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Don't Write Me Off
Jan. 21st, 2003 07:45 am
Hey there, all...
Our company from OK finally went home last night; it was a lot of fun having them around, and I hope they come back soon. Thanks a lot, Flying Fox!
Now, I get to focus on my 'ordinary' existence a bit more. There are a lot of changes that need to be made right now, but I just don't have the energy these days to stick with them. I know that the same old cycles that I get stuck in (working, MUCKing, sleeping, working, MUCKing, sleeping) are counter-productive, *especially* since coming on-line has brought me a lot more stress than happiness here in recent weeks. There's nothing to gain from doing it, but I *am* doing it just from the force of sheer habit. So, I get frustrated with myself that I'm not strong enough to actually break a cycle I *know* is unhealthy.
This is addiction, folks. I know how a smoker feels.
There have been bright spots of being on-line. There's been a lady who I haven't had previous contact with suddenly profess an attraction to me, and real or no it's been a lot of fun. :) With the rest, it's just been...eh. I feel harried and pulled apart, and that no one but a few people really give a shit. SOmetimes I just feel like I've lost completely the ability to bond with people.
Friends have been coming to me with problems lately, and it's been really hard to be sympathetic. I hate coming off as a cold person, but I don't know...I just don't want to deal with people much, but I keep doing it because it's habit. And that's stupid.
Anywho, I think a break is in order. I can't quit cold turkey, but I can be on a lot less, so, that's the plan.
Things to do today:
1. Finish removing religion duplicates.
2. "Boomer Express"!
3. Calm yourself.
4. Use the urge.
5. Simplify.
Our company from OK finally went home last night; it was a lot of fun having them around, and I hope they come back soon. Thanks a lot, Flying Fox!
Now, I get to focus on my 'ordinary' existence a bit more. There are a lot of changes that need to be made right now, but I just don't have the energy these days to stick with them. I know that the same old cycles that I get stuck in (working, MUCKing, sleeping, working, MUCKing, sleeping) are counter-productive, *especially* since coming on-line has brought me a lot more stress than happiness here in recent weeks. There's nothing to gain from doing it, but I *am* doing it just from the force of sheer habit. So, I get frustrated with myself that I'm not strong enough to actually break a cycle I *know* is unhealthy.
This is addiction, folks. I know how a smoker feels.
There have been bright spots of being on-line. There's been a lady who I haven't had previous contact with suddenly profess an attraction to me, and real or no it's been a lot of fun. :) With the rest, it's just been...eh. I feel harried and pulled apart, and that no one but a few people really give a shit. SOmetimes I just feel like I've lost completely the ability to bond with people.
Friends have been coming to me with problems lately, and it's been really hard to be sympathetic. I hate coming off as a cold person, but I don't know...I just don't want to deal with people much, but I keep doing it because it's habit. And that's stupid.
Anywho, I think a break is in order. I can't quit cold turkey, but I can be on a lot less, so, that's the plan.
Things to do today:
1. Finish removing religion duplicates.
2. "Boomer Express"!
3. Calm yourself.
4. Use the urge.
5. Simplify.
