Day 27: She's Imperfect, But She's Kind
May. 17th, 2023 09:21 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jakebeFor some reason my default subjects tend to be lyrics from songs stuck in my head on any given day. Looking back over previous entries is a fun game, because almost invariably I forget half of them.
Yesterday I wrote an outline for "Swiftie's Intergalactic", the story I hope to have written for my Patreon relaunch. It's a reimagining of a half-remembered story I loved on a defunct fetish site called "Swiftie's Bar". Basically, a bounty hunter has this one-night stand with a giant. It was simple and sweet, just the kind of story I'd like to build a portfolio of.
As is my way, I've complicated things a little bit. The story has become something of a personal therapy session for me as I work through my fear and reticence to engage. Like my protagonist Deimo, I find myself at a crossroads where I should be celebrating my new-found freedom but find it lacking. I'm surrounded by this enticing world of interesting people but I'm too caught up in my head to connect. Hopefully by charting the very start of Deimo's climb out of that space I can take a few steps out of my predicament, too. I'll settle for just writing a complete, reasonably decent story.
I also started work on the next session for my D&D game. The group is facing down an Earth Elemental after dispatching a trio of gargoyles with surprising ease. I have a kinda-complex combat set up for them, but chances are I won't get to pull the trigger on the contingencies that make things exciting. Either the boys will utterly destroy this thing before anything interesting happens or I'll very very nearly kill everyone. I'm still having a little trouble finding a comfortable in-between where they're challenged but safe. I have to admit I'm enjoying the chance to make a fairly dangerous world where death could come at any time. It makes adventuring feel appropriately risky.
The exercise of being creative first thing in the morning also worked pretty well. I applied for three positions with a bit more confidence and optimism, and I even got a nibble on the Customer Service Lead position I went for last. It's a bit of a stretch -- a management position that's a bit more technically-oriented than I'm used to -- but it's also the kind of stretch I feel I should be making at this point in my "career". I don't know if I'll actually get it, but if I do it's something I'll need to throw a lot of effort into.
I got started a bit later than usual again today, but I feel more grounded. Meditation, shower, face routine, Bullet Journal, and now this. After that? D&D prep and a few bookkeeping things. R. has put me on his health insurance but for some reason Kaiser is still freezing me out of its services so I have to check on that. I also haven't applied for unemployment yet; jumping on that should stretch my runway through September, possibly October.
Thinking about being jobless for that long doesn't make me happy, but...there's a lot about it I'm not able to control. The best thing I can do is keep gaining skills to deepen my resume, keep in touch with my network, and find things that will challenge and fulfill me. Now would be an excellent time to pivot to writing -- maybe build a new blog and learn the ins and outs of SEO optimization to find and build an audience. I hate to think of something as...deeply personal to me as this in ways of business, but a lot of Community Manager, Copywriting, and other related positions require some knowledge of it. Pointing to a personal blog as my portfolio isn't the worst idea. But then, I'd have to make sure I establish a theme, tone, and style that's more widely-acceptable. I'd also have to find a community of folks in roughly the same spaces, start building relationships, etc. It's that part that makes me feel exhausted, but...working with people is part of the game.
There are so many times where I feel like Eccleston's Ninth Doctor -- in love with the idea of people, but finding most tedious, depressing and frightening when I actually engage. It's rough out there for an introvert, but that's my burden to bear I suppose.
Yesterday I wrote an outline for "Swiftie's Intergalactic", the story I hope to have written for my Patreon relaunch. It's a reimagining of a half-remembered story I loved on a defunct fetish site called "Swiftie's Bar". Basically, a bounty hunter has this one-night stand with a giant. It was simple and sweet, just the kind of story I'd like to build a portfolio of.
As is my way, I've complicated things a little bit. The story has become something of a personal therapy session for me as I work through my fear and reticence to engage. Like my protagonist Deimo, I find myself at a crossroads where I should be celebrating my new-found freedom but find it lacking. I'm surrounded by this enticing world of interesting people but I'm too caught up in my head to connect. Hopefully by charting the very start of Deimo's climb out of that space I can take a few steps out of my predicament, too. I'll settle for just writing a complete, reasonably decent story.
I also started work on the next session for my D&D game. The group is facing down an Earth Elemental after dispatching a trio of gargoyles with surprising ease. I have a kinda-complex combat set up for them, but chances are I won't get to pull the trigger on the contingencies that make things exciting. Either the boys will utterly destroy this thing before anything interesting happens or I'll very very nearly kill everyone. I'm still having a little trouble finding a comfortable in-between where they're challenged but safe. I have to admit I'm enjoying the chance to make a fairly dangerous world where death could come at any time. It makes adventuring feel appropriately risky.
The exercise of being creative first thing in the morning also worked pretty well. I applied for three positions with a bit more confidence and optimism, and I even got a nibble on the Customer Service Lead position I went for last. It's a bit of a stretch -- a management position that's a bit more technically-oriented than I'm used to -- but it's also the kind of stretch I feel I should be making at this point in my "career". I don't know if I'll actually get it, but if I do it's something I'll need to throw a lot of effort into.
I got started a bit later than usual again today, but I feel more grounded. Meditation, shower, face routine, Bullet Journal, and now this. After that? D&D prep and a few bookkeeping things. R. has put me on his health insurance but for some reason Kaiser is still freezing me out of its services so I have to check on that. I also haven't applied for unemployment yet; jumping on that should stretch my runway through September, possibly October.
Thinking about being jobless for that long doesn't make me happy, but...there's a lot about it I'm not able to control. The best thing I can do is keep gaining skills to deepen my resume, keep in touch with my network, and find things that will challenge and fulfill me. Now would be an excellent time to pivot to writing -- maybe build a new blog and learn the ins and outs of SEO optimization to find and build an audience. I hate to think of something as...deeply personal to me as this in ways of business, but a lot of Community Manager, Copywriting, and other related positions require some knowledge of it. Pointing to a personal blog as my portfolio isn't the worst idea. But then, I'd have to make sure I establish a theme, tone, and style that's more widely-acceptable. I'd also have to find a community of folks in roughly the same spaces, start building relationships, etc. It's that part that makes me feel exhausted, but...working with people is part of the game.
There are so many times where I feel like Eccleston's Ninth Doctor -- in love with the idea of people, but finding most tedious, depressing and frightening when I actually engage. It's rough out there for an introvert, but that's my burden to bear I suppose.
