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Day 43: I'm Still Here
Jun. 2nd, 2023 10:28 amYesterday I shaved my head using the new Bevel set for the second time. After hearing coworkers talk about their skin care routine, I thought it might be a good idea to adopt one of my own. I researched and discovered Bevel, a Black-owned company made for black skin. Perfect! I got their face wash, protective gel, exfoliating pads, and shaving kit. I've recently fallen off washing my face twice a day, but when I was doing it regularly there was a notable improvement.
The new razor is incredibly sharp though. It looks like I bladed all over my head for a bloody wrestling match or something. The pre-shave oil feels nice and helps the razor glide easily enough, and I love the shaving cream as well. The post-shave balm definitely helps soothe the irritation of those thousands of cuts, that's for sure. I have to give my head a little bit of time to heal before trying it again, though -- and this time I'll be way more careful. In the meantime, I'll be gentle washing my head/hair in the shower just so I don't reopen any of those old wounds.
Honestly, I appreciate the fact that the razor is of such high quality. It forces me to be mindful while shaving to preserve my tender head.
I also hit all six good habits! Meditated for 20 minutes, wrote 530 words for the Jackalope Serial Company serial, read two chapters of Swan Song, showered and shaved, practiced French with Duolingo, and ran one mile. The exercise was pretty tough; I couldn't run the entire mile, but I still managed a 12:17 pace. That's not bad for me -- the goal is to get down to a 12-minute mile eventually. My initial idea was to run 1 mile every day until I feel comfortable with it, but right now my legs are SO. SORE. It's clear I haven't run in a while, so I'm giving myself a day to rest before trying it tomorrow.
I've also applied to five more positions over the past two days. One already bounced a rejection for me; they're looking for someone a little closer to their offices in Colorado or North Carolina, which is fair. I should have taken more care to submit a cover letter for many of them, but I was a bit impatient to turn it in. I sincerely hope it doesn't hurt my chances of getting an interview. Most of the positions are for customer service with a couple of IT positions thrown in for good measure. Fingers crossed.
My diet wasn't as good as it could be yesterday, but it's a good thing to realize. I ended up with 2500 Calories or so, with the worst choice being a Burger King Whopper for lunch. I also didn't drink ANY water, which probably isn't helping my muscles with their recovery. Considering I've eaten worse quite frequently over the past month, it's no secret why I've been unable to lose weight.
I hadn't intended to smoke marijuana yesterday, but when the afternoon rolled around I just couldn't help myself. I'm not proud of that -- I'd like to make sure that smoking pot is a "sometimes" activity. Even though I had the MOST PRODUCTIVE DAY EVER yesterday, it's generally a good rule of thumb to refrain from pot on a "school night" with unless it's a social activity or special occasion. I *am* planning to smoke over the weekend, but I'd also like to get things handled before I do so.
Right now I'm focusing on being more deliberate with the changes I'm experiencing in my life. I didn't have control over being laid off, but I can control how I respond to this situation. I've had trouble with discipline and follow-through all my life, and I'm lucky enough to be in an environment where I can address it doing the things that matter to me. It's amazing that I can take a step back to be really deliberate about how I improve myself. In addition to being more focused on the skills I'd like to cultivate, I'm just paying more attention to myself and how I vibe with people.
I told R. yesterday that I've absorbed the lesson of making my body more inviting in order to be touched the way I'd like to be. He obviously approves. :) Touch is such a delicate area for me because it's rare that I've had someone touch me for my pleasure. Most of the time, my mom only touched me when I was being punished. Later, when I started to experiment sexually, touch = objectification. Like, someone only touches me sexually if they want something from me. It's no longer about me or their relationship with me, it's just about THEIR pleasure. I mean, I get that's not true in every case, but I never feel like people pay attention to that. In order to be more physical, I'll have to confront that.
The new razor is incredibly sharp though. It looks like I bladed all over my head for a bloody wrestling match or something. The pre-shave oil feels nice and helps the razor glide easily enough, and I love the shaving cream as well. The post-shave balm definitely helps soothe the irritation of those thousands of cuts, that's for sure. I have to give my head a little bit of time to heal before trying it again, though -- and this time I'll be way more careful. In the meantime, I'll be gentle washing my head/hair in the shower just so I don't reopen any of those old wounds.
Honestly, I appreciate the fact that the razor is of such high quality. It forces me to be mindful while shaving to preserve my tender head.
I also hit all six good habits! Meditated for 20 minutes, wrote 530 words for the Jackalope Serial Company serial, read two chapters of Swan Song, showered and shaved, practiced French with Duolingo, and ran one mile. The exercise was pretty tough; I couldn't run the entire mile, but I still managed a 12:17 pace. That's not bad for me -- the goal is to get down to a 12-minute mile eventually. My initial idea was to run 1 mile every day until I feel comfortable with it, but right now my legs are SO. SORE. It's clear I haven't run in a while, so I'm giving myself a day to rest before trying it tomorrow.
I've also applied to five more positions over the past two days. One already bounced a rejection for me; they're looking for someone a little closer to their offices in Colorado or North Carolina, which is fair. I should have taken more care to submit a cover letter for many of them, but I was a bit impatient to turn it in. I sincerely hope it doesn't hurt my chances of getting an interview. Most of the positions are for customer service with a couple of IT positions thrown in for good measure. Fingers crossed.
My diet wasn't as good as it could be yesterday, but it's a good thing to realize. I ended up with 2500 Calories or so, with the worst choice being a Burger King Whopper for lunch. I also didn't drink ANY water, which probably isn't helping my muscles with their recovery. Considering I've eaten worse quite frequently over the past month, it's no secret why I've been unable to lose weight.
I hadn't intended to smoke marijuana yesterday, but when the afternoon rolled around I just couldn't help myself. I'm not proud of that -- I'd like to make sure that smoking pot is a "sometimes" activity. Even though I had the MOST PRODUCTIVE DAY EVER yesterday, it's generally a good rule of thumb to refrain from pot on a "school night" with unless it's a social activity or special occasion. I *am* planning to smoke over the weekend, but I'd also like to get things handled before I do so.
Right now I'm focusing on being more deliberate with the changes I'm experiencing in my life. I didn't have control over being laid off, but I can control how I respond to this situation. I've had trouble with discipline and follow-through all my life, and I'm lucky enough to be in an environment where I can address it doing the things that matter to me. It's amazing that I can take a step back to be really deliberate about how I improve myself. In addition to being more focused on the skills I'd like to cultivate, I'm just paying more attention to myself and how I vibe with people.
I told R. yesterday that I've absorbed the lesson of making my body more inviting in order to be touched the way I'd like to be. He obviously approves. :) Touch is such a delicate area for me because it's rare that I've had someone touch me for my pleasure. Most of the time, my mom only touched me when I was being punished. Later, when I started to experiment sexually, touch = objectification. Like, someone only touches me sexually if they want something from me. It's no longer about me or their relationship with me, it's just about THEIR pleasure. I mean, I get that's not true in every case, but I never feel like people pay attention to that. In order to be more physical, I'll have to confront that.
