The Moon Ticking Down
Jun. 12th, 2007 10:16 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jakebe
I've been incommunicado with a lot of people for the past month or so, especially all of you wonderful people down in Arkansas. Truly sorry about that; I'm in a strange headspace right now, and I'm struggling through it without getting more folks involved than is absolutely necessary. :)
It's an omen, to me at least, that my final days at work coincide with the waning phases of the moon. In fact, the one vacation day I get between jobs on Thursday is the day of the new moon exactly. I'll end one livelihood when the moon shrinks down to nothing behind Earth's shadow and begin another when it starts to rebuild itself again.
I am probably making this out to be more momentous than it really is. People change jobs all the time, after all, for a whole host of reasons. However, this is...well, a pretty big career changer for me. It's a long way to Adobe offices from the hallowed halls of used bookstores. I'm wondering what parts of me will be called up in this new environment, what parts of me will be quietly (or violently) forced down. More than anything I'm wondering how well I can keep a fairly compassionate and mindful disposition when I'm wearing new oxfords that have yet to break in and a button-down shirt that makes me feel like I'm slowly being suffocated, and will run out of air by the time I'm 65. We'll see, I suppose. The whole reason I'm doing this in the first place is to try something new.
Writing is creeping along. I'm getting more relaxed about it all the time, and I'm learning to view the process of shitty first drafts as a joy rather than a terrifying thing. Deep in the darkest corners of my most reptilian brain is the idea that once I write a story, it's carved in stone. Once a character does something, it can't be taken back. That's the way it shall be forever, and I'm powerless to change that. This might have something to do with the rather moonbat theory that when I'm really into a story, when it 'grows legs,' as it were, I'm not so much writing as channeling something that's happening. I look for the moment when I'm no longer in control of it, and characters and plots and entire worlds just roll on without my input. Writing becomes, at that point, not a conscious exercise of the imagination, but merely looking through a window and reporting what I see.
The trouble is, it's been a very long time since any story of mine has grown any sort of legs. I'm just too uptight.
I've taken to writing little snippets of flash fiction here or there, and they probably won't see the light of day beyond certain circles. It's mostly for getting myself comfortable with writing again, and it's working, slowly but surely. I'm also beginning to see the importance of a quiet, comfortable space to work in.
Ah well, all things told things are pretty good. Since no post would be complete without a meme, here it is: 5 questions from new LJ friend![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
dethstryke
In the interest of getting to know folks better, just respond to this post with something obvious like, "Ask me 5 questions." and I'll do so. Post the answers in your own journal and do the same for others if asked. There we go!
1. What is one thing you miss most from your childhood?
I was going to go with something cheesy and earnest, like "my innocence," but I couldn't bring myself to type it with a straight face. Really, there were smileys everywhere. :D
My actual answer is the Enoch Pratt Free Library. When I was in middle and high school, I would walk, bus and taxi down to the library after school and just spend hours reading the books there. It was there that I first found The Time of the Transference by Alan Dean Foster, which was about as seminal in my development as a dime-novel sci-fi could be. I read any and everything, from old Conan stories to the rest of the Spellsinger series, to half of the Narnia chronicles, to non-fiction books about alien abductions, UFO sightings, crystal magic, astronomy and more. Ten minutes before closing, I'd always have at least three books in my hand, ready to devour by the weekend. It was way more than just a library, it was pretty much a second home.
And since home is a state of mind, there's little chance of me getting back there again, even if I head back to Baltimore and take a tour of all the branches that were various base camps over the years.
2. Do you remember how to play D&D 2nd edition without looking at the books?
*laughs* Ooooh, good question. Probably not, though I could explain a lot of the quirks through memory. I gladly chucked out my AD&D 2nd ed. knowledge with the rise of 3.5, since I wanted to be rid of THAC0 in the worst way. ;) Still, I remember things like weapon and non-weapon proficiencies, saves vs. doors, and all that good stuff. Odd fact: Most of my PCs in high school were named after animals, like "Coyote" and "Kangaroo." I was such a lame-ass back then. :D
3. Do you like or dislike being lost, and why? (in the sense of driving somewhere you've never been to before, but feel free to interpret as you like!)
There's a part of me that wants to answer yes, but the reality of it is 'not really.' Growing up in Baltimore City meant that any place you didn't know was a very dangerous place, simply because a lot of the places you *did* know were pretty damned seedy. :) I've backed off on the paranoia of new places, to the point where if I were on vacation somewhere and ended up taking a wrong turn on the tourist routes to end up in the 'real city,' I'd do OK.
4. What is your favorite Holiday?
Christmas/Yule/Kwanzaa/Chanuka. ;) The entire world takes on this really amazing feeling, you know? I never celebrated growing up, so I buy into all of it: peace on Earth, good will towards men, acts of charity and good faith. I believe it's the one time of year where people try to be nice to each other, just because it's the season. That's certainly not the case, but it changes the way I look at the world and how I interact with other people, so I really love it for that reason alone. I'd like to be able to exude Christmas spirit all year 'round. ;)
5. Who is your favorite author?
Goddamn, that's tough. A few names make the short list: Hermann Hesse, Ray Bradbury, C.S. Lewis. I have a soft spot in my heart for Peter Beagle, too. I'm a big Gaiman fan, though he has his problems. Joss Whedon, too. Most of my ideas about what graphic novels and comic books should be like come from them, along with Grant Morrison. I'll pick up things I probably shouldn't simply because it has their name on it. ;) Alan Dean Foster, while not necessarily good, is an author I hold dear out of sentiment. Kenneth Grahamme, though he really only did The Wind in the Willows. Still, "The Piper at the Gates of Dawn" is just...one of the most awesome pieces of fiction I've ever read. Alain de Botton is an author I've recently started to get into. Jonathan Lethem is another; he writes just...the craziest stuff, but with such style and sure-footedness you have no doubt he knows what he's doing even if you don't. Gary Snyder, the one beat poet who...seems genuine to me. He's as vulgar and strange as the rest of them, but his writing is unadorned with the usual word salad stuff that's fairly typical of the movement. He's a traditionalist, so his work is timeless. Billy Collins is one of my favorite poets - cheeky, accessible and intelligent all in one go. All of these are my favorites, and I can't nail it down to just one guy. :) It's like asking what your favorite food is. :)
Next: a big long introspective post on how I came to Zen Buddhism, since someone asked.
It's an omen, to me at least, that my final days at work coincide with the waning phases of the moon. In fact, the one vacation day I get between jobs on Thursday is the day of the new moon exactly. I'll end one livelihood when the moon shrinks down to nothing behind Earth's shadow and begin another when it starts to rebuild itself again.
I am probably making this out to be more momentous than it really is. People change jobs all the time, after all, for a whole host of reasons. However, this is...well, a pretty big career changer for me. It's a long way to Adobe offices from the hallowed halls of used bookstores. I'm wondering what parts of me will be called up in this new environment, what parts of me will be quietly (or violently) forced down. More than anything I'm wondering how well I can keep a fairly compassionate and mindful disposition when I'm wearing new oxfords that have yet to break in and a button-down shirt that makes me feel like I'm slowly being suffocated, and will run out of air by the time I'm 65. We'll see, I suppose. The whole reason I'm doing this in the first place is to try something new.
Writing is creeping along. I'm getting more relaxed about it all the time, and I'm learning to view the process of shitty first drafts as a joy rather than a terrifying thing. Deep in the darkest corners of my most reptilian brain is the idea that once I write a story, it's carved in stone. Once a character does something, it can't be taken back. That's the way it shall be forever, and I'm powerless to change that. This might have something to do with the rather moonbat theory that when I'm really into a story, when it 'grows legs,' as it were, I'm not so much writing as channeling something that's happening. I look for the moment when I'm no longer in control of it, and characters and plots and entire worlds just roll on without my input. Writing becomes, at that point, not a conscious exercise of the imagination, but merely looking through a window and reporting what I see.
The trouble is, it's been a very long time since any story of mine has grown any sort of legs. I'm just too uptight.
I've taken to writing little snippets of flash fiction here or there, and they probably won't see the light of day beyond certain circles. It's mostly for getting myself comfortable with writing again, and it's working, slowly but surely. I'm also beginning to see the importance of a quiet, comfortable space to work in.
Ah well, all things told things are pretty good. Since no post would be complete without a meme, here it is: 5 questions from new LJ friend
dethstrykeIn the interest of getting to know folks better, just respond to this post with something obvious like, "Ask me 5 questions." and I'll do so. Post the answers in your own journal and do the same for others if asked. There we go!
1. What is one thing you miss most from your childhood?
I was going to go with something cheesy and earnest, like "my innocence," but I couldn't bring myself to type it with a straight face. Really, there were smileys everywhere. :D
My actual answer is the Enoch Pratt Free Library. When I was in middle and high school, I would walk, bus and taxi down to the library after school and just spend hours reading the books there. It was there that I first found The Time of the Transference by Alan Dean Foster, which was about as seminal in my development as a dime-novel sci-fi could be. I read any and everything, from old Conan stories to the rest of the Spellsinger series, to half of the Narnia chronicles, to non-fiction books about alien abductions, UFO sightings, crystal magic, astronomy and more. Ten minutes before closing, I'd always have at least three books in my hand, ready to devour by the weekend. It was way more than just a library, it was pretty much a second home.
And since home is a state of mind, there's little chance of me getting back there again, even if I head back to Baltimore and take a tour of all the branches that were various base camps over the years.
2. Do you remember how to play D&D 2nd edition without looking at the books?
*laughs* Ooooh, good question. Probably not, though I could explain a lot of the quirks through memory. I gladly chucked out my AD&D 2nd ed. knowledge with the rise of 3.5, since I wanted to be rid of THAC0 in the worst way. ;) Still, I remember things like weapon and non-weapon proficiencies, saves vs. doors, and all that good stuff. Odd fact: Most of my PCs in high school were named after animals, like "Coyote" and "Kangaroo." I was such a lame-ass back then. :D
3. Do you like or dislike being lost, and why? (in the sense of driving somewhere you've never been to before, but feel free to interpret as you like!)
There's a part of me that wants to answer yes, but the reality of it is 'not really.' Growing up in Baltimore City meant that any place you didn't know was a very dangerous place, simply because a lot of the places you *did* know were pretty damned seedy. :) I've backed off on the paranoia of new places, to the point where if I were on vacation somewhere and ended up taking a wrong turn on the tourist routes to end up in the 'real city,' I'd do OK.
4. What is your favorite Holiday?
Christmas/Yule/Kwanzaa/Chanuka. ;) The entire world takes on this really amazing feeling, you know? I never celebrated growing up, so I buy into all of it: peace on Earth, good will towards men, acts of charity and good faith. I believe it's the one time of year where people try to be nice to each other, just because it's the season. That's certainly not the case, but it changes the way I look at the world and how I interact with other people, so I really love it for that reason alone. I'd like to be able to exude Christmas spirit all year 'round. ;)
5. Who is your favorite author?
Goddamn, that's tough. A few names make the short list: Hermann Hesse, Ray Bradbury, C.S. Lewis. I have a soft spot in my heart for Peter Beagle, too. I'm a big Gaiman fan, though he has his problems. Joss Whedon, too. Most of my ideas about what graphic novels and comic books should be like come from them, along with Grant Morrison. I'll pick up things I probably shouldn't simply because it has their name on it. ;) Alan Dean Foster, while not necessarily good, is an author I hold dear out of sentiment. Kenneth Grahamme, though he really only did The Wind in the Willows. Still, "The Piper at the Gates of Dawn" is just...one of the most awesome pieces of fiction I've ever read. Alain de Botton is an author I've recently started to get into. Jonathan Lethem is another; he writes just...the craziest stuff, but with such style and sure-footedness you have no doubt he knows what he's doing even if you don't. Gary Snyder, the one beat poet who...seems genuine to me. He's as vulgar and strange as the rest of them, but his writing is unadorned with the usual word salad stuff that's fairly typical of the movement. He's a traditionalist, so his work is timeless. Billy Collins is one of my favorite poets - cheeky, accessible and intelligent all in one go. All of these are my favorites, and I can't nail it down to just one guy. :) It's like asking what your favorite food is. :)
Next: a big long introspective post on how I came to Zen Buddhism, since someone asked.
