I'm In Love (Accidentally)
Jul. 30th, 2004 10:53 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jakebe
Yeah, I'm obsessing. Fuck off.
For a little bit now I've been having this urge to flip off and be contrary -- to just up and go and do things that I wouldn't ever do. Casual anonymous sex with someone from Ron's, say -- even if they kicked me out right after without a ride home because their boyfriend was coming home in 10 minutes. Or just climbing the shelves of the Bookshop and giving one, great tug to watch them fall like dominoes on the unsuspecting heads of colleagues and coworkers. Or to post incessantly in this journal about every little thing that pops up. It's been a while since I've experienced anything horrible. I think the last thing that really made me flip my shit was losing someone I thought of as friend several months ago. I still feel justified in the parting of the ways, so it just goes to show that while every...risk or bump might not have desired effects, it's not always a mistake.
I think I've become too attached to what's safe. Work, eating out, home, computer, writing are the five things that make up my life. I think I may have squeezes enough Zen out of these things, what else is there?
My wanderlust has been building steadily for the past three years; once I got the taste for travel in college I never really lost it. I haven't been well and truly broke in a while...I've never been forced to buy white bread for under a dollar. I don't think of myself as rich by any stretch, especially knowing a few of the people I do, but I don't think I've really felt involuntary hunger since I left home.
I haven't been dizzy in forever. I haven't been winded. I haven't felt my leg muscles burn. I haven't been lost and scared. What would it be like to just not come home one night? What would it be like to wander? WHat does it mean that I'm sitting here and thinking this?
August will be the first time in four or five years where I've experienced anything really new. I can't wait. I just need to hold on until then.
For a little bit now I've been having this urge to flip off and be contrary -- to just up and go and do things that I wouldn't ever do. Casual anonymous sex with someone from Ron's, say -- even if they kicked me out right after without a ride home because their boyfriend was coming home in 10 minutes. Or just climbing the shelves of the Bookshop and giving one, great tug to watch them fall like dominoes on the unsuspecting heads of colleagues and coworkers. Or to post incessantly in this journal about every little thing that pops up. It's been a while since I've experienced anything horrible. I think the last thing that really made me flip my shit was losing someone I thought of as friend several months ago. I still feel justified in the parting of the ways, so it just goes to show that while every...risk or bump might not have desired effects, it's not always a mistake.
I think I've become too attached to what's safe. Work, eating out, home, computer, writing are the five things that make up my life. I think I may have squeezes enough Zen out of these things, what else is there?
My wanderlust has been building steadily for the past three years; once I got the taste for travel in college I never really lost it. I haven't been well and truly broke in a while...I've never been forced to buy white bread for under a dollar. I don't think of myself as rich by any stretch, especially knowing a few of the people I do, but I don't think I've really felt involuntary hunger since I left home.
I haven't been dizzy in forever. I haven't been winded. I haven't felt my leg muscles burn. I haven't been lost and scared. What would it be like to just not come home one night? What would it be like to wander? WHat does it mean that I'm sitting here and thinking this?
August will be the first time in four or five years where I've experienced anything really new. I can't wait. I just need to hold on until then.
