Apprehended
Aug. 13th, 2003 07:11 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jakebe
Hey there, all...
Been feeling kind of oogly recently, from socially uncomfortable situations going on. Worse yet, I can't really talk about them to anyone without stepping on toes or pissing someone off or sounding like an asshole, so I have to just sit here and squirm. It's times like these where I feel my general seperation from most communities the most. I feel it's for the best, but that doesn't mean I can't be lonely. :P
I've been reading Steppenwolf and it's really hard to not apply Haller's issues with my own, but then again I'm finding the same problem with most Hesse novels. ;) Harry takes himself and his situations far too seriously, and I think it's because he gives his ideals and the ideals of others far too *much* respect. Every situation he's in, every sort of problem is turned over and over, accumulating more weight as it goes, until he really just...can't take the pressure on his shoulders. And lo, I have the same damned problem.
I'm *still* going to write that essay about people who allude far too much to classic literature, though. :)
One of the things that isn't helping is that one of my closest friends is having a very hard time of things right now. This has very far reaching consequences, and if they turn out the way it's looking like, he'll be pretty severely handicapped (not physically) for a while. This, combined with a lot of other issues, has made him a really...angry and frustrated person. And rightfully so. He's been getting into the Tao, and these are the exact times the Tao comes in *most* handy. When you're too busy being freaked out by a bad situation, it's really hard to see possible solutions...but it's not the most sympathetic thing in the world to say, "Well, none of the Tao has really stuck with you. You should try and be a bit calmer, and you really have to let go of this anger you've got." Even though, well, that's precisely what needs to happen. It seems I've lost all sense of diplomacy somewhere. :) I can't console him, and I'm pretty much the only one around here that really cares to, and that really sucks. I wish I could do something, but...what?
It's very easy to become bitter or snippish in the face of apathy. It's just one of those things I can't stand very well. I've come across an awful lot of it over the past little bit, too. Some of it's been in response to *my* apathy, I suppose, since I've been mostly in retreat from most brands of social contact for a while. As much as I'd like to be, and as much as it seems I have a knack for it sometimes, I really don't think I have the mindset to be a social creature.
Speaking of which, I'm way behind on e-mails, and the 2 Sense forum, and Mustsy, and writing in general. I'm really sorry, folks who have been waiting for an answer for like, weeks (![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lynxspirit immediately comes to mind). I'm not used to this getting e-mail thing, I really need to be better with correspondence. <:)
Work has been fairly OK. I re-organized Cookbooks finally, and I'm pretty proud of the work. :) There are a few things I need to be better at, like general upkeep, fronting and the like. We get the weirdest runs on sections sometimes, like one day someone will come in and buy 20 Catholic books, and three days later we'll be totally stripped of say, Psychic books. Hopefully the cookbooks will sell a little faster now that the section just looks better.
I haven't been in the best mood, and I think this whole reclusive thing just might stick. I wish I knew how to relate to people, and keep old friends and make new ones. It's too much like a puzzle for me, it's too...effort-driven. I suspect, in grand cosmic joke fashion, that the trick is not to worry about it so much, but I've been a maladjusted, friendless person for so long it's nearly impossible to just go back and rewire all that. The mindset has gotten to be too fundamental.
I don't appreciate my friends enough. <:) Thank you all for being here and helping me through the really rough spots and just trying to help and understand. I wish I could be a better investment of your time.
Been feeling kind of oogly recently, from socially uncomfortable situations going on. Worse yet, I can't really talk about them to anyone without stepping on toes or pissing someone off or sounding like an asshole, so I have to just sit here and squirm. It's times like these where I feel my general seperation from most communities the most. I feel it's for the best, but that doesn't mean I can't be lonely. :P
I've been reading Steppenwolf and it's really hard to not apply Haller's issues with my own, but then again I'm finding the same problem with most Hesse novels. ;) Harry takes himself and his situations far too seriously, and I think it's because he gives his ideals and the ideals of others far too *much* respect. Every situation he's in, every sort of problem is turned over and over, accumulating more weight as it goes, until he really just...can't take the pressure on his shoulders. And lo, I have the same damned problem.
I'm *still* going to write that essay about people who allude far too much to classic literature, though. :)
One of the things that isn't helping is that one of my closest friends is having a very hard time of things right now. This has very far reaching consequences, and if they turn out the way it's looking like, he'll be pretty severely handicapped (not physically) for a while. This, combined with a lot of other issues, has made him a really...angry and frustrated person. And rightfully so. He's been getting into the Tao, and these are the exact times the Tao comes in *most* handy. When you're too busy being freaked out by a bad situation, it's really hard to see possible solutions...but it's not the most sympathetic thing in the world to say, "Well, none of the Tao has really stuck with you. You should try and be a bit calmer, and you really have to let go of this anger you've got." Even though, well, that's precisely what needs to happen. It seems I've lost all sense of diplomacy somewhere. :) I can't console him, and I'm pretty much the only one around here that really cares to, and that really sucks. I wish I could do something, but...what?
It's very easy to become bitter or snippish in the face of apathy. It's just one of those things I can't stand very well. I've come across an awful lot of it over the past little bit, too. Some of it's been in response to *my* apathy, I suppose, since I've been mostly in retreat from most brands of social contact for a while. As much as I'd like to be, and as much as it seems I have a knack for it sometimes, I really don't think I have the mindset to be a social creature.
Speaking of which, I'm way behind on e-mails, and the 2 Sense forum, and Mustsy, and writing in general. I'm really sorry, folks who have been waiting for an answer for like, weeks (
lynxspirit immediately comes to mind). I'm not used to this getting e-mail thing, I really need to be better with correspondence. <:)
Work has been fairly OK. I re-organized Cookbooks finally, and I'm pretty proud of the work. :) There are a few things I need to be better at, like general upkeep, fronting and the like. We get the weirdest runs on sections sometimes, like one day someone will come in and buy 20 Catholic books, and three days later we'll be totally stripped of say, Psychic books. Hopefully the cookbooks will sell a little faster now that the section just looks better.
I haven't been in the best mood, and I think this whole reclusive thing just might stick. I wish I knew how to relate to people, and keep old friends and make new ones. It's too much like a puzzle for me, it's too...effort-driven. I suspect, in grand cosmic joke fashion, that the trick is not to worry about it so much, but I've been a maladjusted, friendless person for so long it's nearly impossible to just go back and rewire all that. The mindset has gotten to be too fundamental.
I don't appreciate my friends enough. <:) Thank you all for being here and helping me through the really rough spots and just trying to help and understand. I wish I could be a better investment of your time.
