A Small Amount of Running
Nov. 9th, 2007 07:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jakebe
Time: 20 minutes
Distance: 1.69 miles
Speed: 6.0 mph
Calories: 168
Running didn't work quite as well today. I, personally, blame my lack of tunes to keep me company. I always seem to do worse when I don't have something to distract me from the fact that my muscles are screaming at me to stop.
Either the lack of exercise in the past few weeks is taking its toll, or the schedule change is taking its toll, or I'm not getting enough water, or some combination of the three. Ah well; the goal for next session is to make sure I'm well-rested and thoroughly hydrated.
My mood has been up and down this week because of the schedule and a few other things. I've been taking a long hard look at the labels I've applied to myself -- Buddhist, poet, rabbit-soul, etc. -- and wondering whether or not I really think they apply. Am I just faking all these things? When was the last time I wrote a poem? How come I've never set foot in a Zen center? What do I really think about the concept of an immortal soul? What do I consider to be absolute truth? What do I really believe?
Maybe it's the early mornings that give me ample time to sit back and reflect on this stuff. Maybe, now that I'm finally comfortable and believe that it's 'safe' to do so, there's something in me that thinks it's time to look at this stuff. I'm not sure. But the deconstruction has been...illuminating, and frightening at the same time. How scary is it to think that if you peel back all of your layers there's nothing there?
But then, maybe there *is* nothing there, and the point is to look at it, recognize it and make your peace with it. The truth is for all of my civilized trappings, I'm very much an instinctive creature. I want to be recognized, liked and admired, my company to be sought after (but not too much). I want to be safe, and fed, and happy. I can be vindictive, petty, mean, self-absorbed, simple, slow. Sometimes you pull back a layer and you're surprised by all the rot underneath.
I am grateful, by the way, for people who are still passionate and curious about the world around them, and who buck the trend of apathy and derision. Thankfully, I have the good fortune to know a lot of them, and they make times like these easier.
Distance: 1.69 miles
Speed: 6.0 mph
Calories: 168
Running didn't work quite as well today. I, personally, blame my lack of tunes to keep me company. I always seem to do worse when I don't have something to distract me from the fact that my muscles are screaming at me to stop.
Either the lack of exercise in the past few weeks is taking its toll, or the schedule change is taking its toll, or I'm not getting enough water, or some combination of the three. Ah well; the goal for next session is to make sure I'm well-rested and thoroughly hydrated.
My mood has been up and down this week because of the schedule and a few other things. I've been taking a long hard look at the labels I've applied to myself -- Buddhist, poet, rabbit-soul, etc. -- and wondering whether or not I really think they apply. Am I just faking all these things? When was the last time I wrote a poem? How come I've never set foot in a Zen center? What do I really think about the concept of an immortal soul? What do I consider to be absolute truth? What do I really believe?
Maybe it's the early mornings that give me ample time to sit back and reflect on this stuff. Maybe, now that I'm finally comfortable and believe that it's 'safe' to do so, there's something in me that thinks it's time to look at this stuff. I'm not sure. But the deconstruction has been...illuminating, and frightening at the same time. How scary is it to think that if you peel back all of your layers there's nothing there?
But then, maybe there *is* nothing there, and the point is to look at it, recognize it and make your peace with it. The truth is for all of my civilized trappings, I'm very much an instinctive creature. I want to be recognized, liked and admired, my company to be sought after (but not too much). I want to be safe, and fed, and happy. I can be vindictive, petty, mean, self-absorbed, simple, slow. Sometimes you pull back a layer and you're surprised by all the rot underneath.
I am grateful, by the way, for people who are still passionate and curious about the world around them, and who buck the trend of apathy and derision. Thankfully, I have the good fortune to know a lot of them, and they make times like these easier.
