Basic Koan
Apr. 12th, 2003 08:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jakebe
Hey there, all...
So, I've been wrapped up in this question for the past week and a half, and the more I think about it, the more...puzzling it seems to be.
Who am I? I mean, who am I, really? Not "Who do I think I am?" or "What do I think I am?" or "How am I viewed by other people?", but "Who am I?"
Every time I take a look at myself I see problems, or issues, or things I would like to change. I see things that I don't like about myself, things that would be a problem for other people. I see reasons people don't talk to me. I see, "I'm too quiet." "I'm too lazy." "I'm uninteresting." I look back over old journal entries and I see one constant stream of self-criticism, of judgement. I have this image of who I want to be, and all I can see is how short I fall of the mark.
Well, what's *wrong* with me? Yeah, I'm not who I'd like to be, but who I am isn't so bad either. At the same time, I'm nothing really special, but I'm not this jumble of horrible faults and flaws that's waiting to be untangled. I mean...I am, but that's not all.
So blah. I yam who I yam.
So, I've been wrapped up in this question for the past week and a half, and the more I think about it, the more...puzzling it seems to be.
Who am I? I mean, who am I, really? Not "Who do I think I am?" or "What do I think I am?" or "How am I viewed by other people?", but "Who am I?"
Every time I take a look at myself I see problems, or issues, or things I would like to change. I see things that I don't like about myself, things that would be a problem for other people. I see reasons people don't talk to me. I see, "I'm too quiet." "I'm too lazy." "I'm uninteresting." I look back over old journal entries and I see one constant stream of self-criticism, of judgement. I have this image of who I want to be, and all I can see is how short I fall of the mark.
Well, what's *wrong* with me? Yeah, I'm not who I'd like to be, but who I am isn't so bad either. At the same time, I'm nothing really special, but I'm not this jumble of horrible faults and flaws that's waiting to be untangled. I mean...I am, but that's not all.
So blah. I yam who I yam.
