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Yesterday I ended up chatting with folks online much more deeply than I have in a long time. It was a very nice feeling to just...connect with people. Over the past several years I've severed a lot of relationships, intentionally and unintentionally, and I can't quite explain the mindset that led to it. In some ways, the folks I chatted with online didn't feel like actual people -- they were obligations, pleas for attention, or guilt-traps. Like, folks who had been tirelessly friendly to me and reached out with respect for any space I needed but I haven't treated with nearly the same level of consideration. Many of those folks are right here on Dreamwidth, and while I'm sure they would think nothing of my relative silence it still feels like I've been a bad friend for several years.
Anyway, it feels good to speak mindfully with folks all around the world and in different walks of life. We caught up with each other's latest exploits, opened up about fetishy stuff, that sort of thing. I was surprised to find my voice as the "character" Jakebe coming out fully-formed even after all this time. It's different from the way it was before, but it still feels right to me.
I'm not sure if I'll have time to continue down this track once I've found gainful employment, but we'll just have to see how that goes. I'm low-key keeping my fingers crossed that I can find a decently-paying position that will allow me to work from home, just because it's so much easier for me to maintain my work-life balance.
Returned to writing and Duolingo yesterday, which felt great! 700 words on the next episode of the Patreon serial and a solid 20-minute session of learning French. With Swiftie's Intergalactic, the voice is slowly clarifying over time -- I think, as I zero in on my own trepidations about indulging in my macro/micro kink, it's easier to translate that through the main character's perspective. I'm also getting more comfortable differentiating characters through dialogue or descriptive association, though I'm not sure I'm where I want to be there. But hey, that's what this deliberate practice is for!
It's beginning to feel like the story will be longer than anticipated, though I'm committed to making sure there's a new episode every week. I suppose that will teach me to give a firm episode count before I've actually written the dang thing. It's not the worst problem to have, but it is a reminder that your actual story often doesn't look exactly like the outline you've made for it. Honestly I'm fine with that; part of the joy in writing this way is the ability to discover my process as I go. But it does underscore the importance of being more aware of how I set expectations for a paying audience so folks know what to expect. From my experience, it's not that difficult to find a following as long as you're putting in consistent work, you know?
There were several times yesterday where I wrestled with doing the next best thing, and ultimately I lost more of those battles than I should have. I didn't go any preparation for the D&D game next Friday; though we didn't get to the end of what I had written last time, this is a good opportunity to get ahead of things a little and I really shouldn't waste it. Last session was an object lesson in how preparation actually makes the game MORE enjoyable and LESS stressful. The work I put into describing the areas and making the characters feel internally consistent paid dividends, and since the next session will heavily feature in-character discussion that decides how the PCs proceed I have an opportunity to work on my persuasion skills.
It's not hard work once I get started. The start is always the hardest part. I'm hoping that as I practice pushing past the discomfort of deliberate effort that gets easier -- or at least gives me the tools I need to do this more consistently. Right now, I really ought to work on being mindful around the time I'm preparing to tackle the next item on my to-do list.
This past month and a half has been a welcome break to re-assess my habits and build better ones. I feel like I'm making a lot of positive changes -- perhaps not as quickly as I'd like, but when has that ever been the case. I really hope that I'm able to take these changes and adapt them to the new reality of a full-time job once that happens. I trust that I will be, even if that process might mean the discomfort of establishing boundaries about how I manage my time. Not just with other people, but also with myself.
I've identified the things that I want more of in my life -- reading, deep-thinking, creativity -- but I still need to work on removing the things that are getting in the way of that.
Anyway, it feels good to speak mindfully with folks all around the world and in different walks of life. We caught up with each other's latest exploits, opened up about fetishy stuff, that sort of thing. I was surprised to find my voice as the "character" Jakebe coming out fully-formed even after all this time. It's different from the way it was before, but it still feels right to me.
I'm not sure if I'll have time to continue down this track once I've found gainful employment, but we'll just have to see how that goes. I'm low-key keeping my fingers crossed that I can find a decently-paying position that will allow me to work from home, just because it's so much easier for me to maintain my work-life balance.
Returned to writing and Duolingo yesterday, which felt great! 700 words on the next episode of the Patreon serial and a solid 20-minute session of learning French. With Swiftie's Intergalactic, the voice is slowly clarifying over time -- I think, as I zero in on my own trepidations about indulging in my macro/micro kink, it's easier to translate that through the main character's perspective. I'm also getting more comfortable differentiating characters through dialogue or descriptive association, though I'm not sure I'm where I want to be there. But hey, that's what this deliberate practice is for!
It's beginning to feel like the story will be longer than anticipated, though I'm committed to making sure there's a new episode every week. I suppose that will teach me to give a firm episode count before I've actually written the dang thing. It's not the worst problem to have, but it is a reminder that your actual story often doesn't look exactly like the outline you've made for it. Honestly I'm fine with that; part of the joy in writing this way is the ability to discover my process as I go. But it does underscore the importance of being more aware of how I set expectations for a paying audience so folks know what to expect. From my experience, it's not that difficult to find a following as long as you're putting in consistent work, you know?
There were several times yesterday where I wrestled with doing the next best thing, and ultimately I lost more of those battles than I should have. I didn't go any preparation for the D&D game next Friday; though we didn't get to the end of what I had written last time, this is a good opportunity to get ahead of things a little and I really shouldn't waste it. Last session was an object lesson in how preparation actually makes the game MORE enjoyable and LESS stressful. The work I put into describing the areas and making the characters feel internally consistent paid dividends, and since the next session will heavily feature in-character discussion that decides how the PCs proceed I have an opportunity to work on my persuasion skills.
It's not hard work once I get started. The start is always the hardest part. I'm hoping that as I practice pushing past the discomfort of deliberate effort that gets easier -- or at least gives me the tools I need to do this more consistently. Right now, I really ought to work on being mindful around the time I'm preparing to tackle the next item on my to-do list.
This past month and a half has been a welcome break to re-assess my habits and build better ones. I feel like I'm making a lot of positive changes -- perhaps not as quickly as I'd like, but when has that ever been the case. I really hope that I'm able to take these changes and adapt them to the new reality of a full-time job once that happens. I trust that I will be, even if that process might mean the discomfort of establishing boundaries about how I manage my time. Not just with other people, but also with myself.
I've identified the things that I want more of in my life -- reading, deep-thinking, creativity -- but I still need to work on removing the things that are getting in the way of that.
