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Sep. 26th, 2023 09:31 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jakebeI've been going to the gym again recently. It's a little surprising how much it feels like riding a bicycle, right down to the soreness in places you had forgotten existed! The first day back was a leg workout that *destroyed* my legs; the second workout definitely made me feel a little old, but it was streets ahead of where I was the first time. We had our first chest workout yesterday and I'm surprised by how much I still feel it. After a certain point my arms were just like "no, you're done" and it still feels like if I stretch the wrong way it'll be like "Got nothing for you" and my arm will fall off.
But honestly even the pain is good. It centers me in my body in a way nothing else does, reminds me of the ways I can stretch and bend, and even reminds me of the pleasure of...using my body. It's a little strange I suppose, but exercise becomes this meditative practice that I take with me through the rest of the day. When walking, I actually have a frame of reference for the muscles I'm using, so it's a bit easier to focus on the way my weight shifts, or when certain muscles get engaged.
You also learn how your body communicates a little better. When you pay attention to your form and get a sense of what your muscles should feel like when you get it right, you actually notice that feeling elsewhere. Suddenly, there's a way of holding heavy things that engages the right parts of your body and every day motions can be made with greater focus and control. Really being mindful of the body and the way it moves is something I hadn't realized I missed.
It was a good decision to go back, and I shouldn't have waited as long as I did.
I'm still having a lot of trouble with focus in general, though. Way too much time has been spent trying to find the "perfect" YouTube video to accompany work when I already know what works. I think I'm still operating under this illusion that I can "multi-task" by listening to something interesting/engaging and do work or something else that requires significant cycles when...I just can't. It would be better to stick to one or two stand-bys like Critical Role or Lo-Fi Radio and then focus on whatever work I have to do.
The day job has been suspiciously slow. My manager has been very chill about my workload and quite forgiving of my rather slow, meticulous method of approach. I've checked in with T.A., the friend who referred me for this position, and he assures me that my method is sound so that's something. I know I'll get faster over time, and perhaps by this time next year (if I'm still in the position) I'll be the one explaining things to newbies or writing documentation. That's the dream, anyway.
Honestly, I love the job and could see myself being here for a little while. It's low-key enough that I can do it without stress and even have enough mental cycles to think about other shit -- and I don't know if I've ever been in this situation since moving to California. Every position has its share of wiggle room but this one? It's...almost shockingly chill.
I'm sure that as I learn more and my responsibilities deepen there'll be a bit more pressure. But for now, I'm going to enjoy the lack of stress for a minute. I'd like to make an "official" attempt to implement better systems for productivity starting next week, with the goal of having an established writing practice by New Year's. At the very least, it would be cool to have regular updates for the Patreon and a somewhat-regular cadence for the blog.
The watchword for October will be "focus". I'm rediscovering the joy of being present, especially when I'm working to build the kind of life I want.
But honestly even the pain is good. It centers me in my body in a way nothing else does, reminds me of the ways I can stretch and bend, and even reminds me of the pleasure of...using my body. It's a little strange I suppose, but exercise becomes this meditative practice that I take with me through the rest of the day. When walking, I actually have a frame of reference for the muscles I'm using, so it's a bit easier to focus on the way my weight shifts, or when certain muscles get engaged.
You also learn how your body communicates a little better. When you pay attention to your form and get a sense of what your muscles should feel like when you get it right, you actually notice that feeling elsewhere. Suddenly, there's a way of holding heavy things that engages the right parts of your body and every day motions can be made with greater focus and control. Really being mindful of the body and the way it moves is something I hadn't realized I missed.
It was a good decision to go back, and I shouldn't have waited as long as I did.
I'm still having a lot of trouble with focus in general, though. Way too much time has been spent trying to find the "perfect" YouTube video to accompany work when I already know what works. I think I'm still operating under this illusion that I can "multi-task" by listening to something interesting/engaging and do work or something else that requires significant cycles when...I just can't. It would be better to stick to one or two stand-bys like Critical Role or Lo-Fi Radio and then focus on whatever work I have to do.
The day job has been suspiciously slow. My manager has been very chill about my workload and quite forgiving of my rather slow, meticulous method of approach. I've checked in with T.A., the friend who referred me for this position, and he assures me that my method is sound so that's something. I know I'll get faster over time, and perhaps by this time next year (if I'm still in the position) I'll be the one explaining things to newbies or writing documentation. That's the dream, anyway.
Honestly, I love the job and could see myself being here for a little while. It's low-key enough that I can do it without stress and even have enough mental cycles to think about other shit -- and I don't know if I've ever been in this situation since moving to California. Every position has its share of wiggle room but this one? It's...almost shockingly chill.
I'm sure that as I learn more and my responsibilities deepen there'll be a bit more pressure. But for now, I'm going to enjoy the lack of stress for a minute. I'd like to make an "official" attempt to implement better systems for productivity starting next week, with the goal of having an established writing practice by New Year's. At the very least, it would be cool to have regular updates for the Patreon and a somewhat-regular cadence for the blog.
The watchword for October will be "focus". I'm rediscovering the joy of being present, especially when I'm working to build the kind of life I want.
