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jakebeI went to the grocery store to restock our Coke Zero supply and talked to one of the store managers I've struck up a friendship with. She gave me excellent advice when I told her I was laid off, and that's to think outside of the box. She clued me into some good opportunities at non-profit organizations, suggested that being a product vendor might be a great transition for me, and reminded me of the power of personal networking. The conversation really helped; staring down a protracted job hunt somewhere in the tech sector makes my heart race, and it's honestly a comfort to remember that it's not the only game in town -- even in Silicon Valley.
I also got ingredients for a beans-and-rice dish that will serve as a nice, dependable lunch staple through the week. Now that I have a bit of time to experiment, I can try stuff that will keep for up to a week and eat that for lunch and non-Blue Apron dinners. Cooking in is one of the best ways I can save money, and I've got a little bit of space to play around and find what's fun to make AND delicious and healthy. I'd like to try my hand at more baking as well; loaves of bread are reasonably simple, and if I get my technique down I could even bring some to friends as gifts. Eventually, it would be nice to "graduate" towards general baked goods. I know that they're often a sometimes food for most friends, but developing that skill would also help me get the kitchen (and dining room) into a better working state.
I didn't get a LOT on my to-do list done, but I'm happy with the day regardless. I exercised, showered, went through my Stitch Fix box and selected a shirt and jeans, went to the store, returned the rest of my Stitch Fix, folded clothes, and learned a little SQL. It felt like the day flew by; all of a sudden, R. was coming home and then we were heading out to watch John Wick 4.
The movie was pretty good; if you've seen the John Wick movies you'll know what you're getting into. I think the worldbuilding is a little silly at this point, mostly an excuse for Wick to go to major world cities and inflict incredible violence on his enemies in exotic locales. But man, nothing beats the fight choreography. There was a sequence with nunchucks that especially stands out; either Keanu or the stunt double is an expert and it really showed how great a weapon it could be in the right hands. I'm definitely keeping that in mind the next time I play a monk in D&D.
R. and I had a...spirited conversation last night about the job hunt. He's been pushing me to jump right into the job hunt, which I understand. He's very nervous about our situation and tends to channel that energy into attacking the problem directly. So for him, I should definitely be updating the resume, pumping the network, applying wherever I can immediately. I think he's worried that I'll have trouble finding a good position at my age and with my skillset, and that's a legitimate concern.
He also thinks that I don't have a sense of urgency or priority with this situation, and I also see how he could come to have that view. I haven't talked a lot about it, and my general demeanor has been fairly laid-back. And that's...by design.
One of the things I've learned through my mushroom trip is that I really DO have a coping process and it's OK to honor that, to do things my way. That process is mostly internal, and sometimes it takes me nibbling through the problem subconsciously while I focus on something else. So while I'm shopping, or doing laundry, or doing dishes, or even playing a video game, an insight will rise up from the murky depths that applies to my current task and also applies to my employment situation. Those insights hang in little pockets, but over time, as more insights come, they connect and strengthen into a plan of action. I just need a little time to bake.
It's only been a week since I've been laid off, and my last day of work was Thursday. I didn't see this coming to be quite honest, and I'm trying to work through my emotions in a way that doesn't worry anyone, but this sucks. I'm a Black man over 40 without a college degree or equivalent technical experience, trying to find a job that pays well enough for me to survive in the Bay Area. At this point of my life, I'm not willing to work long hours and I think R. would have a problem with me taking a job that forced weekends or an evening shift. And I don't want to work for a company that makes me feel like I'm contributing to evil in the world.
The vast advantage goes to the employer right now. There are tens of thousands of highly-qualified, college-educated, ambitious people who were let go from FAANG and desperate for work. Any position that's a good fit is very likely to have multiple candidates who are just better than me. My resume gets beaten in the screening process every time. That's a problem.
So I have to figure out how to build a resume that gets me through AI screening AND makes me an attractive prospect to a hiring manager despite my age and race. As much as people swear that these aren't factors for hiring, they obviously are. I'm aware of that. It's not an easy problem to solve.
But I'm resilient. This isn't as bad as the situation after 23andMe, where I was looking for a job after being fired. I'm a victim of layoffs, and I did good work at the company. I know my worth, but I live in a world that consistently devalues its workers. I have to find a way to stay positive and centered while going through weeks and weeks of rejection. It's really easy for me to get discouraged, feel desperate, panic. I need some time to build my mental reserves for what is clearly going to be an arduous process.
Who knows, maybe I'll get lucky. But no matter what happens I know the next few months will be an adjustment. It's important for me that I put myself in a position where I can do my best work. To R., this might look like not taking things seriously but for me it's trying to build a solid foundation for the task that lies ahead.
It's not just me who has to deal with this, though. I don't think I realized how worried R. was until he practically had a panic attack in front of me when I told him how much time the severance gives us. What I thought would be a reassuring reminder of our finances just took his breath away. While neither of us will really breathe easy until I'm employed again, it's a good reminder that we need to lean on each other in more ways than one to make it through this.
Today I'll be cleaning up a bit this afternoon, finishing the laundry and trying to find a solution for our little rabbit. He keeps getting behind the wire-frame barrier that cuts him off from the rest of the living room and nibbling a hole in the side of his litter bag, so suddenly there's a whole mess of Critter Country pellets there. A big storage container would do the trick, so I'll need to see if I can get a couple from PetCo for both the litter and hay. Now that I'm thinking about it, storage containers would help a LOT with the clutter we've got in the dining room. I could also find a nice box for Ryan's music books so they'll be fine on the floor again, and maybe a basket for the couch blankets that are in frequent use.
Right now I just want to focus on making my immediate space better and doing things that make me happy. But I also have to be mindful of my life-partners' emotional states. It feels good, honestly, to reconnect with my emotions and the emotions around me. But it's also a challenge to leave space for everything.
I also got ingredients for a beans-and-rice dish that will serve as a nice, dependable lunch staple through the week. Now that I have a bit of time to experiment, I can try stuff that will keep for up to a week and eat that for lunch and non-Blue Apron dinners. Cooking in is one of the best ways I can save money, and I've got a little bit of space to play around and find what's fun to make AND delicious and healthy. I'd like to try my hand at more baking as well; loaves of bread are reasonably simple, and if I get my technique down I could even bring some to friends as gifts. Eventually, it would be nice to "graduate" towards general baked goods. I know that they're often a sometimes food for most friends, but developing that skill would also help me get the kitchen (and dining room) into a better working state.
I didn't get a LOT on my to-do list done, but I'm happy with the day regardless. I exercised, showered, went through my Stitch Fix box and selected a shirt and jeans, went to the store, returned the rest of my Stitch Fix, folded clothes, and learned a little SQL. It felt like the day flew by; all of a sudden, R. was coming home and then we were heading out to watch John Wick 4.
The movie was pretty good; if you've seen the John Wick movies you'll know what you're getting into. I think the worldbuilding is a little silly at this point, mostly an excuse for Wick to go to major world cities and inflict incredible violence on his enemies in exotic locales. But man, nothing beats the fight choreography. There was a sequence with nunchucks that especially stands out; either Keanu or the stunt double is an expert and it really showed how great a weapon it could be in the right hands. I'm definitely keeping that in mind the next time I play a monk in D&D.
R. and I had a...spirited conversation last night about the job hunt. He's been pushing me to jump right into the job hunt, which I understand. He's very nervous about our situation and tends to channel that energy into attacking the problem directly. So for him, I should definitely be updating the resume, pumping the network, applying wherever I can immediately. I think he's worried that I'll have trouble finding a good position at my age and with my skillset, and that's a legitimate concern.
He also thinks that I don't have a sense of urgency or priority with this situation, and I also see how he could come to have that view. I haven't talked a lot about it, and my general demeanor has been fairly laid-back. And that's...by design.
One of the things I've learned through my mushroom trip is that I really DO have a coping process and it's OK to honor that, to do things my way. That process is mostly internal, and sometimes it takes me nibbling through the problem subconsciously while I focus on something else. So while I'm shopping, or doing laundry, or doing dishes, or even playing a video game, an insight will rise up from the murky depths that applies to my current task and also applies to my employment situation. Those insights hang in little pockets, but over time, as more insights come, they connect and strengthen into a plan of action. I just need a little time to bake.
It's only been a week since I've been laid off, and my last day of work was Thursday. I didn't see this coming to be quite honest, and I'm trying to work through my emotions in a way that doesn't worry anyone, but this sucks. I'm a Black man over 40 without a college degree or equivalent technical experience, trying to find a job that pays well enough for me to survive in the Bay Area. At this point of my life, I'm not willing to work long hours and I think R. would have a problem with me taking a job that forced weekends or an evening shift. And I don't want to work for a company that makes me feel like I'm contributing to evil in the world.
The vast advantage goes to the employer right now. There are tens of thousands of highly-qualified, college-educated, ambitious people who were let go from FAANG and desperate for work. Any position that's a good fit is very likely to have multiple candidates who are just better than me. My resume gets beaten in the screening process every time. That's a problem.
So I have to figure out how to build a resume that gets me through AI screening AND makes me an attractive prospect to a hiring manager despite my age and race. As much as people swear that these aren't factors for hiring, they obviously are. I'm aware of that. It's not an easy problem to solve.
But I'm resilient. This isn't as bad as the situation after 23andMe, where I was looking for a job after being fired. I'm a victim of layoffs, and I did good work at the company. I know my worth, but I live in a world that consistently devalues its workers. I have to find a way to stay positive and centered while going through weeks and weeks of rejection. It's really easy for me to get discouraged, feel desperate, panic. I need some time to build my mental reserves for what is clearly going to be an arduous process.
Who knows, maybe I'll get lucky. But no matter what happens I know the next few months will be an adjustment. It's important for me that I put myself in a position where I can do my best work. To R., this might look like not taking things seriously but for me it's trying to build a solid foundation for the task that lies ahead.
It's not just me who has to deal with this, though. I don't think I realized how worried R. was until he practically had a panic attack in front of me when I told him how much time the severance gives us. What I thought would be a reassuring reminder of our finances just took his breath away. While neither of us will really breathe easy until I'm employed again, it's a good reminder that we need to lean on each other in more ways than one to make it through this.
Today I'll be cleaning up a bit this afternoon, finishing the laundry and trying to find a solution for our little rabbit. He keeps getting behind the wire-frame barrier that cuts him off from the rest of the living room and nibbling a hole in the side of his litter bag, so suddenly there's a whole mess of Critter Country pellets there. A big storage container would do the trick, so I'll need to see if I can get a couple from PetCo for both the litter and hay. Now that I'm thinking about it, storage containers would help a LOT with the clutter we've got in the dining room. I could also find a nice box for Ryan's music books so they'll be fine on the floor again, and maybe a basket for the couch blankets that are in frequent use.
Right now I just want to focus on making my immediate space better and doing things that make me happy. But I also have to be mindful of my life-partners' emotional states. It feels good, honestly, to reconnect with my emotions and the emotions around me. But it's also a challenge to leave space for everything.
