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The Doldrums
Jan. 3rd, 2020 09:02 am
Being sick is an exercise in patience. R is feeling the worst of it -- he's had a low fever and all kinds of shivers all day yesterday, though I think he might be feeling a little better today. I don't have it quite as bad, but enough that I feel generally crappy and a little short-tempered. Since neither of us feel up for much of anything, we're being miserable in close proximity of each other and that's never easy.
The worst part, to me, is the timing of it. The new year is the bang of the gun and you really want to sprint off your mark and into your resolutions like crazy. I spent much of the 1st in a stupor, though, and didn't get a whole lot done yesterday before throwing in the towel. I've got a few things I'd really like to do today, but I'll do my best to front-load it if possible. The most important stuff gets done first, so I feel a bit less guilty when I inevitably run out of steam.
Tonight we're planning to play in A's Pathfinder game -- which will be my first RPG of the new year! Hooray!! Things have certainly gotten crazy in that game, and I'm not sure the group is really in a tenable situation. We're in the crosshairs of the monarchy now, and we've basically fought our way out of a trap laid for us. That meant killing/injuring a LOT of crownsguard. I honestly have no idea what we should do next, but I'm really intrigued to see what A has in store for us. He's becoming more confident as a DM, and to be honest we're not an easy group to run for. There are different personalities, different play styles, different levels of experience. He's managed them reasonably well though, and I think he's gaining momentum off of his successes.
Last night there was a drone strike on an Iranian official ordered by 45 without much apparent feedback from any of his advisors. From what we know, those close to him were caught off-guard and there's a lot of scrambling now to justify his actions. Most of us are freaking out about it, but we're still not sure what to freak out about. I had to sit with my feelings yesterday evening, torn between scrolling through the endless feed of horror and looking away towards some distraction. Being sick is not the best time to absorb world-shaking events like that.
I don't want to lie. My immediate thought was fear of how this escalates into WW3. Iran has to retaliate, and it's quite likely this might mean the start of an actual war. Whose side will Russia and China take? How much will this destabilize the region? What kind of recruitment gift was this for anti-American terrorists and other hardliners? Anything involving that region is delicate work, and we simply don't have the people in place to carry out that work. It feels like we, as a country, are almost trying to bring about our downfall.
But then people started talking about the toll that Iranians and people in the Middle East would bear, and I felt ashamed. It's absolutely true that the worst effects will be felt in those countries, and so many more innocent people will die there. It's horrible to think that so many of us are worried about potentially being drafted, or dealing with the effects of being nuked, when what's even more likely to happen is that Iranians and their neighbors will be forced to deal with economic and social uncertainty, the destruction of their homes and livelihoods, actual fighting, abuses of power, the death or injury of their loved ones. It's so much closer over there, so much more real. I don't want to discount my own feelings, of course. But there needs to be a sense of perspective. Right Action demands this.
To be honest I have no idea what to do about this, if there's anything to do. Besides speaking up against the action or the drumbeat to war, it's hard to tell what's merely performative vs. what's actually helpful. Right Intention is important here, too. Am I only taking action in an attempt to relieve the tension I feel about this situation? Or out of a sense of duty as a concerned world citizen? It's most important, in this situation, to help the people who are most in need of it. Right now I'm just not sure who that is.
I mean, there are Australians being forced out of their homes now because of massive wildfires. There are still broken families at the border with no legal recourse to make themselves whole again. There are the homeless and starving all around us. There is no end of suffering. It's overwhelming to think about how much of it there is, the endless ways we visit terrible things upon one another. But then I'm reminded of the advice I got from a monk at Shasta Abbey last year: you can't give in to that sense of overwhelming despair. If you don't know what to do, just do something to help.
I suppose that's one of my big themes for this year: Just do the next right thing. I stole it from Frozen 2, which kind of sucks but hey -- if it's an actual good mantra, those can come from anywhere. I think I have to sit and think about what the next right thing is, I suppose. That's why it's good to be still, to listen to what your heart tells you.
The worst part, to me, is the timing of it. The new year is the bang of the gun and you really want to sprint off your mark and into your resolutions like crazy. I spent much of the 1st in a stupor, though, and didn't get a whole lot done yesterday before throwing in the towel. I've got a few things I'd really like to do today, but I'll do my best to front-load it if possible. The most important stuff gets done first, so I feel a bit less guilty when I inevitably run out of steam.
Tonight we're planning to play in A's Pathfinder game -- which will be my first RPG of the new year! Hooray!! Things have certainly gotten crazy in that game, and I'm not sure the group is really in a tenable situation. We're in the crosshairs of the monarchy now, and we've basically fought our way out of a trap laid for us. That meant killing/injuring a LOT of crownsguard. I honestly have no idea what we should do next, but I'm really intrigued to see what A has in store for us. He's becoming more confident as a DM, and to be honest we're not an easy group to run for. There are different personalities, different play styles, different levels of experience. He's managed them reasonably well though, and I think he's gaining momentum off of his successes.
Last night there was a drone strike on an Iranian official ordered by 45 without much apparent feedback from any of his advisors. From what we know, those close to him were caught off-guard and there's a lot of scrambling now to justify his actions. Most of us are freaking out about it, but we're still not sure what to freak out about. I had to sit with my feelings yesterday evening, torn between scrolling through the endless feed of horror and looking away towards some distraction. Being sick is not the best time to absorb world-shaking events like that.
I don't want to lie. My immediate thought was fear of how this escalates into WW3. Iran has to retaliate, and it's quite likely this might mean the start of an actual war. Whose side will Russia and China take? How much will this destabilize the region? What kind of recruitment gift was this for anti-American terrorists and other hardliners? Anything involving that region is delicate work, and we simply don't have the people in place to carry out that work. It feels like we, as a country, are almost trying to bring about our downfall.
But then people started talking about the toll that Iranians and people in the Middle East would bear, and I felt ashamed. It's absolutely true that the worst effects will be felt in those countries, and so many more innocent people will die there. It's horrible to think that so many of us are worried about potentially being drafted, or dealing with the effects of being nuked, when what's even more likely to happen is that Iranians and their neighbors will be forced to deal with economic and social uncertainty, the destruction of their homes and livelihoods, actual fighting, abuses of power, the death or injury of their loved ones. It's so much closer over there, so much more real. I don't want to discount my own feelings, of course. But there needs to be a sense of perspective. Right Action demands this.
To be honest I have no idea what to do about this, if there's anything to do. Besides speaking up against the action or the drumbeat to war, it's hard to tell what's merely performative vs. what's actually helpful. Right Intention is important here, too. Am I only taking action in an attempt to relieve the tension I feel about this situation? Or out of a sense of duty as a concerned world citizen? It's most important, in this situation, to help the people who are most in need of it. Right now I'm just not sure who that is.
I mean, there are Australians being forced out of their homes now because of massive wildfires. There are still broken families at the border with no legal recourse to make themselves whole again. There are the homeless and starving all around us. There is no end of suffering. It's overwhelming to think about how much of it there is, the endless ways we visit terrible things upon one another. But then I'm reminded of the advice I got from a monk at Shasta Abbey last year: you can't give in to that sense of overwhelming despair. If you don't know what to do, just do something to help.
I suppose that's one of my big themes for this year: Just do the next right thing. I stole it from Frozen 2, which kind of sucks but hey -- if it's an actual good mantra, those can come from anywhere. I think I have to sit and think about what the next right thing is, I suppose. That's why it's good to be still, to listen to what your heart tells you.
