Save Your Tears For Another Day
Sep. 27th, 2023 09:00 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jakebeToday is our fifteenth anniversary. I honestly never believed I would be a happily-married man in life, but here we are. And I have R. to thank for that.
I was in Arkansas when we first met on Tapestries. He was a giant beefy skunk and I was a little tiger-striped rabbit. The first thing that caught my eye (besides his frankly super-hot description) was the button that said "Size is no guarantee of quality." It was so interesting to me that someone would put that much work into a description that emphasized size and then wear a button calling all of that into question. It was intriguingly contradictory, a bit prickly, and said that he brought something more to the table than being hot.
So we talked and bonded over poetry. I told him I wrote some, sent it to him, and he gave me a bluntly honest critique. It stung a little, but it was honestly fair. This was someone who knew what he was about, took writing seriously, took MY writing seriously. I was smitten from that point on.
But I was also fairly oblivious to being flirted with and even though we spent a LOT of time together after that it took him just telling me he wanted to date me to get he was interested in that way. He spent so much time wooing me; his creative passion was something to behold, and it was the first time I had been a muse for someone.
Before then I had mutually ended a relationship with someone who's still a dear friend, and had been settling into the idea that maybe romantic love just wasn't in the cards for me. I was thinking that I would be one of those northwest Arkansas cryptids, associated with the Dickson St. Bookshop but also the subject of strange rumors about who I was and what I did with my life. It would have been a fun existence, if a bit of a lonely one.
R. was the first time I really felt like...someone saw me and found me worthy. That I was better than anyone had given me credit for, and it was OK to realize that. I'm still...struggling with that bit, but R. makes me feel loved, whole, and connected to the world. He challenges me out of my comfort zone when I need it, loves me unconditionally, and his passion for life, for depth, constantly inspires me to think about what's really important.
R. IS a little prickly, a little contradictory. He is simultaneously an uncompromising man and an insecure kid who believes he can never be a part of something. He's a loving, deeply-caring person who is consistently frustrated by others. He's always trying to be better than he was yesterday, always wants to do something new. He loves life even when it's painful, confusing, maddening. I love him, and he loves me.
He is the reason I believe it's still possible to be part of a world that feels hostile, too big, too immovable. He has made me a better person in so many ways, and I'm so very grateful that we get to figure out this whole crazy life together.
We're going to Selby's tonight, a restaurant in Atherton (ugh), to celebrate. I'm hoping I can splurge on an anniversary present when we hit the Renaissance Faire this weekend. If I remember, I'll even post pictures!
I was in Arkansas when we first met on Tapestries. He was a giant beefy skunk and I was a little tiger-striped rabbit. The first thing that caught my eye (besides his frankly super-hot description) was the button that said "Size is no guarantee of quality." It was so interesting to me that someone would put that much work into a description that emphasized size and then wear a button calling all of that into question. It was intriguingly contradictory, a bit prickly, and said that he brought something more to the table than being hot.
So we talked and bonded over poetry. I told him I wrote some, sent it to him, and he gave me a bluntly honest critique. It stung a little, but it was honestly fair. This was someone who knew what he was about, took writing seriously, took MY writing seriously. I was smitten from that point on.
But I was also fairly oblivious to being flirted with and even though we spent a LOT of time together after that it took him just telling me he wanted to date me to get he was interested in that way. He spent so much time wooing me; his creative passion was something to behold, and it was the first time I had been a muse for someone.
Before then I had mutually ended a relationship with someone who's still a dear friend, and had been settling into the idea that maybe romantic love just wasn't in the cards for me. I was thinking that I would be one of those northwest Arkansas cryptids, associated with the Dickson St. Bookshop but also the subject of strange rumors about who I was and what I did with my life. It would have been a fun existence, if a bit of a lonely one.
R. was the first time I really felt like...someone saw me and found me worthy. That I was better than anyone had given me credit for, and it was OK to realize that. I'm still...struggling with that bit, but R. makes me feel loved, whole, and connected to the world. He challenges me out of my comfort zone when I need it, loves me unconditionally, and his passion for life, for depth, constantly inspires me to think about what's really important.
R. IS a little prickly, a little contradictory. He is simultaneously an uncompromising man and an insecure kid who believes he can never be a part of something. He's a loving, deeply-caring person who is consistently frustrated by others. He's always trying to be better than he was yesterday, always wants to do something new. He loves life even when it's painful, confusing, maddening. I love him, and he loves me.
He is the reason I believe it's still possible to be part of a world that feels hostile, too big, too immovable. He has made me a better person in so many ways, and I'm so very grateful that we get to figure out this whole crazy life together.
We're going to Selby's tonight, a restaurant in Atherton (ugh), to celebrate. I'm hoping I can splurge on an anniversary present when we hit the Renaissance Faire this weekend. If I remember, I'll even post pictures!
