There and Back Again
Jan. 26th, 2023 08:01 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jakebe
January has been a surprisingly busy month. I only had four days of work before taking another two weeks off for Further Confusion 2023 and then my brother-in-law's wedding in Arkansas. Both events were really fun, and it was so good to reconnect with folks after such a long time.
Further Confusion has become mostly an excuse to hang out with friends from all over the country while ignoring most of the actual con stuff. I spent a good portion of the weekend at the FurPlanet table helping them with sales, and that's actually pretty awesome. It reminds me so much of my used bookstore days, though I need to read more so I'm current with what's new and available. The FP crew is great, and Z is especially fun to work with. He's another "friendly introvert" like me, so it's neat that we both understand the joys and drawbacks of the sales-fur position.
Other than that, we head to Haberdasher or Paper Plane (both local bars) in the evening, hang out in rooms after that, and head home whenever we feel like it. Husboo tends to stay out later than I do because he likes the room parties, but by then my social batteries are in need of recharging. It's interesting to cede so much of the con experience to the young and outgoing; I have no problem letting them have the dance, parade, music events, etc. I'm glad it's there for them, and I'm happy that I get to curate a different vibe on my own. I think I've truly entered my Greymuzzle phase.
The wedding in Arkansas was also really awesome. This is Husboo's last brother to get married, and the courtship was intense and sudden. The brother in question seems to have an Anxiety Disorder that he had self-medicated with alcohol until it became a problem. Now he's in therapy (I think), and his relationship with his wife went a long way toward settling him down. She's quiet, but engaged, and I think they're a pretty good match. It was wonderful seeing them cement their love for each other.
It was also great getting to visit the rest of the family. I had great conversations with his youngest brother and sister, but for different reasons. His youngest brother, G, is a bit of a right-wing asshole. I don't think it comes from a place of malice, but he has these gigantic blind spots he's not willing to recognize and tends to think of progressives (like me) as dismissable snowflakes. He's devoutly religious, so there IS a moral code there, but it seems like he also sees poverty as a moral failing instead of...a deeply-rooted institutional check against minorities. He still believes anyone can pull themselves up by their own bootstraps.
That being said, he's willing to engage under the right circumstances. He and Husboo get heated way too quickly, but I've found that if you indulge his "devil's advocate, just asking questions" viewpoint you can have fairly productive debates. I only got flustered once, when he tried to say that married men were oppressed because their money had to go to families instead of investments or other wealth-generating mechanisms. I just...couldn't grasp how someone with a PhD could make a claim like that.
The conversation with the youngest sister was a lot less draining. We talked about ADHD and mental health in general, and swapped stories about the journeys we were taking. She thinks she might have ADHD, or at least some kind of executive dysfunction, so she was really curious about our experiences with it. A family member from the bride's side (I think) joined us for that, and we quickly fell in as mental health buddies.
She was diagnosed with narcolepsy a few years ago, and actually takes Adderall to help with the condition. She doesn't like it, though, as it aggravates her anxiety. My husboo's family in general seem to have pretty sensitive anxiety triggers; his mother is almost-constantly worrying about something, and that fear has lead her to lash out at the rest of the family at times. It's interesting to absorb how that trait has trickled down to her children in various ways. Husboo's expression is different from his youngest brother G -- or his youngest sister S -- but it's all there. Learning how to be a calming, positive presence when I'm around them is excellent practice, especially because often their anxiety is expressed in a fight-reflex. Learning how not to take that personally in the moment in order to respond with compassion is joyous practice to me, because it helps me to get closer to these people I never would have had a relationship with otherwise.
It's also really fun getting to know the in-laws better. Six of the seven children in the family are now married; three of them have multiple children. One brother is also gay, so we tend to stay with that couple when we're visiting. This trip I feel like I really bonded with C (the gay brother) and his husband; on the morning of the wedding, we went together to his second job in a nail salon. He gave me my first ever pedicure, and I'm now rocking some sweet glittery-purple polish on my toes. He gifted another in-law, her daughter, and Husboo's mom with pedicures and manicures as well, and it was really great seeing him work. He thinks nothing of providing service to people; he's easygoing, but also has a strong sense of self. He knows what he likes, is really close to his Vietnamese family and culture, and freely shares whatever he has with people. He's awesome, and I can see what a good influence he is on Husboo's bro.
Now that all the travel and everything is over with, it's back home to focus on more personal projects. I've requested a promotion during my review cycle, and we'll see what the answer is when I sit down with my manager at the end of February. March 1st will be the announcement of raises, promotions, and our annual bonus. I'm not expecting to actually *get* the promotion, but it was good practice to ask for what I want and make a case for it. We'll see how it goes.
Further Confusion has become mostly an excuse to hang out with friends from all over the country while ignoring most of the actual con stuff. I spent a good portion of the weekend at the FurPlanet table helping them with sales, and that's actually pretty awesome. It reminds me so much of my used bookstore days, though I need to read more so I'm current with what's new and available. The FP crew is great, and Z is especially fun to work with. He's another "friendly introvert" like me, so it's neat that we both understand the joys and drawbacks of the sales-fur position.
Other than that, we head to Haberdasher or Paper Plane (both local bars) in the evening, hang out in rooms after that, and head home whenever we feel like it. Husboo tends to stay out later than I do because he likes the room parties, but by then my social batteries are in need of recharging. It's interesting to cede so much of the con experience to the young and outgoing; I have no problem letting them have the dance, parade, music events, etc. I'm glad it's there for them, and I'm happy that I get to curate a different vibe on my own. I think I've truly entered my Greymuzzle phase.
The wedding in Arkansas was also really awesome. This is Husboo's last brother to get married, and the courtship was intense and sudden. The brother in question seems to have an Anxiety Disorder that he had self-medicated with alcohol until it became a problem. Now he's in therapy (I think), and his relationship with his wife went a long way toward settling him down. She's quiet, but engaged, and I think they're a pretty good match. It was wonderful seeing them cement their love for each other.
It was also great getting to visit the rest of the family. I had great conversations with his youngest brother and sister, but for different reasons. His youngest brother, G, is a bit of a right-wing asshole. I don't think it comes from a place of malice, but he has these gigantic blind spots he's not willing to recognize and tends to think of progressives (like me) as dismissable snowflakes. He's devoutly religious, so there IS a moral code there, but it seems like he also sees poverty as a moral failing instead of...a deeply-rooted institutional check against minorities. He still believes anyone can pull themselves up by their own bootstraps.
That being said, he's willing to engage under the right circumstances. He and Husboo get heated way too quickly, but I've found that if you indulge his "devil's advocate, just asking questions" viewpoint you can have fairly productive debates. I only got flustered once, when he tried to say that married men were oppressed because their money had to go to families instead of investments or other wealth-generating mechanisms. I just...couldn't grasp how someone with a PhD could make a claim like that.
The conversation with the youngest sister was a lot less draining. We talked about ADHD and mental health in general, and swapped stories about the journeys we were taking. She thinks she might have ADHD, or at least some kind of executive dysfunction, so she was really curious about our experiences with it. A family member from the bride's side (I think) joined us for that, and we quickly fell in as mental health buddies.
She was diagnosed with narcolepsy a few years ago, and actually takes Adderall to help with the condition. She doesn't like it, though, as it aggravates her anxiety. My husboo's family in general seem to have pretty sensitive anxiety triggers; his mother is almost-constantly worrying about something, and that fear has lead her to lash out at the rest of the family at times. It's interesting to absorb how that trait has trickled down to her children in various ways. Husboo's expression is different from his youngest brother G -- or his youngest sister S -- but it's all there. Learning how to be a calming, positive presence when I'm around them is excellent practice, especially because often their anxiety is expressed in a fight-reflex. Learning how not to take that personally in the moment in order to respond with compassion is joyous practice to me, because it helps me to get closer to these people I never would have had a relationship with otherwise.
It's also really fun getting to know the in-laws better. Six of the seven children in the family are now married; three of them have multiple children. One brother is also gay, so we tend to stay with that couple when we're visiting. This trip I feel like I really bonded with C (the gay brother) and his husband; on the morning of the wedding, we went together to his second job in a nail salon. He gave me my first ever pedicure, and I'm now rocking some sweet glittery-purple polish on my toes. He gifted another in-law, her daughter, and Husboo's mom with pedicures and manicures as well, and it was really great seeing him work. He thinks nothing of providing service to people; he's easygoing, but also has a strong sense of self. He knows what he likes, is really close to his Vietnamese family and culture, and freely shares whatever he has with people. He's awesome, and I can see what a good influence he is on Husboo's bro.
Now that all the travel and everything is over with, it's back home to focus on more personal projects. I've requested a promotion during my review cycle, and we'll see what the answer is when I sit down with my manager at the end of February. March 1st will be the announcement of raises, promotions, and our annual bonus. I'm not expecting to actually *get* the promotion, but it was good practice to ask for what I want and make a case for it. We'll see how it goes.
