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Stick A Fork In Time
Dec. 31st, 2002 06:48 am
Hey there, all...
So this is it, we're sitting on the last day of 2002. Another year-end perspective perhaps?
Nah, I don't think I'll go nuts with it, like I could. <:) Suffice it to say, that I'm very proud of what I've accomplished this year. Not as much as I could have (November was like a nuclear-proportion failure), but still, I've come such a long way this year. I even daresay it was the most productive year ever. Personally, I've really felt like I've come into my own. I'm a lot more comfortable with myself, I know who I am, I know what I want, and even though there are quite a few reactions I have to things that I haven't truly untangled yet, for the most part I'm very relaxed inside of my own skin. I know myself, and that's a lot more than I can say than when the year started. Along the way, a lot of relationships I consider very important changed, some for the good, but mostly for the bad it seemed. I mishandled quite a few interpersonal relationships, but a lot just kind of...changed on their own. I still haven't figured out how to be accessible enough to make friends easily, and I suppose I could work on the art of compromise a little bit. Still, that's one thing I think I worry way too much about; the secrets of making friends, the desire to be viewed as good and right by other people. I know why I don't work with people in general, but there's still the desire in me to reach out and compromise, make changes to myself for this one or that one, just to be accepted by someone. If I spent as much time writing as I do worrying about friendships, I'd have cranked out a few novels by now. :P So, that's New Year's Resolution #1: Focus more on my art. There are so many stories that I want to tell, and all I have to do is figure out how to tell them. I'm should be a bit more comfortable in solitude now, and I *need* to focus. Everything is just waiting for me to pick it up. New Year's Resolution #2: I will clean more. Dishes, bathroom, whatever. I should devote a small portion of my day every day to making some place look better than when I found it. New Year's Resolution #3: Be more benevolent. This year has taught me an important lesson. Improper honesty is just as damaging as supporting someone else's falsehood, and a lot of people recoil, not from an honest opinion, but from the time and way it is told. There are lots of times where someone's feelings are more important than inflicting your brand of truth on them. New Year's Resolution #4: Spend less time on-line. This has been one of the biggest sinks of my time this year, and while there are a few people who generally make it worth it, for the most part, there are way better things I could be doing with my time. Writing, for instance. I like everyone around here, but I just have to do this if I'm going to get any good at what I want to get good at. New Year's Resolution #5: Be happy. I've come a *very* long way this year with the idea of being happy. There's a small thrill in being this content; I'm much closer to bubbling up into open joy at any moment. I want to see how far I can go with that. These are all resolutions that I think I can actually keep. I really don't like the idea of making these grandiose, sweeping promises that I break in a few days; it'll take work to achieve them all, but I can do it. With everything going on worldwide, I have no idea what's going to happen. North Korea is opening the year by becoming more isolationist and nuclear-minded, America is opening the year with horrid foreign policy that just escalates the tensions in Iraq and southeast Asia while completely ignoring the problems of rising violence in Israel and the crumbling job market right here at home, and things look like they're going to get worse before they get any better. We're reaching a crux in our development where a lot of important decisions are going to need to be made in the next few years, and I don't think we have the right fellow in office to make those decisions. I'm honestly quite scared to see what comes of all this. In the end, all I can really do is make sure that *my* world is the best I can make it. That means making sure all the negativity I receive stops at me, and I do as much good as I can. Note: This does *not* mean being a doormat. :) Happy New Year, everyone.
So this is it, we're sitting on the last day of 2002. Another year-end perspective perhaps?
Nah, I don't think I'll go nuts with it, like I could. <:) Suffice it to say, that I'm very proud of what I've accomplished this year. Not as much as I could have (November was like a nuclear-proportion failure), but still, I've come such a long way this year. I even daresay it was the most productive year ever. Personally, I've really felt like I've come into my own. I'm a lot more comfortable with myself, I know who I am, I know what I want, and even though there are quite a few reactions I have to things that I haven't truly untangled yet, for the most part I'm very relaxed inside of my own skin. I know myself, and that's a lot more than I can say than when the year started. Along the way, a lot of relationships I consider very important changed, some for the good, but mostly for the bad it seemed. I mishandled quite a few interpersonal relationships, but a lot just kind of...changed on their own. I still haven't figured out how to be accessible enough to make friends easily, and I suppose I could work on the art of compromise a little bit. Still, that's one thing I think I worry way too much about; the secrets of making friends, the desire to be viewed as good and right by other people. I know why I don't work with people in general, but there's still the desire in me to reach out and compromise, make changes to myself for this one or that one, just to be accepted by someone. If I spent as much time writing as I do worrying about friendships, I'd have cranked out a few novels by now. :P So, that's New Year's Resolution #1: Focus more on my art. There are so many stories that I want to tell, and all I have to do is figure out how to tell them. I'm should be a bit more comfortable in solitude now, and I *need* to focus. Everything is just waiting for me to pick it up. New Year's Resolution #2: I will clean more. Dishes, bathroom, whatever. I should devote a small portion of my day every day to making some place look better than when I found it. New Year's Resolution #3: Be more benevolent. This year has taught me an important lesson. Improper honesty is just as damaging as supporting someone else's falsehood, and a lot of people recoil, not from an honest opinion, but from the time and way it is told. There are lots of times where someone's feelings are more important than inflicting your brand of truth on them. New Year's Resolution #4: Spend less time on-line. This has been one of the biggest sinks of my time this year, and while there are a few people who generally make it worth it, for the most part, there are way better things I could be doing with my time. Writing, for instance. I like everyone around here, but I just have to do this if I'm going to get any good at what I want to get good at. New Year's Resolution #5: Be happy. I've come a *very* long way this year with the idea of being happy. There's a small thrill in being this content; I'm much closer to bubbling up into open joy at any moment. I want to see how far I can go with that. These are all resolutions that I think I can actually keep. I really don't like the idea of making these grandiose, sweeping promises that I break in a few days; it'll take work to achieve them all, but I can do it. With everything going on worldwide, I have no idea what's going to happen. North Korea is opening the year by becoming more isolationist and nuclear-minded, America is opening the year with horrid foreign policy that just escalates the tensions in Iraq and southeast Asia while completely ignoring the problems of rising violence in Israel and the crumbling job market right here at home, and things look like they're going to get worse before they get any better. We're reaching a crux in our development where a lot of important decisions are going to need to be made in the next few years, and I don't think we have the right fellow in office to make those decisions. I'm honestly quite scared to see what comes of all this. In the end, all I can really do is make sure that *my* world is the best I can make it. That means making sure all the negativity I receive stops at me, and I do as much good as I can. Note: This does *not* mean being a doormat. :) Happy New Year, everyone.
