jakebe | The Situation Room (Reply)

Conversation I had with my roommate this morning:

(First, a bit of context. Roommate has a propensity for picking up animals and keeping them as pets, which I don't really mind all that much. Hey, I like animals, too. However, lately he's picked up a kitten with the stated intention of finding him a proper home. I know this won't happen, and he's likely to keep it. Unfortunately, I'm pretty damned allergic to cats and went through a hell of a time with his other cat, Thesaurus, when I moved in. I would dare say the constant allergies and the general stress of moving is what triggered the bout of bronchitis I got last October.)

Him: Well, it looks like I'll be keeping the kitten.

Me: Great.

Him: Well, we've all grown attached, and Thesaurus likes him. Besides, it's not that bad...

Me: Oh? You don't know how bad my allergies have been for the past week and a half.

Him: Not to sound rude, inconsiderate or insensitive, but you're leaving anyway.

Me: I figured that would be the tack you'd take. It doesn't mean I have to be uncomfortable for the next 6 weeks.

Him: *chuckle*

This is pretty much the same level of respect and consideration I've gotten for the past two months. In that time I've had to take my food being eaten, mysteriously appearing boogers on the shower wall (even though his proposed reason for their appearance -- the Weekly Beatings -- are going on only once a month here), an RPG I was in being removed from the apartment without my knowledge or consent, the decision to hold Weekly Beatings again without my input, four possums coming to stay with us, a kitten, etc. etc. Now I'll pretty much keep to my room for the rest of my time here unless I want to drop the money on good non-drowsy allergy medication.

I don't want to be the bad guy here. He has a right to a kitten, sure, but you would think that consideration for someone he considers his best friend and roommate would factor into his decision. And really, this isn't about just the kitten. It's about the fact that my wishes and requests are more-often-than-not ignored, brushed aside, or at best managed only when it's convenient. This doesn't feel like my home, hasn't since I've gotten here. He promised to help me move and didn't. He scheduled an RPG session the same day as the Super Bowl, which pretty much meant I had to miss my last Super Bowl party because I was an integral part of the gaming group. (That game ultimately dissolved about a month later.) He doesn't listen to me when I talk about things that excite me (I've stopped trying to talk to him about them a long time ago), but always wants to talk about things that excite him. And he wonders why our relationship has been strained for the last bit of time.

It's really easy to think that he doesn't really give a damn about me other than the money I give him for rent and bills, despite his protests to the contrary. Don't get me wrong, my roommate is a good guy and everything. He's been a good friend of mine for almost as long as I've been in Arkansas. He helped me through the worst depression of my life, let me stay on his couch for free when I came out of the worst breakup of my life, he's done quite a bit for me over the past few years. But really, how can I think he cares about me at this point?

I can't make him care, and most conversations about this either result in flat-out denials that he doesn't or gestures meant more to prove he can do what I ask him than as genuine expressions of warmth. I'm tired of feeling marginalized, disrespected and disregarded. And I pretty much have by him going on about a year now.

The only thing for it, I guess, is to buy some allergy medicine, grin and bear it, keep my head down and nose clean for the next five weeks.

Beyond that, life has been going pretty well. I told my mother about my intentions to get to California this week, and she was surprisingly mellow about it. I've been having a blast with my friends here for the last little bit, and I've even been getting alone time (thought that was mostly because of AnthroCon). Everyone's been great. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I'm really going to miss Fayetteville. But not cats.