jakebe | The Weight of the World

Lately, it's been feeling like there's no place I can go that isn't stressful. Work brings with it its own problems -- the pay, for instance, is kind of a tip-of-the-iceberg thing that includes the boss' expectations for me, their expectation of other employees, my workload, the Internet orders and the company with which we do e-business, as well as the standard trials of organization, cramming too many books into too small of a space, making sure there's enough signage to allow for unaided browsing (all of our signs are handmade), etc. etc.

At home, I'm feeling ganged up on by friends who want to spend time with me. I understand why people are doing it and it's flattering and touching but nonetheless very stressful. Even the playful joking of "we never do x" or "you like other people more than you like me" is more than likely going to cause me to snap at offending friend.

Monday evening - brainstorming session with

daroneasa
Tuesday evening -

fisherking's Changeling game
Wednesday evening - work
Thursday evening - Free Day, usually taken up by hanging out with friend by the previous weekend
Friday evening -

arlekin's Werewolf game
Saturday evening - Buffy/Angel with the usual crowd
Sunday evening - Free Day, usually taken up by hanging out with friend by the weekend.

I'm only off on Sunday and Monday, and Sunday I spend RPing online with Dad and Lazarus, when I'm not being drug off by RL friends to do something or other. Monday something almost always comes up, if not work, to eat the afternoon at the very least.

I really want to spend time with people. But I also want to write and read and just spend time alone without having to take a bunch of crap for it. Even time I'm spending with friends is usually peppered with "Why won't you do x with me on the weekend?", or some *other* friend asking for time.

It's *really* getting stressful. I just want to be able to go through the day without people making demands of me at this point.

I thought I would be able to decompress some this weekend, but now I find there's going to be a huge honking party in my apartment on Saturday night. This was planned without my knowledge or consent. This is the second time an activity in the apartment was decided on without my input (the first was Arlekin's Werewolf game being forced to find a new place).

The party, in actuality, is not a big deal; I'm not there before midnight anyway, and I've been able to sleep through them in the past. In fact, had I been asked, I more than likely would have said yes. But I wasn't. I wasn't given the choice. Nor was I given the chance to make concessions for the Werewolf game, which I play in.

I'm just tired. I'm tired of being made to feel like crap for trying to be accomodating. And I'm tired of having my agreeable nature used as justification for not even consulting me. My friends aren't bad people, otherwise they wouldn't be my friends. I just wish people would...*think* of me for a change.

In other news, it's National High-Five Day. Give a random stranger a hi-five. Go ahead, let 'em into the club.