September Chicken
Sep. 28th, 2005 09:03 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jakebe
"Now put down that gun or I swear by my pretty floral bonnet I will end you." -Mal, Our Mrs. Reynolds
Slowly, but surely, my confidence is returning. :) It's amazing what writing a game will do for you! I'm starting up a Greyhawk (sans Living, mind you) D+D campaign next Tuesday, that I'm really looking forward to. It's set in one of those small towns where, you know, nothing is as it seems and everyone has history and secrets and blah blah blah. I really adore this type of setting precisely because it's so rich and character-driven, and it lends itself to being rather distinctive.
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stickypawz, arlekin, bamboofae and fisherking will be in it, so I've already got a nice, established group. The first three games will be pretty much setting up the synthesis for all four characters, bringing them together as a cohesive group. We've got a mage, two artisans (blacksmiths, I believe) and a gambler. I'm kind of curious to see what the dynamic will be like.
The move is nearly complete; there's just the 'altar', some posters, and all the kitchen stuff to bring up. Many thanks toarlekin and silver_raccoon for helping with stuff and -- mostly -- just keeping me company while the hard work was being done. Oh! And thanks for caleb_badger being an absolute fiend with carrying bookshelves and making me feel like a weak little pansy.
In slightly related news, I'm about done with selfish people, and especially selfish people who use personality traits to justify being selfish and crappy towards other people. (/drama)
In other slightly related news, I've been a pretty crappy Buddhist as of late. Well, I mean, I'm *always* a crappy Buddhist, but I've been especially crappy *lately*. Not mindful or direct, getting ticked off and stewing about it so that I end up venting to the wrong people. If I had a bamboo stick, I would be hitting myself right now. Mmm, Lutheran flagellation using Buddhist disciplinary tools. Truly, the best of interfaith ideas. :9
Anyway, I have a lot to learn about what to do with anger. I really don't like confrontation, especially since I don't think well when emotions are running high. I'm the quintessential "I should have said *this*" guy. I'm so fumbly and lame when I'm actually talking, but afterwards I'm a whiz at analyzing flaws in both arguments and refining my position. I hate debates for this very reason. I guess I think of myself as reasonably intelligent, just...slow about it.
I'd much rather sit and stew and vent somewhere else when something upsets or offends me, and trust that I'll get over it soon enough. My anger is hot but quick. If I flare up, give me a few hours and I'll have burned myself out easily enough. This doesn't happen, however, when a pattern emerges that indicates a more fundamental problem. Anger is quicker to come and longer to stay. So I end up being perpetually pissed, and hating myself for it.
There's a pervasive 'me first' attitude that really pisses me off; it's not the attitude itself that I find offensive (everyone has it to varying degrees), but it's the extremity of it. It's 'me first, and fuck everyone else' mentality. The lack of respect, of empathy, of even effort to accomodate the needs or wishes of those around you. There comes a point when looking out for yourself becomes more a blatant disregard for others. This incenses me, especially when it affects me personally. Someone who acts in a way that suggests they think of themselves in a vacuum -- where their actions don't have any effect on the people aound them -- gets under my skin. Worse yet, people who realize or are reminded of what their actions could do, and decide to not take that into consideration anyway. That *really* upsets me.
Some people are just forgetful of others, to an almost hopeless degree. And some people just don't care. Either way, the attitude points to a fundamental arrogance -- I'm the only person that I really need to worry about -- that ticks me off in the worst way. And no matter what I've tried, I can't shake the anger. Channeling it into doing something else doesn't help, and I can't really figure out how to get it to motivate me into...something positive. It just sits there and makes me all snarky and mean.
But! I'm going to have ample opportunity to learn how to deal with this. Hopefully I won't be quite so slow getting this lesson to go down.
Slowly, but surely, my confidence is returning. :) It's amazing what writing a game will do for you! I'm starting up a Greyhawk (sans Living, mind you) D+D campaign next Tuesday, that I'm really looking forward to. It's set in one of those small towns where, you know, nothing is as it seems and everyone has history and secrets and blah blah blah. I really adore this type of setting precisely because it's so rich and character-driven, and it lends itself to being rather distinctive.
stickypawz, arlekin, bamboofae and fisherking will be in it, so I've already got a nice, established group. The first three games will be pretty much setting up the synthesis for all four characters, bringing them together as a cohesive group. We've got a mage, two artisans (blacksmiths, I believe) and a gambler. I'm kind of curious to see what the dynamic will be like. The move is nearly complete; there's just the 'altar', some posters, and all the kitchen stuff to bring up. Many thanks to
arlekin and silver_raccoon for helping with stuff and -- mostly -- just keeping me company while the hard work was being done. Oh! And thanks for caleb_badger being an absolute fiend with carrying bookshelves and making me feel like a weak little pansy.In slightly related news, I'm about done with selfish people, and especially selfish people who use personality traits to justify being selfish and crappy towards other people. (/drama)
In other slightly related news, I've been a pretty crappy Buddhist as of late. Well, I mean, I'm *always* a crappy Buddhist, but I've been especially crappy *lately*. Not mindful or direct, getting ticked off and stewing about it so that I end up venting to the wrong people. If I had a bamboo stick, I would be hitting myself right now. Mmm, Lutheran flagellation using Buddhist disciplinary tools. Truly, the best of interfaith ideas. :9
Anyway, I have a lot to learn about what to do with anger. I really don't like confrontation, especially since I don't think well when emotions are running high. I'm the quintessential "I should have said *this*" guy. I'm so fumbly and lame when I'm actually talking, but afterwards I'm a whiz at analyzing flaws in both arguments and refining my position. I hate debates for this very reason. I guess I think of myself as reasonably intelligent, just...slow about it.
I'd much rather sit and stew and vent somewhere else when something upsets or offends me, and trust that I'll get over it soon enough. My anger is hot but quick. If I flare up, give me a few hours and I'll have burned myself out easily enough. This doesn't happen, however, when a pattern emerges that indicates a more fundamental problem. Anger is quicker to come and longer to stay. So I end up being perpetually pissed, and hating myself for it.
There's a pervasive 'me first' attitude that really pisses me off; it's not the attitude itself that I find offensive (everyone has it to varying degrees), but it's the extremity of it. It's 'me first, and fuck everyone else' mentality. The lack of respect, of empathy, of even effort to accomodate the needs or wishes of those around you. There comes a point when looking out for yourself becomes more a blatant disregard for others. This incenses me, especially when it affects me personally. Someone who acts in a way that suggests they think of themselves in a vacuum -- where their actions don't have any effect on the people aound them -- gets under my skin. Worse yet, people who realize or are reminded of what their actions could do, and decide to not take that into consideration anyway. That *really* upsets me.
Some people are just forgetful of others, to an almost hopeless degree. And some people just don't care. Either way, the attitude points to a fundamental arrogance -- I'm the only person that I really need to worry about -- that ticks me off in the worst way. And no matter what I've tried, I can't shake the anger. Channeling it into doing something else doesn't help, and I can't really figure out how to get it to motivate me into...something positive. It just sits there and makes me all snarky and mean.
But! I'm going to have ample opportunity to learn how to deal with this. Hopefully I won't be quite so slow getting this lesson to go down.
