One More Drink, One More Drink
Sep. 13th, 2023 08:25 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jakebeYesterday wasn't quite as productive as Monday, but it was pretty decent. I keep going back and forth on the day job where I feel like I'm not doing enough and wouldn't be surprised if my boss was on the verge of firing me -- but then I remember I'm only making $23/hr for this and my boss would be telling me if she was unhappy with my work. I also haven't *really* been trained, so there's a lot that I just need to find out on my own -- or reach out to someone else who might have answers.
Almost everyone else I know are in higher-paying positions with more responsibilities, so it feels weird that I haven't been given a big project or shadowing a senior coworker to help offload some of their burden. I get a daily allotment of service orders to check. I provide notes for any errors I find, then reach out to my colleagues for the best way to handle things, and follow procedure as best I can. But there isn't a whole lot of documentation on how to do that and not a great way to get oriented with the insider terms. There's definitely a gap here that I think I could help with.
But it's still way too early for that. I only started at the end of July; next Monday, it'll be eight weeks. It'll be interesting to see where I am by the end of this month. Before the beginning of the next quarter, I'd like to chat with my manager about goals to set for Q4 2023. Mostly I'm sure that will be continuing my education in the services we provide here, but I'd also like to start a living document detailing exactly what we're supposed to be doing and how we're supposed to do it.
It's been an education for me, learning the boundaries I need to feel comfortable in my work. The more I go through life, the more important self-motivation and discipline feel as traits to develop. I'm slowly getting there, and I think the progress will come a little easier now that I can more fully appreciate just what those can accomplish.
One fun thing yesterday was returning to the world map I'm making for my D&D game. I'm still doing a lot of the nuts and bolts work, like creating the "frame" layer so I know where the compass, scale, legend, and title are meant to go. I've also cleaned up a lot of the "holdover" assets I had down for my first pass, so the random mountains and such are no longer on different layers. I think I'll need to include a tectonic plate map layer just to get a better sense of where the mountain ranges should be. Once the mountains are laid down, I can lay down the biomes, lakes, rivers and such -- and then, the political borders.
Once I accepted that this was going to be a process, with distinct steps each taking some time and concentration I got more into it. Of course, it also helps that we're on a bit of a hiatus for the game, so it feels like I have some breathing room to lay down the underpinnings of the world so I can plan out the rest of the campaign.
I'd also like to noodle around with the Oak's Home Pathfinder game, but I really shouldn't take on too much with this free time. One of the most important lessons for me to learn as someone with ADHD is to make sure I choose my projects carefully and actually finish the things I'm working on before trying something new.
Writing didn't happen yesterday because I was so focused on building the map. But also, managing my anxiety about it. One of the things I should figure out is how to more productively procrastinate at work. I spend an inordinate amount of time searching for the next YouTube video or just reading Buzzfeed articles. Replacing those habits with some quality time for my creative projects or even listening to videos that make me a better writer, worker, DM, etc. is a much better use of that time.
I think a lot of my procrastination is an unwillingness to admit to myself what I'd really like to spend my time doing. Like, there are so many writing ideas that sing to me but I'm not working on them because I feel the pressure to do other things. And even with those other things, the joy kinda gets sucked out of them because I'm so worried about something being good instead of being fun.
In order to be more fully present in life, I have to shift my instinctive perception from one that's always looking for danger to one that's always finding opportunities for fun. At work, with writing, with friends. It's just a much better way to live
Almost everyone else I know are in higher-paying positions with more responsibilities, so it feels weird that I haven't been given a big project or shadowing a senior coworker to help offload some of their burden. I get a daily allotment of service orders to check. I provide notes for any errors I find, then reach out to my colleagues for the best way to handle things, and follow procedure as best I can. But there isn't a whole lot of documentation on how to do that and not a great way to get oriented with the insider terms. There's definitely a gap here that I think I could help with.
But it's still way too early for that. I only started at the end of July; next Monday, it'll be eight weeks. It'll be interesting to see where I am by the end of this month. Before the beginning of the next quarter, I'd like to chat with my manager about goals to set for Q4 2023. Mostly I'm sure that will be continuing my education in the services we provide here, but I'd also like to start a living document detailing exactly what we're supposed to be doing and how we're supposed to do it.
It's been an education for me, learning the boundaries I need to feel comfortable in my work. The more I go through life, the more important self-motivation and discipline feel as traits to develop. I'm slowly getting there, and I think the progress will come a little easier now that I can more fully appreciate just what those can accomplish.
One fun thing yesterday was returning to the world map I'm making for my D&D game. I'm still doing a lot of the nuts and bolts work, like creating the "frame" layer so I know where the compass, scale, legend, and title are meant to go. I've also cleaned up a lot of the "holdover" assets I had down for my first pass, so the random mountains and such are no longer on different layers. I think I'll need to include a tectonic plate map layer just to get a better sense of where the mountain ranges should be. Once the mountains are laid down, I can lay down the biomes, lakes, rivers and such -- and then, the political borders.
Once I accepted that this was going to be a process, with distinct steps each taking some time and concentration I got more into it. Of course, it also helps that we're on a bit of a hiatus for the game, so it feels like I have some breathing room to lay down the underpinnings of the world so I can plan out the rest of the campaign.
I'd also like to noodle around with the Oak's Home Pathfinder game, but I really shouldn't take on too much with this free time. One of the most important lessons for me to learn as someone with ADHD is to make sure I choose my projects carefully and actually finish the things I'm working on before trying something new.
Writing didn't happen yesterday because I was so focused on building the map. But also, managing my anxiety about it. One of the things I should figure out is how to more productively procrastinate at work. I spend an inordinate amount of time searching for the next YouTube video or just reading Buzzfeed articles. Replacing those habits with some quality time for my creative projects or even listening to videos that make me a better writer, worker, DM, etc. is a much better use of that time.
I think a lot of my procrastination is an unwillingness to admit to myself what I'd really like to spend my time doing. Like, there are so many writing ideas that sing to me but I'm not working on them because I feel the pressure to do other things. And even with those other things, the joy kinda gets sucked out of them because I'm so worried about something being good instead of being fun.
In order to be more fully present in life, I have to shift my instinctive perception from one that's always looking for danger to one that's always finding opportunities for fun. At work, with writing, with friends. It's just a much better way to live
