Dusting the Journal
Nov. 18th, 2022 07:58 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jakebe
It's a little bit shocking I haven't been here in a year. I just fell out of the habit of even attempting a daily journal and never looked back. With the imminent demise of Twitter, though, I thought I'd rediscover saner methods of self-expression online. I genuinely hope that people migrate to other services with some intentionality, thinking hard about the kinds of experiences they want. In the end though, people will go where people are.
This week has been *really* busy. There were surprise layoffs at work about a month ago and we're still reeling from the sudden loss. Our previous CEO, who left with everyone else, had been telling us that while there were challenges we had been doing really good business in previous quarters and were essentially a profitable business. The new "executive chairman", who's also the founder of the company, painted a different picture. We were bleeding the capital we had accumulated and with everything happening all over we weren't in the best position to *become* profitable next year. Even though they insisted that the people laid off weren't let go because of performance, it's kind of clear that it was an opportunity to clear house of entire departments that weren't quite working.
Everyone in my department was safe, except for two notable folks. One was my first manager at the company, and I was gutted to see her go. We got off to a rocky start, and I still don't think she likes me THAT much -- which is fair. But I respect her a lot; she has a tireless work ethic, she's amazingly talented and passionate, and she has a very strong sense of who she is and what she wants. I ended up learning an awful lot from her about how to work for what you want, how to adapt to massive changes around you, and how important it is to advocate for the team you're managing. She gave a lot better than she got at the company, and she'll be missed.
In the wake of losing around 15% of the company, those of us left behind have been scrambling to pick up the work that's still there to do -- even though the people in charge of that work are now gone. Like all times of change, there's opportunity here. I've used that time to knuckle down and work on becoming more consistent at work, more reliable. Even though so much of my company can be described as "hot mess", I still feel really privileged to be here. I love what I do, and I love who I'm working with. I want to show up for them, do my part to help guide my team through this rough patch.
This week, that meant working on a presentation to our new executive chairman about what our team did, the challenges we're facing, and what we need from the executive team to actually do our jobs. I think he's been getting pretty consistent feedback from the folks he's met so far. Basically, our infrastructure is straight garbage and it makes everything twice as hard as it needs to be. Also, our product could use a LOT of work in order to provide a good experience for the user. The Chairman is a true believer in the mission of the company where our ex-CEO was more of a straight businessman who was laser-focused on building a profitable model and eventually guiding us towards IPO.
I naturally like our Chairman, because I signed up to this company for the mission. I've worked directly with our users and I share their frustrations about the product. And it's been exhausting trying to get our teams to focus on the problems that would actually make us a better company and platform. Hopefully with the Chairman in charge we can refocus on the fundamentals.
But he's not a good leader. He lead the company before, through a series of multiple layoffs, and the folks who were around from those times are...not excited about the possibility of reliving them. We'll just have to see how things turn out. All I can do is build my reputation through hard work, update my resume, and hope for the best.
Outside of work things are way more...vague. I've been trying to hitch my wagon to some activity that makes my soul feel lighter, but I'm having trouble being consistent about it. I think it might be a good idea in general to pull back and rededicate myself to the fundamentals, too. Meditation, keeping a cleaner space, developing a regular writing practice. It's really hard to push myself to do a lot of this stuff when work is so exhausting, but you don't improve without investing your energy in uncomfortable ways. I just have to find a way to do it sustainably.
Honestly, I just want to be more mindful about what I do in general. I've spent an awful lot of time doom-scrolling on Twitter, and now seems to be an excellent time to start weaning myself from that addiction to stimulation. The idea of "slow living" is appealing to me right now, maybe not as a complete lifestyle, but more as a philosophy. Slowing down to be present where I am instead of being tossed about by the digital current is a much more attractive prospect right now.
So, more listening, more absorbing, less reacting and more responding. I know that my brain might not be the most naturally-organized place, but I also think there's a better way to work within the chaos that doesn't create so much anxiety. I'd also really like to be more reliable as a friend and colleague. So many people have been so good to me, and I want to live gratefully by honoring their generosity.
So that's where I am right now. :) Thanksgiving is coming up next week and I'm incredibly excited for it. But that's another entry; right now, it's setting up work to survive without me for a few days.
This week has been *really* busy. There were surprise layoffs at work about a month ago and we're still reeling from the sudden loss. Our previous CEO, who left with everyone else, had been telling us that while there were challenges we had been doing really good business in previous quarters and were essentially a profitable business. The new "executive chairman", who's also the founder of the company, painted a different picture. We were bleeding the capital we had accumulated and with everything happening all over we weren't in the best position to *become* profitable next year. Even though they insisted that the people laid off weren't let go because of performance, it's kind of clear that it was an opportunity to clear house of entire departments that weren't quite working.
Everyone in my department was safe, except for two notable folks. One was my first manager at the company, and I was gutted to see her go. We got off to a rocky start, and I still don't think she likes me THAT much -- which is fair. But I respect her a lot; she has a tireless work ethic, she's amazingly talented and passionate, and she has a very strong sense of who she is and what she wants. I ended up learning an awful lot from her about how to work for what you want, how to adapt to massive changes around you, and how important it is to advocate for the team you're managing. She gave a lot better than she got at the company, and she'll be missed.
In the wake of losing around 15% of the company, those of us left behind have been scrambling to pick up the work that's still there to do -- even though the people in charge of that work are now gone. Like all times of change, there's opportunity here. I've used that time to knuckle down and work on becoming more consistent at work, more reliable. Even though so much of my company can be described as "hot mess", I still feel really privileged to be here. I love what I do, and I love who I'm working with. I want to show up for them, do my part to help guide my team through this rough patch.
This week, that meant working on a presentation to our new executive chairman about what our team did, the challenges we're facing, and what we need from the executive team to actually do our jobs. I think he's been getting pretty consistent feedback from the folks he's met so far. Basically, our infrastructure is straight garbage and it makes everything twice as hard as it needs to be. Also, our product could use a LOT of work in order to provide a good experience for the user. The Chairman is a true believer in the mission of the company where our ex-CEO was more of a straight businessman who was laser-focused on building a profitable model and eventually guiding us towards IPO.
I naturally like our Chairman, because I signed up to this company for the mission. I've worked directly with our users and I share their frustrations about the product. And it's been exhausting trying to get our teams to focus on the problems that would actually make us a better company and platform. Hopefully with the Chairman in charge we can refocus on the fundamentals.
But he's not a good leader. He lead the company before, through a series of multiple layoffs, and the folks who were around from those times are...not excited about the possibility of reliving them. We'll just have to see how things turn out. All I can do is build my reputation through hard work, update my resume, and hope for the best.
Outside of work things are way more...vague. I've been trying to hitch my wagon to some activity that makes my soul feel lighter, but I'm having trouble being consistent about it. I think it might be a good idea in general to pull back and rededicate myself to the fundamentals, too. Meditation, keeping a cleaner space, developing a regular writing practice. It's really hard to push myself to do a lot of this stuff when work is so exhausting, but you don't improve without investing your energy in uncomfortable ways. I just have to find a way to do it sustainably.
Honestly, I just want to be more mindful about what I do in general. I've spent an awful lot of time doom-scrolling on Twitter, and now seems to be an excellent time to start weaning myself from that addiction to stimulation. The idea of "slow living" is appealing to me right now, maybe not as a complete lifestyle, but more as a philosophy. Slowing down to be present where I am instead of being tossed about by the digital current is a much more attractive prospect right now.
So, more listening, more absorbing, less reacting and more responding. I know that my brain might not be the most naturally-organized place, but I also think there's a better way to work within the chaos that doesn't create so much anxiety. I'd also really like to be more reliable as a friend and colleague. So many people have been so good to me, and I want to live gratefully by honoring their generosity.
So that's where I am right now. :) Thanksgiving is coming up next week and I'm incredibly excited for it. But that's another entry; right now, it's setting up work to survive without me for a few days.
