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Day 45: You Come And Go
Jun. 4th, 2023 10:28 amI ran my Unlicensed Adventurers game on Friday evening and even though it was mostly talking it felt like a big success. The crew -- a Leonin barbarian, a Wolven fighter, and two Ratfolk (a Rogue/Mage and Cleric) -- met the leader of the Thieves' Guild in the Babylon-5 like Dwarven mountain-city after one of them (the Ratfolk Rogue named Veris) politely declined an invitation to join them on neutral ground. It turned out to be a mostly-friendly chat, though the group still doesn't trust her. Which makes sense; she is the head of a group filled with thieves, assassins, spies and the like.
They also ran into the "anonymous" client for their last job, clearing a chimera who had been harassing the workers of a local mine. He's a Minotaur and fellow adherent of Irori (the God our Cleric is a servant of), but has a decidedly hyper-capitalist way of going about things. They gave him a lot more static as he explained himself, but they ended up trusting him more because he seemed earnest about his goals and methods. They've also made a friend in Rustle, the Kenku valet for the Minotaur businessman.
Socio-political conversations can be a tricky thing to pull off in my games. It can be hard for me to gauge how interested in various ideas people might be, and everyone likes a little bit of combat in their games. But this time I stuck to what I found interesting and built characters that felt real and grounded; it was fun thinking about how these big movers and shakers would express themselves through the choices they've made about their surroundings, the way the various sections of Unity reflect their cultural aesthetic, and how they view this fragile new future they're building. That may have been a mistake for me at the very beginning of the game. A lot of the authority figures in town came off as capricious or incompetent, often both. It doesn't inspire faith in the world you're building and makes the stakes you're heightening feel a little cheap. I only hope I can keep up the momentum for the next session in two weeks. More talking, but there will be signposts toward several combat options.
It's usually our tradition to buy dinner for the person who's running the game on Friday night, but recently I've been buying all the orders. Usually I don't mind; I want to eat out more often than R. does anyway. This week I tried to establish the boundary but R. wouldn't go for it. I was disappointed, but pivoted to eating a Hot Pocket and some tortilla chips for dinner easily enough. This was meant to be the "good thing that happened", but it still comes off a little disappointed, doesn't it?
For me it was holding that disappointment for a moment, not acting on it, and letting it go without being too attached to it. I think this was the first time that whole process was conscious for me, so it felt like a milestone in mindfulness. I've been pivoting a lot these days, but it feels good to notice when that practice has progressed along.
I played in another game yesterday, and for some reason my social batteries died in mid-session. I'm not sure what triggered that, but I just lost most interest in engaging with the other characters (and players) at some point. One of the players is a relatively new friend who has a tendency to dominate the table in various ways, so in the games we share it's become increasingly difficult to let smaller moments land. He has a different playstyle that in many ways we intersect with, but he's also...a lot. He drains my batteries more than I'd like to admit.
I couldn't wait to get out of there yesterday, and I feel a little bad about that. After everything that's happened with our friend group over the last couple weeks, I know it would be best to handle these issues sooner over later so they don't blow up. But I'm having trouble figuring out exactly what the problem is, and that means I can't be as careful as I'd like to be when confronting him about it. I think the best thing to do would be a gentle, small comment of correction the next time it happens, but honestly I just need to sit with the problem more to figure out how to express myself.
Overall, I'm still making progress in many areas and falling back in others. This feels like a potentially fruitful creative period for me. I'm more comfortable working with stories than I have been in years, and it's been a genuine pleasure thinking about them so much. I missed writing yesterday and I certainly had the opportunity to do it, but it's back on the stick today.
I've also been stretching myself socially in ways that feel pretty good. Opening up to friends, thinking deeply about the effect I have on the people around me, learning how to support others in ways they actually need and recognize instead of the default soothing behaviors I fall into. The more I work on the things I care about, the more confident I feel in the choices I make. It's a strange feeling to look in the mirror and feel good about who you are in the moment and what you're doing -- especially since I've been unemployed for over a month.
Still, there are a ways to go. Grooming has slacked off a little bit, and I'm in worse shape than I thought judging by how long my legs were sore after my run. It wouldn't hurt to put a little more effort into those areas.
They also ran into the "anonymous" client for their last job, clearing a chimera who had been harassing the workers of a local mine. He's a Minotaur and fellow adherent of Irori (the God our Cleric is a servant of), but has a decidedly hyper-capitalist way of going about things. They gave him a lot more static as he explained himself, but they ended up trusting him more because he seemed earnest about his goals and methods. They've also made a friend in Rustle, the Kenku valet for the Minotaur businessman.
Socio-political conversations can be a tricky thing to pull off in my games. It can be hard for me to gauge how interested in various ideas people might be, and everyone likes a little bit of combat in their games. But this time I stuck to what I found interesting and built characters that felt real and grounded; it was fun thinking about how these big movers and shakers would express themselves through the choices they've made about their surroundings, the way the various sections of Unity reflect their cultural aesthetic, and how they view this fragile new future they're building. That may have been a mistake for me at the very beginning of the game. A lot of the authority figures in town came off as capricious or incompetent, often both. It doesn't inspire faith in the world you're building and makes the stakes you're heightening feel a little cheap. I only hope I can keep up the momentum for the next session in two weeks. More talking, but there will be signposts toward several combat options.
It's usually our tradition to buy dinner for the person who's running the game on Friday night, but recently I've been buying all the orders. Usually I don't mind; I want to eat out more often than R. does anyway. This week I tried to establish the boundary but R. wouldn't go for it. I was disappointed, but pivoted to eating a Hot Pocket and some tortilla chips for dinner easily enough. This was meant to be the "good thing that happened", but it still comes off a little disappointed, doesn't it?
For me it was holding that disappointment for a moment, not acting on it, and letting it go without being too attached to it. I think this was the first time that whole process was conscious for me, so it felt like a milestone in mindfulness. I've been pivoting a lot these days, but it feels good to notice when that practice has progressed along.
I played in another game yesterday, and for some reason my social batteries died in mid-session. I'm not sure what triggered that, but I just lost most interest in engaging with the other characters (and players) at some point. One of the players is a relatively new friend who has a tendency to dominate the table in various ways, so in the games we share it's become increasingly difficult to let smaller moments land. He has a different playstyle that in many ways we intersect with, but he's also...a lot. He drains my batteries more than I'd like to admit.
I couldn't wait to get out of there yesterday, and I feel a little bad about that. After everything that's happened with our friend group over the last couple weeks, I know it would be best to handle these issues sooner over later so they don't blow up. But I'm having trouble figuring out exactly what the problem is, and that means I can't be as careful as I'd like to be when confronting him about it. I think the best thing to do would be a gentle, small comment of correction the next time it happens, but honestly I just need to sit with the problem more to figure out how to express myself.
Overall, I'm still making progress in many areas and falling back in others. This feels like a potentially fruitful creative period for me. I'm more comfortable working with stories than I have been in years, and it's been a genuine pleasure thinking about them so much. I missed writing yesterday and I certainly had the opportunity to do it, but it's back on the stick today.
I've also been stretching myself socially in ways that feel pretty good. Opening up to friends, thinking deeply about the effect I have on the people around me, learning how to support others in ways they actually need and recognize instead of the default soothing behaviors I fall into. The more I work on the things I care about, the more confident I feel in the choices I make. It's a strange feeling to look in the mirror and feel good about who you are in the moment and what you're doing -- especially since I've been unemployed for over a month.
Still, there are a ways to go. Grooming has slacked off a little bit, and I'm in worse shape than I thought judging by how long my legs were sore after my run. It wouldn't hurt to put a little more effort into those areas.
