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jakebe
Hey there, all...
A lot of the stress and slowly building anger regarding my roommate went away this morning as we actually talked things over. I could feel myself relaxing slowly but surely as things got worked out. We both said a lot of things we needed to say to each other, so that was good...even though I was slightly annoyed that he seemed to be suffering a grudge about a miscommunication. He's got a bit of a pariah complex that's making him hold onto it, even though I thought it was all resolved for weeks now. Ah well, I *think* it's well and truly buried for now.
I noticed a slow, but noticeable trend towards creeping inwards on myself, internalizing a lot of feelings and seeking companionship less and less. At least, RL...well, on-line, too. Most of the time I get on-line I'm just looking for something to occupy my time, maybe a meaningless tryst or two to get rocks off...nothing really connect-worthy or nothing built from a desire to really bond with people.
I've been plagued with a loss of empathy, a loss of connection, a loss of...well, any kind of direction. I feel like whatever personality I've had is fading into this greyish mass of knee-jerk responses that I lock into whenever situation A happens. That's definitely not a good thing.
I've been writing slowly but surely this week, so that's pretty good. Now that I'm working with a good rhythm, I can start working my way up to larger projects, namely Attempts No. 5 and 6.
DuncanRoo's birthday was last weekend, and of course I was late for it. Supposedly he's celebrating at home with a few friends and once again the cold stab of jealousy touched me. I'm not really in any position to get him anything that he'd really appreciate, so I guess I'm going to rest on my laurels and do nothing, and just watch him slide further away towards people who *do* things for him. Hmm...that entire last sentence was made to let me feel sorry for myself. I'm hope I'm done with that. :)
Anyway, I'll think of some other 'just-because' present later, when I'm prepared to be generous. The random gifts are much more fun to give anyway.
Hopefully, the great room switch will be going on today, so I might be off for a few days while the phone line follows me into the bigger room. It shouldn't be too big a deal, but you never know...the way things have been going lately... :P
Things are good, all in all, despite my bitching. I'm just in a mood to focus on the negative today. I really need to stop that
A lot of the stress and slowly building anger regarding my roommate went away this morning as we actually talked things over. I could feel myself relaxing slowly but surely as things got worked out. We both said a lot of things we needed to say to each other, so that was good...even though I was slightly annoyed that he seemed to be suffering a grudge about a miscommunication. He's got a bit of a pariah complex that's making him hold onto it, even though I thought it was all resolved for weeks now. Ah well, I *think* it's well and truly buried for now.
I noticed a slow, but noticeable trend towards creeping inwards on myself, internalizing a lot of feelings and seeking companionship less and less. At least, RL...well, on-line, too. Most of the time I get on-line I'm just looking for something to occupy my time, maybe a meaningless tryst or two to get rocks off...nothing really connect-worthy or nothing built from a desire to really bond with people.
I've been plagued with a loss of empathy, a loss of connection, a loss of...well, any kind of direction. I feel like whatever personality I've had is fading into this greyish mass of knee-jerk responses that I lock into whenever situation A happens. That's definitely not a good thing.
I've been writing slowly but surely this week, so that's pretty good. Now that I'm working with a good rhythm, I can start working my way up to larger projects, namely Attempts No. 5 and 6.
DuncanRoo's birthday was last weekend, and of course I was late for it. Supposedly he's celebrating at home with a few friends and once again the cold stab of jealousy touched me. I'm not really in any position to get him anything that he'd really appreciate, so I guess I'm going to rest on my laurels and do nothing, and just watch him slide further away towards people who *do* things for him. Hmm...that entire last sentence was made to let me feel sorry for myself. I'm hope I'm done with that. :)
Anyway, I'll think of some other 'just-because' present later, when I'm prepared to be generous. The random gifts are much more fun to give anyway.
Hopefully, the great room switch will be going on today, so I might be off for a few days while the phone line follows me into the bigger room. It shouldn't be too big a deal, but you never know...the way things have been going lately... :P
Things are good, all in all, despite my bitching. I'm just in a mood to focus on the negative today. I really need to stop that
