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jakebe
My mood finally bottomed out late last night when I just couldn't get into anything anyone was telling me and I walked into the Giant's Club in a hypersensitive mood. Big mistake. I was just asking to feel alienated and left out...the thing is this really is the fault of no one in there at the time. They were just having a good time, and I'm sure I would have been included had I just...tried. But I did the Chaplin Tramp routine, watched through a self-imposed stage window, and left. After that I wallowed around in feeling sorry for myself and surprising, intense hatred for my sister, then went to bed. No one was subjected to any hardship on my part, I'm happy to say. :)
The best part about hitting your lowest point is that your feet are finally on something solid.
So now, bright sides: the trip to Australia being postponed frees up my finances for a few months so I can help out Mom a bit more, buy Christmas presents for a few folks and get a thing or two I've been wanting for some time: namely a neat Australian hat to match my leather duster and a surprise(!) that I'll take pictures of when it finally happens next month.
I can make a few trips outside Arkansas at the beginning of the year. I don't know if I'll make PMP (transportation is the biggest issue here; I'm fairly sure I could take a day or two off for it, but we'll see), but I'm already planning to hit Minneapolis and Wisconsin in December/January and February. Perhaps there'll be a visit to Indiana and a trek back home to Md. in the first part of the year as well.
I can be a bit more relaxed about saving, so that there isn't this consistent pressure to be frugal. I'll have some more wiggle room in my budget, and that way I can pare back extravagant spending (which admittedly there isn't much of in the first place) bit by bit.
Talking to Lazarus and Tube yesterday made me realize a few things, namely that setting ridiculously high standards for yourself are...damaging at best. People are people, and that includes you, and while it's important to strive to be the best you can be, it's just as important to recognize, accept and make peace with your flaws. A Zen master, I forget which, says that the purpose of the practice is to be imperfect perfectly, and that phrase has always struck a chord with me. At the end of the day, master and student are the same -- just people, lost and confused as anyone else. The master makes confusion his home, and knows how to move around without knocking shit over, while the student views it as an unwelcome guest, messing up his carefully pruned trinket set. Mmm. Bad analogies are better than coffee in the morning. :9
Long day at work, followed by "I-don't-know-what" at home.
Oh! Happy birthday to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
brahma_minotaur and teaselbone, because, you know, everyone's doing it.
The best part about hitting your lowest point is that your feet are finally on something solid.
So now, bright sides: the trip to Australia being postponed frees up my finances for a few months so I can help out Mom a bit more, buy Christmas presents for a few folks and get a thing or two I've been wanting for some time: namely a neat Australian hat to match my leather duster and a surprise(!) that I'll take pictures of when it finally happens next month.
I can make a few trips outside Arkansas at the beginning of the year. I don't know if I'll make PMP (transportation is the biggest issue here; I'm fairly sure I could take a day or two off for it, but we'll see), but I'm already planning to hit Minneapolis and Wisconsin in December/January and February. Perhaps there'll be a visit to Indiana and a trek back home to Md. in the first part of the year as well.
I can be a bit more relaxed about saving, so that there isn't this consistent pressure to be frugal. I'll have some more wiggle room in my budget, and that way I can pare back extravagant spending (which admittedly there isn't much of in the first place) bit by bit.
Talking to Lazarus and Tube yesterday made me realize a few things, namely that setting ridiculously high standards for yourself are...damaging at best. People are people, and that includes you, and while it's important to strive to be the best you can be, it's just as important to recognize, accept and make peace with your flaws. A Zen master, I forget which, says that the purpose of the practice is to be imperfect perfectly, and that phrase has always struck a chord with me. At the end of the day, master and student are the same -- just people, lost and confused as anyone else. The master makes confusion his home, and knows how to move around without knocking shit over, while the student views it as an unwelcome guest, messing up his carefully pruned trinket set. Mmm. Bad analogies are better than coffee in the morning. :9
Long day at work, followed by "I-don't-know-what" at home.
Oh! Happy birthday to
brahma_minotaur and teaselbone, because, you know, everyone's doing it.
