In Other Punching Bags...
Aug. 14th, 2002 10:03 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jakebe
Hey there, all...
Blackfeather went for the next leg of his trip this morning, after spending a week at the house. He'll be in St. Louis this afternoon, in Detroit the next...
It was really nice having someone to wake up next to for a while.
As nice as it feels, though, I really don't think I'm cut out for a relationship at this stage of my life. I would really like to try one out with a few people, actually...but I'm too...broken to really give it a go. If there's one thing this visit told me, it's that I have a bigger problem with intimacy and openness than I thought. Maybe Joey was right; maybe I don't spend enough time with people that I should.
I've thought about why I have such a problem with closeness a lot over the past few days, and I know why: without getting into it, or trying to get pity points, I've been...molested. Not in the "I've-been-victimized-by-evil-people-I-feel-so-dirty" kind of...OK, yeah, maybe in that kind of way.
Blackfeather went for the next leg of his trip this morning, after spending a week at the house. He'll be in St. Louis this afternoon, in Detroit the next...
It was really nice having someone to wake up next to for a while.
As nice as it feels, though, I really don't think I'm cut out for a relationship at this stage of my life. I would really like to try one out with a few people, actually...but I'm too...broken to really give it a go. If there's one thing this visit told me, it's that I have a bigger problem with intimacy and openness than I thought. Maybe Joey was right; maybe I don't spend enough time with people that I should.
I've thought about why I have such a problem with closeness a lot over the past few days, and I know why: without getting into it, or trying to get pity points, I've been...molested. Not in the "I've-been-victimized-by-evil-people-I-feel-so-dirty" kind of...OK, yeah, maybe in that kind of way.
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Hey there, all...
Blackfeather went for the next leg of his trip this morning, after spending a week at the house. He'll be in St. Louis this afternoon, in Detroit the next...
It was really nice having someone to wake up next to for a while.
As nice as it feels, though, I really don't think I'm cut out for a relationship at this stage of my life. I would really like to try one out with a few people, actually...but I'm too...broken to really give it a go. If there's one thing this visit told me, it's that I have a bigger problem with intimacy and openness than I thought. Maybe Joey was right; maybe I don't spend enough time with people that I should.
I've thought about why I have such a problem with closeness a lot over the past few days, and I know why: without getting into it, or trying to get pity points, I've been...molested. Not in the "I've-been-victimized-by-evil-people-I-feel-so-dirty" kind of...OK, yeah, maybe in that kind of way. <:) But well, a couple of really bad experiences have just soured me on the idea of close physical contact in general, and I'm not sure how to get over that. Until then, I really don't think I have what it takes to be really...intimate with someone on that relationship level.
And that sucks. Plain and simple.
Anyway, that can be dealt with a bit later. Right now, I think I'm going to crawl into a hole for a couple days and get some writing done...I've been needing to for some time now, and I have a really good, short idea for a story. I also have to get the <a href="http://boomerexpress.keenspace.com">Boomer Express</a> stuff done, come up with a proposal for The Bane of My Salvation, a web-comic I'd like to pitch to <a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/potoroo">Potoroo</a> to draw, work on Attempts 5 and 6 (Malin and Spiritwolf are about to kill me, I think), and see what I can do about sketching an idea for "Bird," an actual comic book I would like to see happen.
And I have to work up enough hours to take off for MFM, while keeping sure that my games are being run (Mutants Down Under summary shortly), I'm going to the plasma center (again) and whatever other social obligations I need to meet are being met.
Ugh, I need a clone. :/ But hopefully the other side of September will have something to show for all the craziness.
Blackfeather went for the next leg of his trip this morning, after spending a week at the house. He'll be in St. Louis this afternoon, in Detroit the next...
It was really nice having someone to wake up next to for a while.
As nice as it feels, though, I really don't think I'm cut out for a relationship at this stage of my life. I would really like to try one out with a few people, actually...but I'm too...broken to really give it a go. If there's one thing this visit told me, it's that I have a bigger problem with intimacy and openness than I thought. Maybe Joey was right; maybe I don't spend enough time with people that I should.
I've thought about why I have such a problem with closeness a lot over the past few days, and I know why: without getting into it, or trying to get pity points, I've been...molested. Not in the "I've-been-victimized-by-evil-people-I-feel-so-dirty" kind of...OK, yeah, maybe in that kind of way. <:) But well, a couple of really bad experiences have just soured me on the idea of close physical contact in general, and I'm not sure how to get over that. Until then, I really don't think I have what it takes to be really...intimate with someone on that relationship level.
And that sucks. Plain and simple.
Anyway, that can be dealt with a bit later. Right now, I think I'm going to crawl into a hole for a couple days and get some writing done...I've been needing to for some time now, and I have a really good, short idea for a story. I also have to get the <a href="http://boomerexpress.keenspace.com">Boomer Express</a> stuff done, come up with a proposal for The Bane of My Salvation, a web-comic I'd like to pitch to <a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/potoroo">Potoroo</a> to draw, work on Attempts 5 and 6 (Malin and Spiritwolf are about to kill me, I think), and see what I can do about sketching an idea for "Bird," an actual comic book I would like to see happen.
And I have to work up enough hours to take off for MFM, while keeping sure that my games are being run (Mutants Down Under summary shortly), I'm going to the plasma center (again) and whatever other social obligations I need to meet are being met.
Ugh, I need a clone. :/ But hopefully the other side of September will have something to show for all the craziness.
