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Thanksgiving Day: A Tragedy
Nov. 22nd, 2001 07:33 pm
Hey there, all...
Well, first the non-shocking news. I'm depressed. Surprise! I've been telling people about the recent break-up so the rumors that are spread aren't too outrageous and all. Of course, everyone wants to know what happened...which is a fair response, because I would be asking the same kind of questions if the situations were reversed. It's just really hard to give an answer sometimes without getting down on myself.
"I'm a stupid annoying slob and he doesn't want to be attached to someone like that." You know, stuff like that. I know it's not true for the most part, but it's difficult not to feel like a failure. Just one of those days.
Now, for the (maybe) shocking news. I broke Ramadan today. I had Thanksgiving dinner with the friends after we went to see "Harry Potter" (which is a really good movie, by the way). It was really good, and it helped my mood a bit. Arlekin (the one who got me into this mess in the first place) justified it wonderfully. So, while if I were Muslim I'd probably be forced to cut out my tongue (or at least get a nasty talking-to), let me attempt to appease my conscience.
You have to ask the question, "What do I hope to get out of this thing? Ramadan, that is." My personal answer is "Answers about the way I work, to see if I should change a habit I discover I don't like." Everyone's answer is going to be different to some degree, but really, I guess, they're all the same: to better self.
Now, bettering yourself through self-discipline is a very good thing, but in this instance (Thanksgiving), refusing to eat while others are feasting implies a lack of...connection, which is antithetical to what this day is supposed to be about. Now, if you happen to have a family that will wait until sundown out of respect for your wishes, great. :) Unfortunately, it just wasn't in the cards for me, I suppose. So I feasted. And now I'm fasting again. It's times like these I'm really grateful to have friends, and I want to connect with them instead of alienating them.
Today, I'm thankful for all the strides I've made in the past few years. I'm getting a short story published with more on the way, I'm finally pursuing my dream of becoming a full-time writer, I'm a lot better at being honest with myself and others (even though I do have the tendency still to talk myself in circles because of it), and I've realized some of my potential to become a better person through all the relationships I've held along the way. Despite everything going on these days, life isn't so bad. And as much as I bitch about things, I'm actually content, which I never thought I would be even two years ago. Life is good. :)
I'm debating whether or not I should go to work today. I do need the hours, and it shouldn't be *that* big of a deal (in fact, it's probably going to be rather dead today), so it's like free money just for 'watching' the store while I read or write or whatever. So, nothing missed, really. :)
That's all for now, I suppose. Sorry, Dusty, for being unfaithful. I promise I'll make it up to you somehow. :)
-David
Well, first the non-shocking news. I'm depressed. Surprise! I've been telling people about the recent break-up so the rumors that are spread aren't too outrageous and all. Of course, everyone wants to know what happened...which is a fair response, because I would be asking the same kind of questions if the situations were reversed. It's just really hard to give an answer sometimes without getting down on myself.
"I'm a stupid annoying slob and he doesn't want to be attached to someone like that." You know, stuff like that. I know it's not true for the most part, but it's difficult not to feel like a failure. Just one of those days.
Now, for the (maybe) shocking news. I broke Ramadan today. I had Thanksgiving dinner with the friends after we went to see "Harry Potter" (which is a really good movie, by the way). It was really good, and it helped my mood a bit. Arlekin (the one who got me into this mess in the first place) justified it wonderfully. So, while if I were Muslim I'd probably be forced to cut out my tongue (or at least get a nasty talking-to), let me attempt to appease my conscience.
You have to ask the question, "What do I hope to get out of this thing? Ramadan, that is." My personal answer is "Answers about the way I work, to see if I should change a habit I discover I don't like." Everyone's answer is going to be different to some degree, but really, I guess, they're all the same: to better self.
Now, bettering yourself through self-discipline is a very good thing, but in this instance (Thanksgiving), refusing to eat while others are feasting implies a lack of...connection, which is antithetical to what this day is supposed to be about. Now, if you happen to have a family that will wait until sundown out of respect for your wishes, great. :) Unfortunately, it just wasn't in the cards for me, I suppose. So I feasted. And now I'm fasting again. It's times like these I'm really grateful to have friends, and I want to connect with them instead of alienating them.
Today, I'm thankful for all the strides I've made in the past few years. I'm getting a short story published with more on the way, I'm finally pursuing my dream of becoming a full-time writer, I'm a lot better at being honest with myself and others (even though I do have the tendency still to talk myself in circles because of it), and I've realized some of my potential to become a better person through all the relationships I've held along the way. Despite everything going on these days, life isn't so bad. And as much as I bitch about things, I'm actually content, which I never thought I would be even two years ago. Life is good. :)
I'm debating whether or not I should go to work today. I do need the hours, and it shouldn't be *that* big of a deal (in fact, it's probably going to be rather dead today), so it's like free money just for 'watching' the store while I read or write or whatever. So, nothing missed, really. :)
That's all for now, I suppose. Sorry, Dusty, for being unfaithful. I promise I'll make it up to you somehow. :)
-David
