Mourning Train
Jan. 12th, 2004 01:00 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jakebe
I'm sitting here at 1 in the morning, knowing that I have to wake up far too soon, typing at my computer in a funk. I know I'm not doing anything productive, and that my reasons for staying up this late are silly and futile, but for some reason I keep awake, my depression growing, my mind touching on any option to make the situation better but never picking one.
Why on Earth do I do this to myself?
Meanwhile, a friend upstairs ignores one of her favorite movies to watch another friend make crepes. She's fallen for him hard, because she can't fall for anyone any other way, but he's committed to someone else and won't budge in that respect. The situation is fixed, but she can't help but think about what might happen if it were changed. She isolates herself, tortures herself to hope for what can't be changed.
These kind of stories go on and on, for me, and my friends, and complete strangers. The clinging I have to the idea of companionship in a very specific form is repeated and multiplied everywhere. People all over the world suffer in this exact same way, even though many of us know exactly what we need to do to stop it.
Why do we do this to ourselves? I should go to bed.
Why on Earth do I do this to myself?
Meanwhile, a friend upstairs ignores one of her favorite movies to watch another friend make crepes. She's fallen for him hard, because she can't fall for anyone any other way, but he's committed to someone else and won't budge in that respect. The situation is fixed, but she can't help but think about what might happen if it were changed. She isolates herself, tortures herself to hope for what can't be changed.
These kind of stories go on and on, for me, and my friends, and complete strangers. The clinging I have to the idea of companionship in a very specific form is repeated and multiplied everywhere. People all over the world suffer in this exact same way, even though many of us know exactly what we need to do to stop it.
Why do we do this to ourselves? I should go to bed.
