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Day 77: We've Got A Ticket to Anywhere
Jul. 6th, 2023 11:59 amThe panel interview for the position at Stanford went pretty well, all things considered! I met four people on the team, including the newest hire for the permanent role that I was rejected for, and I think I hit it off well with them. They're all great people who seem enthusiastic about their job and the university, and I get the feeling that they're quite supportive of one another. That really makes me happy! There were a few questions I'm not sure I scored points on, but overall the interview went well and I really like my chances.
The position is no longer posted on the site, and judging by the speed with which I was invited back to the next round I'd say I have a strong shot. Not sure when I'll hear back from them on next steps, but I'm trying not to sweat it. Best case scenario, I get an offer tomorrow that allows me to celebrate through the weekend. Worst-case scenario? I'm left dangling for a couple weeks before they decide to go elsewhere. Even then, I think I've impressed folks enough with the interview that I feel my chances have improved for other positions just the same. At the very least, now I know I can target temporary positions as a way to keep interviewing and -- eventually -- land something.
I'm not sure if it's because Stanford is so close I can taste it or what, but looking over other job openings for the past week have felt a lot more grim. Indeed is serving openings for executive assistants, front office clerks, admins, and the like for companies that would be fine to work for if they didn't have such low Glassdoor ratings. Most of them are in-person only, so no chance at a hybrid work schedule, and the pay is right around $25/hour at most. The hours, the expectations, the experience and requirements, and the pay all combine to make it feel like I just barely qualify for this entry-level position that pays me $13/hr less than I made at my last job. It's not a great feeling to throw your resume at a position guaranteed to go to someone younger and hungrier.
I suppose this is what age discrimination feels like? By the time one reaches my level of experience, I think the expectation is to have an established network deep enough you don't have to submit a cold resume for an opening. For any position worth the compensation, referrals and "club hires" feel like the way to go. But I just never developed a proper network, so the folks I know in positions to help me aren't really inclined to do so -- or they're also looking for work. Business culture has shifted enough that loyalty doesn't really exist for any specific company. There are "bubbles" of people instead that you float with from place to place.
Anyway, all this to say that I sincerely hope my 11-week joblessness run is coming to an end.
I'm feeling mostly recovered from COVID, though there's a lingering pressure in my chest and some final congestion to deal with. The hope is we'll both test negative on Friday so we can meet up with the lads on Saturday for a D&D session. After that, R. plans to hit up SF for Frolic while K. and I resume are Twin Peaks viewing. If the tests come back positive, we'll obviously have to transition to plan B, whatever that is. I'm guessing it'll be getting high and watching a few things on our list.
One of the things I'd like to prioritize this month is being more social and deepening my relationships with people. Especially when I'm high, I tend to default into drifting through the world in this bubble of awareness that doesn't settle anywhere, it just keeps floating until there's something else to occupy my attention. It's like the stress of effort for connection isn't worth it, or more likely, that I can't expend that effort for various reasons. Sometimes I just don't feel cognizant enough to do it, but more often it's...the expectation that I need to keep my attention fixed on someone enough to influence their moods. I'm just vibing, man. Can't we just like, vibe in the same area for a while with no other expectations?
But spending hours just passively watching YouTube doesn't make for particularly deep relationships. I have so many great friends who have such amazing perspectives on life, and I don't do nearly enough to show my appreciation for them or encouragement for their best habits. Sometimes I can feel that R. is making a bid for my attention, usually really late at night, and I'm just not responding because I want to be alone in my bubble. He's had to deal with a lot of stone-faced rejection over the years that has nothing to do with him -- it's all about my...strange desire to slip into catatonia for long periods of time.
I hope that as I learn how to be more mindful, present, and focused it will be a bit easier for me to do so. I know being an introvert means I'll always need some time to myself for recharging, but I can also be way more intentional about it AND more generous with my time and attention so that folks don't feel like they're left in a lurch with me quite so often. Being more communicative also gives me the chance to think about my needs and practice actually stating them to people, so there's that.
All in all, a good day/week. There's still a lot of work to do, so it's time to roll up the sleeves.
The position is no longer posted on the site, and judging by the speed with which I was invited back to the next round I'd say I have a strong shot. Not sure when I'll hear back from them on next steps, but I'm trying not to sweat it. Best case scenario, I get an offer tomorrow that allows me to celebrate through the weekend. Worst-case scenario? I'm left dangling for a couple weeks before they decide to go elsewhere. Even then, I think I've impressed folks enough with the interview that I feel my chances have improved for other positions just the same. At the very least, now I know I can target temporary positions as a way to keep interviewing and -- eventually -- land something.
I'm not sure if it's because Stanford is so close I can taste it or what, but looking over other job openings for the past week have felt a lot more grim. Indeed is serving openings for executive assistants, front office clerks, admins, and the like for companies that would be fine to work for if they didn't have such low Glassdoor ratings. Most of them are in-person only, so no chance at a hybrid work schedule, and the pay is right around $25/hour at most. The hours, the expectations, the experience and requirements, and the pay all combine to make it feel like I just barely qualify for this entry-level position that pays me $13/hr less than I made at my last job. It's not a great feeling to throw your resume at a position guaranteed to go to someone younger and hungrier.
I suppose this is what age discrimination feels like? By the time one reaches my level of experience, I think the expectation is to have an established network deep enough you don't have to submit a cold resume for an opening. For any position worth the compensation, referrals and "club hires" feel like the way to go. But I just never developed a proper network, so the folks I know in positions to help me aren't really inclined to do so -- or they're also looking for work. Business culture has shifted enough that loyalty doesn't really exist for any specific company. There are "bubbles" of people instead that you float with from place to place.
Anyway, all this to say that I sincerely hope my 11-week joblessness run is coming to an end.
I'm feeling mostly recovered from COVID, though there's a lingering pressure in my chest and some final congestion to deal with. The hope is we'll both test negative on Friday so we can meet up with the lads on Saturday for a D&D session. After that, R. plans to hit up SF for Frolic while K. and I resume are Twin Peaks viewing. If the tests come back positive, we'll obviously have to transition to plan B, whatever that is. I'm guessing it'll be getting high and watching a few things on our list.
One of the things I'd like to prioritize this month is being more social and deepening my relationships with people. Especially when I'm high, I tend to default into drifting through the world in this bubble of awareness that doesn't settle anywhere, it just keeps floating until there's something else to occupy my attention. It's like the stress of effort for connection isn't worth it, or more likely, that I can't expend that effort for various reasons. Sometimes I just don't feel cognizant enough to do it, but more often it's...the expectation that I need to keep my attention fixed on someone enough to influence their moods. I'm just vibing, man. Can't we just like, vibe in the same area for a while with no other expectations?
But spending hours just passively watching YouTube doesn't make for particularly deep relationships. I have so many great friends who have such amazing perspectives on life, and I don't do nearly enough to show my appreciation for them or encouragement for their best habits. Sometimes I can feel that R. is making a bid for my attention, usually really late at night, and I'm just not responding because I want to be alone in my bubble. He's had to deal with a lot of stone-faced rejection over the years that has nothing to do with him -- it's all about my...strange desire to slip into catatonia for long periods of time.
I hope that as I learn how to be more mindful, present, and focused it will be a bit easier for me to do so. I know being an introvert means I'll always need some time to myself for recharging, but I can also be way more intentional about it AND more generous with my time and attention so that folks don't feel like they're left in a lurch with me quite so often. Being more communicative also gives me the chance to think about my needs and practice actually stating them to people, so there's that.
All in all, a good day/week. There's still a lot of work to do, so it's time to roll up the sleeves.
