Chicken Saltimbocca and Therapy
Nov. 6th, 2025 11:16 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jakebeAnother day, another somewhat baffled accounting of where the time went and what I did with it. I suppose I shouldn't be too upset that the days feel short and confusing. With the ending of DST, my sense of time is bound to be a little shaky for a while.
I got a late start in the morning, admittedly. Worked on updating my resume most of the day, which was a gratifying exercise. I wanted to be more clear and concise summarizing the job duties, while also expanding on my job transitions at two companies. I tried to look up other job openings with the same titles to tease the language closer to what I'm seeing out there, and organizing information in a way that makes it easier for scrapers to pick up and parse. It's still not done -- right now, everything is still in Obsidian -- but the "experience" portion is finished and now I'm onto shaping my Skills section.
With Skills, I think I want a collection of about 12 areas that I can swap out at any time to fit the needs of the specific job. On the resume, I'll have the most relevant three areas along with examples that most closely match what I see on the job description. Hopefully, that buys me a little bit more pull with the ATS and increases my chances of getting an interview.
I'm also thinking about refreshing my profiles on LinkedIn, Indeed, Monster, and other places. I'm hoping the more intentional, targeted language will help the algorithm find closer matches for me -- or at least stop sending me the same low-tier crap openings I've been getting.
Then again, maybe that's all they're being paid to show.
We switched meal services from Blue Apron to Marleyspoon (from Martha Stewart!), and the cooking style is so different I'm still adapting to it. Right now I have to admit I'm not being very efficient. Yesterday's chicken saltimbocca took 90 minutes(!!) to complete and the results were...only OK. It's a heavy meal that uses a lot of butter, but I would have liked more flavor in the roasted potatoes and broccolini. The saltimbocca itself was fun to make, and I now know how to toast pine nuts and fry sage leaves! But if I had to do it over again, I think I'd let the ingredients rest away from the drained fat instead of in it. You could really taste the butter on everything, and it left you with a greasy feeling.
So far Marleyspoon has been hit or miss. Blue Apron definitely wins out on spices and flavoring; with most Marleyspoon recipes, the results tend to be rather bland. However, the ingredients are a LOT better (if smaller) and it's been nice learning a different style. Where Blue Apron typically provided more of the base ingredients like butter, flour, or vinegar, Marleyspoon expects you to have that kind of thing on-hand -- so it's been neat training on how to keep a better-stocked pantry.
And when the recipes hit, they really hit. I went with this service because it had the most "exotic" options on the menu, including a lot of West African-inspired dishes I hadn't seen anywhere else. And man...the jollof rice I made the other day was a true highlight.
Marleyspoon also has a much better "random add-ons" menu, so there's that. When I get my diet in better shape, I could see myself picking up a "meal shortcut kit" or two as a quick-and-easy lunch option sometime.
Husboo and I watched Death Note as we ate our lunch. I think we slipped into Season 2 somehow without knowing it; Netflix has grouped it into one long series of 38 episodes, and we're...approaching episode 20 by now. We did note how the "status quo" shifted quite a bit in a couple of episodes; locations were changed, alliances shifted, and the whole investigation pivoted to chase different suspects. Now it feels like the show is still settling into its "new normal", though it also kinda prides itself on not "having" a normal setting because both Ryu and Light are treating the investigation like a true chess match. As pieces are removed from the board and gambits are played and predicted, the game state is consistently evolving.
I like the rather unsentimental way it goes through its plot. You get just enough time with a situation to get a sense for the tableau before something comes along to shift it, add to it, or drastically rearrange it. And once that happens, the show you liked is forever gone but you have a new show now that's interesting, intriguing, and just as ephemeral as its previous incarnation.
It's the kind of thing that happened with LOST and The Leftovers every season, and rare shows like The Good Place every few episodes. I like that the show...has so many elements colliding with one another, you never know what the catalyst will be for the next evolution. It could come from Light or Ryu activating the next stage of their plan -- or someone else in their orbit throwing a wild card into the mix.
It's...a show of its time, so it can be kinda cheesy in certain ways. But that only adds to its charm. It's an engaging cat-and-mouse game, almost like an extended Sherlock Holmes vs. Moriarty mystery with supernatural elements thrown in for good measure. I'm not sure if or how it will stick the landing, but for now it's a good time!
After lunch, more resume work and then into therapy. We talked about my starting the Grief Recovery Handbook and my initial thoughts on it, and that spun off into a wider-ranging conversation about all the complicated feelings I have about my mom and sister. On one hand, my mom is this terrible person who abused me for most of my childhood, disowned me when I came out to her after saying things that have fucked me up to this day, and ultimately cost me like....$10,000 over five years with her nursing home and funeral expenses. All without leaving me as a beneficiary on the life insurance she *also* had me paying for, for years.
But on the other hand, she made so many sacrifices for me and my sister; would go out of her way to help the people she cared about; and cooked like no one else. When I went back to Baltimore for the funeral and got to see what she meant to the extended family, I had this chance to see this whole other side of her. No one would claim she was easy to get along with, but everyone had a story about this extraordinary act of kindness or generosity she extended when they really needed it.
If I had gotten to know that woman, I think we would have gotten along. And talking through it, I realized that's a big part of the grief for me -- that any potential I had for a good relationship with my Mom is gone forever, and all I have are these terrible, traumatic memories.
And it's not just that one thing. It's also reckoning with being adopted, and knowing my adopted mom was mentally ill, and accepting that illness has seeped into every corner of our family tree. It's the alcoholism of my adopted dad, and his disappearance, and my mental issues making it impossible for me to connect with other people in certain ways. It's being Black in this goddamned country and internalizing all the racism until the only way you can see yourself is as a lesser being. It's...living with people who have the expectation of support and comfort, who don't automatically think every setback is the end of the world. It feels like I've reached a point where new trauma echoes old trauma -- and I'm in a community of people who can't relate to that at all.
I wish I weren't so much to wrangle, all the time. And I wish I didn't have these distorted thoughts rolling through my head on the regular. But here we are, in therapy. Talking about them helps, of course. But some days, I wish I could just put all this shit down already.
Still, we just go through this one bite at a time I suppose. So first, gainful employment and self-rediscovery. Then, profit.
I got a late start in the morning, admittedly. Worked on updating my resume most of the day, which was a gratifying exercise. I wanted to be more clear and concise summarizing the job duties, while also expanding on my job transitions at two companies. I tried to look up other job openings with the same titles to tease the language closer to what I'm seeing out there, and organizing information in a way that makes it easier for scrapers to pick up and parse. It's still not done -- right now, everything is still in Obsidian -- but the "experience" portion is finished and now I'm onto shaping my Skills section.
With Skills, I think I want a collection of about 12 areas that I can swap out at any time to fit the needs of the specific job. On the resume, I'll have the most relevant three areas along with examples that most closely match what I see on the job description. Hopefully, that buys me a little bit more pull with the ATS and increases my chances of getting an interview.
I'm also thinking about refreshing my profiles on LinkedIn, Indeed, Monster, and other places. I'm hoping the more intentional, targeted language will help the algorithm find closer matches for me -- or at least stop sending me the same low-tier crap openings I've been getting.
Then again, maybe that's all they're being paid to show.
We switched meal services from Blue Apron to Marleyspoon (from Martha Stewart!), and the cooking style is so different I'm still adapting to it. Right now I have to admit I'm not being very efficient. Yesterday's chicken saltimbocca took 90 minutes(!!) to complete and the results were...only OK. It's a heavy meal that uses a lot of butter, but I would have liked more flavor in the roasted potatoes and broccolini. The saltimbocca itself was fun to make, and I now know how to toast pine nuts and fry sage leaves! But if I had to do it over again, I think I'd let the ingredients rest away from the drained fat instead of in it. You could really taste the butter on everything, and it left you with a greasy feeling.
So far Marleyspoon has been hit or miss. Blue Apron definitely wins out on spices and flavoring; with most Marleyspoon recipes, the results tend to be rather bland. However, the ingredients are a LOT better (if smaller) and it's been nice learning a different style. Where Blue Apron typically provided more of the base ingredients like butter, flour, or vinegar, Marleyspoon expects you to have that kind of thing on-hand -- so it's been neat training on how to keep a better-stocked pantry.
And when the recipes hit, they really hit. I went with this service because it had the most "exotic" options on the menu, including a lot of West African-inspired dishes I hadn't seen anywhere else. And man...the jollof rice I made the other day was a true highlight.
Marleyspoon also has a much better "random add-ons" menu, so there's that. When I get my diet in better shape, I could see myself picking up a "meal shortcut kit" or two as a quick-and-easy lunch option sometime.
Husboo and I watched Death Note as we ate our lunch. I think we slipped into Season 2 somehow without knowing it; Netflix has grouped it into one long series of 38 episodes, and we're...approaching episode 20 by now. We did note how the "status quo" shifted quite a bit in a couple of episodes; locations were changed, alliances shifted, and the whole investigation pivoted to chase different suspects. Now it feels like the show is still settling into its "new normal", though it also kinda prides itself on not "having" a normal setting because both Ryu and Light are treating the investigation like a true chess match. As pieces are removed from the board and gambits are played and predicted, the game state is consistently evolving.
I like the rather unsentimental way it goes through its plot. You get just enough time with a situation to get a sense for the tableau before something comes along to shift it, add to it, or drastically rearrange it. And once that happens, the show you liked is forever gone but you have a new show now that's interesting, intriguing, and just as ephemeral as its previous incarnation.
It's the kind of thing that happened with LOST and The Leftovers every season, and rare shows like The Good Place every few episodes. I like that the show...has so many elements colliding with one another, you never know what the catalyst will be for the next evolution. It could come from Light or Ryu activating the next stage of their plan -- or someone else in their orbit throwing a wild card into the mix.
It's...a show of its time, so it can be kinda cheesy in certain ways. But that only adds to its charm. It's an engaging cat-and-mouse game, almost like an extended Sherlock Holmes vs. Moriarty mystery with supernatural elements thrown in for good measure. I'm not sure if or how it will stick the landing, but for now it's a good time!
After lunch, more resume work and then into therapy. We talked about my starting the Grief Recovery Handbook and my initial thoughts on it, and that spun off into a wider-ranging conversation about all the complicated feelings I have about my mom and sister. On one hand, my mom is this terrible person who abused me for most of my childhood, disowned me when I came out to her after saying things that have fucked me up to this day, and ultimately cost me like....$10,000 over five years with her nursing home and funeral expenses. All without leaving me as a beneficiary on the life insurance she *also* had me paying for, for years.
But on the other hand, she made so many sacrifices for me and my sister; would go out of her way to help the people she cared about; and cooked like no one else. When I went back to Baltimore for the funeral and got to see what she meant to the extended family, I had this chance to see this whole other side of her. No one would claim she was easy to get along with, but everyone had a story about this extraordinary act of kindness or generosity she extended when they really needed it.
If I had gotten to know that woman, I think we would have gotten along. And talking through it, I realized that's a big part of the grief for me -- that any potential I had for a good relationship with my Mom is gone forever, and all I have are these terrible, traumatic memories.
And it's not just that one thing. It's also reckoning with being adopted, and knowing my adopted mom was mentally ill, and accepting that illness has seeped into every corner of our family tree. It's the alcoholism of my adopted dad, and his disappearance, and my mental issues making it impossible for me to connect with other people in certain ways. It's being Black in this goddamned country and internalizing all the racism until the only way you can see yourself is as a lesser being. It's...living with people who have the expectation of support and comfort, who don't automatically think every setback is the end of the world. It feels like I've reached a point where new trauma echoes old trauma -- and I'm in a community of people who can't relate to that at all.
I wish I weren't so much to wrangle, all the time. And I wish I didn't have these distorted thoughts rolling through my head on the regular. But here we are, in therapy. Talking about them helps, of course. But some days, I wish I could just put all this shit down already.
Still, we just go through this one bite at a time I suppose. So first, gainful employment and self-rediscovery. Then, profit.
