Dostoevsky In A Blender
Mar. 3rd, 2002 03:40 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jakebe
Hey there, all...
I just pulled another 5 hours or so at work, even though it was my day off. So guess what that means? 16 days straight working at E-Z Mart, and another week of substantial overtime. Gods, I'm tired.
I've been kind of cleaning out a lot of psychic garbage that's been building for a little while...you know, stuff that I've been needing to say to a lot of people for a while now, but haven't had the guts to up until this point. Apologizing where appropriate, telling people to fuck off where necessary...it's been cool, and surprisingly easy, but there's still quite a bit of hesitancy with people I care about, or in situations that I'm not quite as sure about it. Small steps, Ellie, small steps.
I told Joey I wanted more space in the apartment, and I thought he had been really inconsiderate about my rights when I was paying the same amount of rent he does. He seemed actually really sorry about it, and I found that the whole 'hostile situation' that had been building for a month or so was actually just an accidental clash of personalities that could have been nipped in the bud if only I had said something right off. That'll teach me to be quiet and easy-going. :P
I'm struggling with the issue of being drawn right now...as much as I really hate the fact that it does, the fact that I can't seem to get drawn very much bothers me. Maybe it's the fatigue combined with the fact that I've had to endure an excessive amount of talk about how so many furs are so very fortunate to have so *many* great artists draw them. I admit, I'm getting pretty jealous. A while ago, I wouldn't have even been prepared to admit that....
Being drawn isn't everything, of course...but it certainly would be nice. I really shouldn't even complain, especially since I have *such* a hard time even approaching an artist for a commission. I'm being a bit unreasonable, probably, but I *still* feel this way, and I need to work on it. Either pay people to draw me more, or shut the hell up, right? :)
Nonetheless, I'm in a pretty romantic mood. I saw "American Beauty" again tonight and I cried for a good 15 minutes around the end. I think I've finally nailed down why I 'get' that movie so well; there's this sense of awakening, or re-connection that is so desperately needed this day and age. Too many people don't really know themselves; they just go through the motions because they feel they need to in order to survive. Lester Burnham somehow managed to break free of that, even though he was hopelessly mired in his situation.
Alan Ball, I imagine, is a lot like the Creepy Weirdo kid who runs off with Jane. He knows his own personal Truth, and is ultimately confident with it, and he can point out the flaws in modern-day suburban culture with uncanny accuracy. It's just...beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. So beautiful that it's heart-breaking.
Things aren't so bad after all.
I just pulled another 5 hours or so at work, even though it was my day off. So guess what that means? 16 days straight working at E-Z Mart, and another week of substantial overtime. Gods, I'm tired.
I've been kind of cleaning out a lot of psychic garbage that's been building for a little while...you know, stuff that I've been needing to say to a lot of people for a while now, but haven't had the guts to up until this point. Apologizing where appropriate, telling people to fuck off where necessary...it's been cool, and surprisingly easy, but there's still quite a bit of hesitancy with people I care about, or in situations that I'm not quite as sure about it. Small steps, Ellie, small steps.
I told Joey I wanted more space in the apartment, and I thought he had been really inconsiderate about my rights when I was paying the same amount of rent he does. He seemed actually really sorry about it, and I found that the whole 'hostile situation' that had been building for a month or so was actually just an accidental clash of personalities that could have been nipped in the bud if only I had said something right off. That'll teach me to be quiet and easy-going. :P
I'm struggling with the issue of being drawn right now...as much as I really hate the fact that it does, the fact that I can't seem to get drawn very much bothers me. Maybe it's the fatigue combined with the fact that I've had to endure an excessive amount of talk about how so many furs are so very fortunate to have so *many* great artists draw them. I admit, I'm getting pretty jealous. A while ago, I wouldn't have even been prepared to admit that....
Being drawn isn't everything, of course...but it certainly would be nice. I really shouldn't even complain, especially since I have *such* a hard time even approaching an artist for a commission. I'm being a bit unreasonable, probably, but I *still* feel this way, and I need to work on it. Either pay people to draw me more, or shut the hell up, right? :)
Nonetheless, I'm in a pretty romantic mood. I saw "American Beauty" again tonight and I cried for a good 15 minutes around the end. I think I've finally nailed down why I 'get' that movie so well; there's this sense of awakening, or re-connection that is so desperately needed this day and age. Too many people don't really know themselves; they just go through the motions because they feel they need to in order to survive. Lester Burnham somehow managed to break free of that, even though he was hopelessly mired in his situation.
Alan Ball, I imagine, is a lot like the Creepy Weirdo kid who runs off with Jane. He knows his own personal Truth, and is ultimately confident with it, and he can point out the flaws in modern-day suburban culture with uncanny accuracy. It's just...beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. So beautiful that it's heart-breaking.
Things aren't so bad after all.
