of food that put you between starvation and survival for the next little bit, everyone's needs are fulfilled.
There's a simple purity in the selfless, contemplative existence that I adore. There's also a sense of self-reliance ingrained in that attitude. Everything you need to survive is what you create. I suppose in a base, psychological way, the idea of not being hurt by other people's actions has a pretty big pull, too. People are people, and as such they're imperfect. That's really hard to accept sometimes, though.
jtskunk pointed out the atrocities that were going on in Israel in his journal, and it's...enough to make you despair on the state of the world, just knowing that something that horrific is going on, and its perpetrators are people who should know better, and everyone who are best equipped to do something about it are just turning the other way and focusing on war-mongering of their own. It's overwhelming to think about. There comes a point where the conflict loses all sense and cohesion, and the object is no longer to stop the conflict but to hurt as many people as possible. What I've been reading tells me that somehow Israel crossed that line a long time ago, and there aren't many people who know anything about it.That's why I think it's insanely important for some of us to strive to that selfless state of existence. There are so many people who are so ready to sink to such ugly levels, and when ugliness is all you see around you it's that much more important to try and foster anything beautiful that you can. It's past the point that anyone can just sit back and watch everything that's worth it get swallowed up by shit. I think it's time more people became aggressively positive.
Played Dungeons and Dragons last night, and while I kind of hesitate to give game summaries in the Journal, this one deserves mention.
Our party consists of me, Brobin, an Avar (anthro-birds) 9th lvl Ranger/Fighter, Cynthia(?), a Skaven (anthro-rats) 8th lvl Cleric of Wee Jas, and Cirkin, an Otrine (anthro-otters) 7th lvl Monk. We live in a small town called Rinlin, where there isn't too terribly much to do but slay orcs, the occassional ogre and the gobs upon gobs of really, *really* annoying kobolds.
One day, we were supposed to bodyguard a halfling merchant as he traveled from Fourgates (the nearest 'big' city) back home to Rinlin. Turns out, the bastard was a kobold wizard who was holding a grudge because we killed his brother, and there was hell to pay. We ended up slaying the entire village, of course, including women and children, but by then we had lost it a bit; those assholes *kept*....you don't want to know. Needless to say, our rampage was understandable, if not justified.
Without even realizing it, that incident had a pretty polarizing effect on our party. Brobin felt bad about losing his composure, and has since then made it a point to uphold a loosely-formed 'code' in combat, which is to say, never kill anyone unless they're out to kill you (and capable of it). Since most women and children either aren't out to kill you or aren't capable, simple incapacitation will do. Cynthia has been pretty much the same, but Cirkin...whoo...Cirkin has been steadily falling downhill, doing things you wouldn't expect a Monk to do, even a Lawful Neutral one.
Things sort of came to a head last night. We were sent to investigate (and if possible, neutralize) several orc encampments rumored to be amassing to the north and east of town. We found one orcish 'fort' and pretty much slaughtered them all. Of course, party dissention was beginning right then; Cynthia and Cirkin saw nothing wrong with burning the fort down with everyone inside it, but Brobin voiced a distinct unease with the plan. Eventually, with a minor compomise, everyone went along and it went all right, with a minimum of injury...until a manticore decided to make Brobin a chew-toy. Let me tell you, it sucked.
Anyway, we defeated the manticore, but by then we were all a little pissed off. Being slightly young adventurers has a tendency to give us all slight tempers. (Out of all of us, in fact, I think the Cleric has only gotten pissed off once, and that was last night.) Anyway, we decided to go investigate another orcish stronghold, this one being a cave. Everything was going well...up to the point that we ran into our first orc child.
Cynthia killed him outright before she realized what he was, and felt pretty bad about it. We were saving an elven wizard by the name of Pyriel, and he was bringing food to her. We ran into a whole room of orc mothers and children later, and it ended in a Mexican standoff that likewise...ended badly. Three of them died outright, then Pyriel had the other three calmed (she speaks Orc, how handy!) before Cirkin just...inexplicably reached over and kicked an orc baby.
What happened next was pretty weird. Pyriel threw magic missiles at the three remaining mothers, killing them(!), and I dragged Cirkin away from the fracas. This is when our Cleric got pissed off, refused to heal him for what she considered a stupid action, and Cirkin walked off to the next part of the cave, visibly pissed. We ran into a Cleric of an orc god, dispatched of him easily enough, and Cirkin kicked over the altar before Cynthia could do it. This just pissed her off a bit more. Then our Monk walked over with an axe to take care of the children we left in the other room. When Brobin put himself between them and him, he tried to attack, missed, and Brobin slammed the flat of his sword into his face.
In the meantime, we were debating what to do about the children. Cynthia thought that killing them was a good idea, but Brobin and Pyriel adamantly opposed. Ultimately, the elf and the Avar accepted the charge of raising the orcs and turning them into upstanding members of society. With that resolved, Pyriel and Cynthia looked around the cave to see if there were more orcs to slay/raise, while Brobin stayed with Cirkin. Eventually, Cirkin escaped and ran off, while the rest of the party decided to head back to Rinlin to drop off the orcs and some treasure we picked up.
I have to say, that was the most enjoyable, creative game of D and D I've had in a long time. Here's to Silver, Cirkin's player, for retiring his character in style!
Things to do today:
1. Write!
2. Start sacking clothes and other things that I don't use/need.
3. Shave my head.
4. Read!
5. Budget my money for the next few months. PMP to pay for.
