Drove Downtown in the Rain
Nov. 13th, 2023 09:01 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jakebeLast weekend did not feel like a three-day weekend, even though it clearly was. Friday I spent the morning playing Final Fantasy XIV; Saturday we played disc golf, watched a movie, played more XIV; and on Sunday I hosted a friend who had been wanting to show us one of his favorite musicals for a while. It feels like I could have done more, like getting a head-start on the laundry or working on my D&D game a little bit but that's just not where the interests lied.
I really enjoy playing disc golf in a way I could see being a major source of exercise. It's not intensive by any stretch of the imagination, but it's an activity that combines the best part of a good easy hike in the woods, a demanding game that encourages you to be grounded and present, and a low-stakes way to be social with agreeable company. Honestly if the nearest courses weren't quite so far away, I'd do it a lot more often.
R. and K. and I went with a gay couple we met earlier this year. One works for an independent gaming company while the other teaches in San Francisco; they're both amiable, but I think they also might be a little introverted. D.A., another recent friend, rounded out our group. He's a little less socialized and wrestling with a few insecurities that make relationships a little harder for him, but he tries his best and that counts for a lot with me. He can be a little much sometimes, and we're not naturally on each other's wavelength, but I know what it's like wanting to develop friendships without really understanding how to do that. He's a sweet kid underneath all that; the right bits just need encouragement is all.
I've been thinking more about how to build stronger, closer relationships these days and honestly I think it's most a matter of being intentional with your time and speech. You put in the time with people you want to be closer to, and you take care to make them feel accepted and welcome in your presence. The balance, I'm learning, is how to do that while being authentically yourself. It's a lot harder than it looks, especially if you're an introvert. I need time alone to recharge my social batteries, and if I'm spending them with folks who take more effort than most to manage then I need that alone time more often. Balancing that need against...consistent requests on your time and attention is never easy and I think we tend to be pendulums in that respect. We isolate, realize we're alone more often than we should be, and try to course-correct.
But I'm not sure if that swingy social behavior does us any real good. Consistency is the bedrock of any relationship; we need to be able to rely on one another in order to ease each other's burdens, you know? It's not the best thing to be in the trenches with someone during an emotional crisis and then ghost them a week later because you're overwhelmed or distracted.
I worry that my interactions with folks are way too swingy, but at the same time I talk to a LOT of people and with everything else I'd like to do I'd like to spend a lot more time alone sorting myself out to be productive. It's just not necessarily in the cards. It's not a big problem or anything; just a knot to untie so I can be my best self moving forward.
Overall, I feel the need to slow down and be more grounded. More deep work, fewer projects with more time spent on each, less effort put into procrastination and distraction. I'll try to nail that this week so that...the things on my mind are substantive.
I really enjoy playing disc golf in a way I could see being a major source of exercise. It's not intensive by any stretch of the imagination, but it's an activity that combines the best part of a good easy hike in the woods, a demanding game that encourages you to be grounded and present, and a low-stakes way to be social with agreeable company. Honestly if the nearest courses weren't quite so far away, I'd do it a lot more often.
R. and K. and I went with a gay couple we met earlier this year. One works for an independent gaming company while the other teaches in San Francisco; they're both amiable, but I think they also might be a little introverted. D.A., another recent friend, rounded out our group. He's a little less socialized and wrestling with a few insecurities that make relationships a little harder for him, but he tries his best and that counts for a lot with me. He can be a little much sometimes, and we're not naturally on each other's wavelength, but I know what it's like wanting to develop friendships without really understanding how to do that. He's a sweet kid underneath all that; the right bits just need encouragement is all.
I've been thinking more about how to build stronger, closer relationships these days and honestly I think it's most a matter of being intentional with your time and speech. You put in the time with people you want to be closer to, and you take care to make them feel accepted and welcome in your presence. The balance, I'm learning, is how to do that while being authentically yourself. It's a lot harder than it looks, especially if you're an introvert. I need time alone to recharge my social batteries, and if I'm spending them with folks who take more effort than most to manage then I need that alone time more often. Balancing that need against...consistent requests on your time and attention is never easy and I think we tend to be pendulums in that respect. We isolate, realize we're alone more often than we should be, and try to course-correct.
But I'm not sure if that swingy social behavior does us any real good. Consistency is the bedrock of any relationship; we need to be able to rely on one another in order to ease each other's burdens, you know? It's not the best thing to be in the trenches with someone during an emotional crisis and then ghost them a week later because you're overwhelmed or distracted.
I worry that my interactions with folks are way too swingy, but at the same time I talk to a LOT of people and with everything else I'd like to do I'd like to spend a lot more time alone sorting myself out to be productive. It's just not necessarily in the cards. It's not a big problem or anything; just a knot to untie so I can be my best self moving forward.
Overall, I feel the need to slow down and be more grounded. More deep work, fewer projects with more time spent on each, less effort put into procrastination and distraction. I'll try to nail that this week so that...the things on my mind are substantive.
