Day 4 of 107: The Pits
Apr. 24th, 2023 08:59 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jakebeThis is it. Today is the first day of being unemployed officially. Normally I'd be through my first batch of work meetings right now, procrastinating on something or other while waiting for the next batch. Instead, I woke up at 7:30, went to the bathroom, meditated, went to the store, and now I'm here with the journal.
I thought I'd have a stronger feeling about this morning, but strangely enough I'm still...numb. Numb isn't quite the word, I suppose. I am worried about what comes next. But I'm also focused on being present with whatever is here, reconnecting with the direction my heart is telling me to go. And since I have at least nine weeks of salary to go through before I get into trouble, I have time to take a moment and actually sit still.
My most frequent thoughts about what to do next all center around the burrow. My office is a bit of a mess, and it would be nice to clean it up, simplify the clutter, and use my surroundings to reflect my intention for the next phase of my life. That shouldn't be too hard to do, provided I have the time and space to do it. There are a lot of books around my computer desk geared towards helping me out of various jams, so part of the work will be figuring which books to look through first.
There's Mindful Eating, which will certainly help me with my weight loss goal. There's "The Smart but Scattered Guide to Success," for ADHD adults like me to develop coping strategies for the lack of executive function. There's "The Artist's Way" and a Morning Pages Journal I bought as a companion. There's a "Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook". And a "Hero's Journey Habit Journal". And a few other things.
Even though I'm not rushing to get back into the workforce just yet, I'd like to take the time I have to learn more discipline and more consistent focus. I know -- this is always the goal, all the time, forever. But here's the thing. I've gotten better at this through consistently striving for improvement. I know that if I put in some dedicated practice I'll be in a different headspace this fall than I was this spring.
It's exciting to step into this unknown period with an actual growth mindset. I'm thinking about learning SQL through my Udacity Nanodegree program, and extending my JIRA certification. I'm still subscribed to MasterClass for a good while, and there's Neil Gaiman's Storytelling class and a few others I'm excited about joining. I'd like to get better at cooking, which means more time in the kitchen. I'd like to start an herb garden or small houseplant collection. And I'd like to take a little bit of time rabbit-proofing the apartment so Biscuit has more room to run around and more of a chance to share space with us. He's a very curious rabbit and I don't think he'll be TOO destructive if we start to let him free roam.
I won't lie, it's ambitious. And I don't have a great track record with right-sizing projects for my level of energy. But the beauty of this time is that I'm allowed to make mistakes or take longer than anticipated (within reason). So it's easier to focus on the process of doing, really sinking into that and appreciating it. It also gives me valuable information about how I work with extended projects so I can get better at them -- both faster and more detailed.
For now, I think more decompression is in order. There are a few "light" projects I can handle while chilling with R. on his day off. I should move my passwords from LastPass to 1Password, for example. I need to take an accounting of my subscriptions at the moment and figure out what I can drop. I should prune my digital footprint a little and shape my remaining presence with a bit more intention.
And I should figure out how to deal with...so much. The 401K plans from Selligent, 23andMe, and now Udacity should be moved to my credit union. I'll need to figure out how to sign up for COBRA AND how to get reimbursed by Udacity for it. And likely in August, I'll want to sign up (again) for unemployment, especially if it's looking like it might take a minute before I can get another position.
Then there's all this side hustling. Patreon, copywriting, other things that might be neat to try. I'll need to build up a lot more confidence with my writing and develop a portfolio to get my foot in the door that way.
There are so many different possibilities! It will take some time to sort through them, but I'm up for that work.
I thought I'd have a stronger feeling about this morning, but strangely enough I'm still...numb. Numb isn't quite the word, I suppose. I am worried about what comes next. But I'm also focused on being present with whatever is here, reconnecting with the direction my heart is telling me to go. And since I have at least nine weeks of salary to go through before I get into trouble, I have time to take a moment and actually sit still.
My most frequent thoughts about what to do next all center around the burrow. My office is a bit of a mess, and it would be nice to clean it up, simplify the clutter, and use my surroundings to reflect my intention for the next phase of my life. That shouldn't be too hard to do, provided I have the time and space to do it. There are a lot of books around my computer desk geared towards helping me out of various jams, so part of the work will be figuring which books to look through first.
There's Mindful Eating, which will certainly help me with my weight loss goal. There's "The Smart but Scattered Guide to Success," for ADHD adults like me to develop coping strategies for the lack of executive function. There's "The Artist's Way" and a Morning Pages Journal I bought as a companion. There's a "Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook". And a "Hero's Journey Habit Journal". And a few other things.
Even though I'm not rushing to get back into the workforce just yet, I'd like to take the time I have to learn more discipline and more consistent focus. I know -- this is always the goal, all the time, forever. But here's the thing. I've gotten better at this through consistently striving for improvement. I know that if I put in some dedicated practice I'll be in a different headspace this fall than I was this spring.
It's exciting to step into this unknown period with an actual growth mindset. I'm thinking about learning SQL through my Udacity Nanodegree program, and extending my JIRA certification. I'm still subscribed to MasterClass for a good while, and there's Neil Gaiman's Storytelling class and a few others I'm excited about joining. I'd like to get better at cooking, which means more time in the kitchen. I'd like to start an herb garden or small houseplant collection. And I'd like to take a little bit of time rabbit-proofing the apartment so Biscuit has more room to run around and more of a chance to share space with us. He's a very curious rabbit and I don't think he'll be TOO destructive if we start to let him free roam.
I won't lie, it's ambitious. And I don't have a great track record with right-sizing projects for my level of energy. But the beauty of this time is that I'm allowed to make mistakes or take longer than anticipated (within reason). So it's easier to focus on the process of doing, really sinking into that and appreciating it. It also gives me valuable information about how I work with extended projects so I can get better at them -- both faster and more detailed.
For now, I think more decompression is in order. There are a few "light" projects I can handle while chilling with R. on his day off. I should move my passwords from LastPass to 1Password, for example. I need to take an accounting of my subscriptions at the moment and figure out what I can drop. I should prune my digital footprint a little and shape my remaining presence with a bit more intention.
And I should figure out how to deal with...so much. The 401K plans from Selligent, 23andMe, and now Udacity should be moved to my credit union. I'll need to figure out how to sign up for COBRA AND how to get reimbursed by Udacity for it. And likely in August, I'll want to sign up (again) for unemployment, especially if it's looking like it might take a minute before I can get another position.
Then there's all this side hustling. Patreon, copywriting, other things that might be neat to try. I'll need to build up a lot more confidence with my writing and develop a portfolio to get my foot in the door that way.
There are so many different possibilities! It will take some time to sort through them, but I'm up for that work.
