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jakebe
I have a lot to talk about.
In Peter S. Beagle's The Last Unicorn, one of the main antagonists is this creature named the Red Bull. A mad king somehow captures him and uses him for his ends, one of which is to chase down the Unicorn, who's arguably the protagonist of the book. Of all the fantastic, dream-like creatures in the book, Beagle makes the Red Bull perhaps the most esoteric, so you're never quite sure whether he's real or not. His size is so fantastic it can only be spoken of in metaphor, and his power is so immense the other characters aren't even given the chance to try to resist it. The imagery he uses to describe the absoluteness of the Bull's might, and the powerlessness of everyone else in the face of it, struck me as particularly terrifying, attractive and masterful all at the same time. Long after I've forgotten entire other novels I've read, the image of Schmendrick and Tessa unable to find their feet in the wake of the Red Bull's passing, or his dogged, tense near-capture of the Unicorn night after night sticks with me. It's a potent, alluring symbol.
In many ways, I consider![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
toob my Red Bull; when he's near he's all I see, and I often find myself completely helpless in his wake. He looms so large in my emotional mindscape that it's hard to differentiate the curve of his shoulder, say, from the curve of the sky. When thoughts of him rush in I'm flung about like chaff, and it's just impossible to find my feet again. I don't think anyone has ever made me feel so weak in the face of love, ever. It's an amazing, frightening, completely confusing feeling, and I'm not sure if the metaphor is flattering or embarrassing.
Usually, when it comes to attraction, I'm completely oblivious. It takes someone beating me down with a blunt andwet, throbbing heavy object to notice that they're actually attracted. Almost all of my boyfriends have broached the subject with me first, and usually my response is a stunned, "What? Really?!?" I just don't think I ever really show enough of myself for anyone to decide they really love me. With Tube, though, it's been a constant, almost embarrassingly strong display of affection, and I'm finally coming around to the idea that he might actually *mean* all this love business. The initial distrust is wearing away pretty quickly at this point, mainly because he keeps throwing roses at it.
In Peter S. Beagle's The Last Unicorn, one of the main antagonists is this creature named the Red Bull. A mad king somehow captures him and uses him for his ends, one of which is to chase down the Unicorn, who's arguably the protagonist of the book. Of all the fantastic, dream-like creatures in the book, Beagle makes the Red Bull perhaps the most esoteric, so you're never quite sure whether he's real or not. His size is so fantastic it can only be spoken of in metaphor, and his power is so immense the other characters aren't even given the chance to try to resist it. The imagery he uses to describe the absoluteness of the Bull's might, and the powerlessness of everyone else in the face of it, struck me as particularly terrifying, attractive and masterful all at the same time. Long after I've forgotten entire other novels I've read, the image of Schmendrick and Tessa unable to find their feet in the wake of the Red Bull's passing, or his dogged, tense near-capture of the Unicorn night after night sticks with me. It's a potent, alluring symbol.
In many ways, I consider
toob my Red Bull; when he's near he's all I see, and I often find myself completely helpless in his wake. He looms so large in my emotional mindscape that it's hard to differentiate the curve of his shoulder, say, from the curve of the sky. When thoughts of him rush in I'm flung about like chaff, and it's just impossible to find my feet again. I don't think anyone has ever made me feel so weak in the face of love, ever. It's an amazing, frightening, completely confusing feeling, and I'm not sure if the metaphor is flattering or embarrassing.Usually, when it comes to attraction, I'm completely oblivious. It takes someone beating me down with a blunt and
[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<:)>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]
I have a lot to talk about.
<lj-cut text="Term of endearment, or corporate symbol?">
In Peter S. Beagle's <i>The Last Unicorn</i>, one of the main antagonists is this creature named the Red Bull. A mad king somehow captures him and uses him for his ends, one of which is to chase down the Unicorn, who's arguably the protagonist of the book. Of all the fantastic, dream-like creatures in the book, Beagle makes the Red Bull perhaps the most esoteric, so you're never quite sure whether he's real or not. His size is so fantastic it can only be spoken of in metaphor, and his power is so immense the other characters aren't even given the chance to try to resist it. The imagery he uses to describe the absoluteness of the Bull's might, and the powerlessness of everyone else in the face of it, struck me as particularly terrifying, attractive and masterful all at the same time. Long after I've forgotten entire other novels I've read, the image of Schmendrick and Tessa unable to find their feet in the wake of the Red Bull's passing, or his dogged, tense near-capture of the Unicorn night after night sticks with me. It's a potent, alluring symbol.
In many ways, I consider <user site="livejournal.com" user="toob"> my Red Bull; when he's near he's all I see, and I often find myself completely helpless in his wake. He looms so large in my emotional mindscape that it's hard to differentiate the curve of his shoulder, say, from the curve of the sky. When thoughts of him rush in I'm flung about like chaff, and it's just impossible to find my feet again. I don't think anyone has ever made me feel so weak in the face of love, ever. It's an amazing, frightening, completely confusing feeling, and I'm not sure if the metaphor is flattering or embarrassing.
Usually, when it comes to attraction, I'm completely oblivious. It takes someone beating me down with a blunt and <s>wet, throbbing</s> heavy object to notice that they're actually attracted. Almost all of my boyfriends have broached the subject with me first, and usually my response is a stunned, "What? Really?!?" I just don't think I ever really show enough of myself for anyone to decide they really love me. With Tube, though, it's been a constant, almost embarrassingly strong display of affection, and I'm finally coming around to the idea that he might actually *mean* all this love business. The initial distrust is wearing away pretty quickly at this point, mainly because he keeps throwing roses at it. <:) anyway,="Anyway," what="what" this="this" all="all" comes="comes" down="down" to="to" is="is" the="the" realization="realization" that="that" i="I" have="have" an="an" 'official'="'official'" nickname="nickname" for="for" my="my" beloved,="beloved," but="but" i="I" really="really" wouldn't="wouldn't" want="want" him="him" to="to" think="think" i'm="I'm" claiming="claiming" him="him" as="as" a="a" rather="rather" disgusting="disgusting" energy="energy" drink.="drink." :)=":)" </lj-cut="</lj-cut">
**************
<lj-cut text="Cupid done made my butt sore.">
This Valentine's Day was amazing; I stayed up late just so I could open the package Tube sent me, because I know I would have had nightmares about it eating me alive or such otherwise. My lack of patience was very much rewarded: I found a box full of packing peanuts! Oh, and some other stuff too. :)
A scented candle, a bar of dark chocolate with coffee, a mixed CD, a box of loose chamomile/lavender tea (it has one of the best scents I've ever enjoyed in tea) and a book of poetry by Billy Collins. If that wasn't enough, he also sent a half-dozen roses to my work *and* called me up to recite poetry by phone. It overwhelms me that he went so far to make the day special for me, I'm truly grateful. He made me cry several times. <:) i="I" always="always" love="love" the="the" big,="big," grandiose,="grandiose," stereotypically="stereotypically" syrupy="syrupy" and="and" romantic="romantic" displays="displays" of="of" affection.="affection." last="Last" year="year" for="for" valentine's="Valentine's" day="Day" i="I" hid="hid" a="a" bunch="bunch" of="of" presents="presents" all="all" over="over" the="the" apartment="apartment" (and="(and" mailbox)="mailbox)" and="and" left="left" rhyming="rhyming" clues="clues" attached="attached" to="to" each="each" one="one" for="for" the="the" location="location" of="of" the="the" next.="next." the="the" last="Last" present="present" was="was" a="a" pair="pair" of="of" tickets="tickets" to="to" a="a" buster="Buster" keaton="Keaton" film="film" playing="playing" at="at" the="the" walton="Walton" arts="Arts" center.="Center." although="Although" i="I" don't="don't" think="think" the="the" gift="gift" was="was" really="really" well-received,="well-received," i'm="I'm" pretty="pretty" proud="proud" of="of" the="the" fact="fact" that="that" i="I" even="even" pulled="pulled" it="it" off.="off." the="the" rhyming="rhyming" clues="clues" sucked,="sucked," though.="though." <:)="<:)" it="it" kind="kind" of="of" bums="bums" me="me" that="that" time,="time," distance="distance" and="and" financing="financing" makes="makes" it="it" difficult="difficult" to="to" do="do" what="what" i'd="I'd" really="really" *like*="*like*" to="to" do="do" for="for" him="him" in="in" return.="return." i="I" think="think" i="I" might="might" even="even" wait="wait" a="a" week="week" or="or" so="so" to="to" get="get" him="him" something="something" really="really" neat;="neat;" as="as" it="it" stands,="stands," most="most" of="of" what="what" i've="I've" got="got" is="is" a="a" parroting="parroting" of="of" his="his" present.="present." another="Another" week,="week," and="and" i'll="I'll" be="be" able="able" to="to" pull="pull" out="out" all="all" the="the" stops.="stops.">:)
</lj-cut>
***********************
<lj-cut text="An apology for the brusqueness of posts previous.">
Speaking of Valentine's Day, I'd like to apologize for being less than charitable to folks who're put in a bad mood because of the holiday. I'm not going to poo-poo on anyone's right to be sad, especially given how hairy people's romantic pasts can be. It's not the fact that this day can call up all of those old memories and past disappointments that I'm attacking, it's what people choose to do about it.
It seems to have become the fashion among our generation to crap all over holidays as a general rule. Yuletide/Christmas is the biggest example, with people decrying the corporate whore-ishness of the season (which is true) or the fact that it turns all too often into a family feud of the highest degree (also true). What gets to me about the constant holiday-bashing is that people never seem to realize that holidays, like all days (and other things for that matter), are really only what you make of them. True, Valentine's Day, Christmas and New Year's don't really *have* to be such a tremendously big deal. But they don't have to be another excuse to drag others into a huge pit of misery, either.
Depending on my mood in any particular year, every holiday takes on a different flavor. When I'm alone, Valentine's Day is a day of reflection on past relationships, or pondering through the philosophical minefield of the entire concept of "love." When I'm with someone, it's celebrating. It can be a day of mourning, or regret, or anger, or whatever. They're all equally valid; I'm not going to tell someone who's bummed to just get over themselves, and I'd hope people wouldn't tell me I'm being a corporate whore for buying someone flowers on a particular day when everyone's agreed to do so. I have sympathy for people who're in pain, but I don't have much tolerance for people who lash out at folks around them for it.
</lj-cut>
*****************
<lj-cut text="Death from above, above meaning Indiana.">
So <user site="livejournal.com" user="lazarusrat"> came down to visit over the weekend! It was a great weekend filled with many snuggles and bits of food. I have discovered that the rat does indeed come from a large family, and many other bits of personal info never meant to see the light of day. :)
<user site="livejournal.com" user="stickypawz"> and I picked him up from the airport on Thursday morning, and I blew right past him at baggage claim because I totally wasn't expecting the "Hello, I'm a survivalist." look. :) But we got it sorted out all right, and had lunch, and went home, then took the bus down to Dickson St. for work. Rumor has it that the ratty wandered aimlessly through downtown Fayetteville until it was safe to hang out at work, where we listened to The Postal Service and some other stuff, and I priced a lot of books. Then we went home and crashed out. <:) friday="Friday" i="I" had="had" to="to" go="go" to="to" work="work" early,="early," and="and" laz="Laz" messed="messed" with="with" my="my" firefox="Firefox" settings="settings" in="in" the="the" meantime.="meantime." after="After" i="I" got="got" off,="off," we="we" spent="spent" most="most" of="of" the="the" rest="rest" of="of" the="the" weekend="weekend" eating="eating" out,="out," watching="watching" movies="movies" (saw="(Saw" "the=""The" big="Big" lebowski,"="Lebowski,"" "the=""The" aviator,"="Aviator,"" and="and" "babe".)=""Babe".)" and="and" just="just" generally="generally" chatting.="chatting." there="There" was="was" so="so" much="much" we="we" *didn't*="*didn't*" do="do" over="over" the="the" weekend,="weekend," but="but" this="this" just="just" means="means" there's="there's" a="a" lot="lot" to="to" look="look" forward="forward" to="to" next="next" time="time" we="we" meet.="meet." </lj-cut="</lj-cut">
*******************
<lj-cut text="The dead head.">
There's so much I want to do these days: write, read, take a vow of silence, rabbit-proof the room (still), clean, and so many other things. I think Lazarus' visit reacquainted me with the idea that it feels very good to do good things, and I'm very refreshed about trying. I think living where I do kind of dulls you to the idea that people can be really appreciative, or that good deeds do have a positive effect. The very stark contrast in reactions between a roommate and my guest over making biscuits Sunday morning really drove the point home.
I didn't know this, but this week is currently <a href="http://www.actsofkindness.org/about/faq.asp">National Random Acts of Kindness Week</a>. I plan on celebrating this weekend in my own special way, and I invite other people to do the same. If folks are interested in sharing/exchanging different ideas for what can be done, I'm all about it. The <a href="http://www.actsofkindness.org">Acts of Kindness website</a> is a great way to get started. Yeah, we're in the middle of it, sort of, but there are still 5 days or so to get into it. You don't need to rely on a holiday to perform random acts of kindness, blah blah blah, but it *is* a good excuse to get started in on the habit. :)
</lj-cut>
There's loads of other stuff, too, but I really should get in on working. <:)
<lj-cut text="Term of endearment, or corporate symbol?">
In Peter S. Beagle's <i>The Last Unicorn</i>, one of the main antagonists is this creature named the Red Bull. A mad king somehow captures him and uses him for his ends, one of which is to chase down the Unicorn, who's arguably the protagonist of the book. Of all the fantastic, dream-like creatures in the book, Beagle makes the Red Bull perhaps the most esoteric, so you're never quite sure whether he's real or not. His size is so fantastic it can only be spoken of in metaphor, and his power is so immense the other characters aren't even given the chance to try to resist it. The imagery he uses to describe the absoluteness of the Bull's might, and the powerlessness of everyone else in the face of it, struck me as particularly terrifying, attractive and masterful all at the same time. Long after I've forgotten entire other novels I've read, the image of Schmendrick and Tessa unable to find their feet in the wake of the Red Bull's passing, or his dogged, tense near-capture of the Unicorn night after night sticks with me. It's a potent, alluring symbol.
In many ways, I consider <user site="livejournal.com" user="toob"> my Red Bull; when he's near he's all I see, and I often find myself completely helpless in his wake. He looms so large in my emotional mindscape that it's hard to differentiate the curve of his shoulder, say, from the curve of the sky. When thoughts of him rush in I'm flung about like chaff, and it's just impossible to find my feet again. I don't think anyone has ever made me feel so weak in the face of love, ever. It's an amazing, frightening, completely confusing feeling, and I'm not sure if the metaphor is flattering or embarrassing.
Usually, when it comes to attraction, I'm completely oblivious. It takes someone beating me down with a blunt and <s>wet, throbbing</s> heavy object to notice that they're actually attracted. Almost all of my boyfriends have broached the subject with me first, and usually my response is a stunned, "What? Really?!?" I just don't think I ever really show enough of myself for anyone to decide they really love me. With Tube, though, it's been a constant, almost embarrassingly strong display of affection, and I'm finally coming around to the idea that he might actually *mean* all this love business. The initial distrust is wearing away pretty quickly at this point, mainly because he keeps throwing roses at it. <:) anyway,="Anyway," what="what" this="this" all="all" comes="comes" down="down" to="to" is="is" the="the" realization="realization" that="that" i="I" have="have" an="an" 'official'="'official'" nickname="nickname" for="for" my="my" beloved,="beloved," but="but" i="I" really="really" wouldn't="wouldn't" want="want" him="him" to="to" think="think" i'm="I'm" claiming="claiming" him="him" as="as" a="a" rather="rather" disgusting="disgusting" energy="energy" drink.="drink." :)=":)" </lj-cut="</lj-cut">
**************
<lj-cut text="Cupid done made my butt sore.">
This Valentine's Day was amazing; I stayed up late just so I could open the package Tube sent me, because I know I would have had nightmares about it eating me alive or such otherwise. My lack of patience was very much rewarded: I found a box full of packing peanuts! Oh, and some other stuff too. :)
A scented candle, a bar of dark chocolate with coffee, a mixed CD, a box of loose chamomile/lavender tea (it has one of the best scents I've ever enjoyed in tea) and a book of poetry by Billy Collins. If that wasn't enough, he also sent a half-dozen roses to my work *and* called me up to recite poetry by phone. It overwhelms me that he went so far to make the day special for me, I'm truly grateful. He made me cry several times. <:) i="I" always="always" love="love" the="the" big,="big," grandiose,="grandiose," stereotypically="stereotypically" syrupy="syrupy" and="and" romantic="romantic" displays="displays" of="of" affection.="affection." last="Last" year="year" for="for" valentine's="Valentine's" day="Day" i="I" hid="hid" a="a" bunch="bunch" of="of" presents="presents" all="all" over="over" the="the" apartment="apartment" (and="(and" mailbox)="mailbox)" and="and" left="left" rhyming="rhyming" clues="clues" attached="attached" to="to" each="each" one="one" for="for" the="the" location="location" of="of" the="the" next.="next." the="the" last="Last" present="present" was="was" a="a" pair="pair" of="of" tickets="tickets" to="to" a="a" buster="Buster" keaton="Keaton" film="film" playing="playing" at="at" the="the" walton="Walton" arts="Arts" center.="Center." although="Although" i="I" don't="don't" think="think" the="the" gift="gift" was="was" really="really" well-received,="well-received," i'm="I'm" pretty="pretty" proud="proud" of="of" the="the" fact="fact" that="that" i="I" even="even" pulled="pulled" it="it" off.="off." the="the" rhyming="rhyming" clues="clues" sucked,="sucked," though.="though." <:)="<:)" it="it" kind="kind" of="of" bums="bums" me="me" that="that" time,="time," distance="distance" and="and" financing="financing" makes="makes" it="it" difficult="difficult" to="to" do="do" what="what" i'd="I'd" really="really" *like*="*like*" to="to" do="do" for="for" him="him" in="in" return.="return." i="I" think="think" i="I" might="might" even="even" wait="wait" a="a" week="week" or="or" so="so" to="to" get="get" him="him" something="something" really="really" neat;="neat;" as="as" it="it" stands,="stands," most="most" of="of" what="what" i've="I've" got="got" is="is" a="a" parroting="parroting" of="of" his="his" present.="present." another="Another" week,="week," and="and" i'll="I'll" be="be" able="able" to="to" pull="pull" out="out" all="all" the="the" stops.="stops.">:)
</lj-cut>
***********************
<lj-cut text="An apology for the brusqueness of posts previous.">
Speaking of Valentine's Day, I'd like to apologize for being less than charitable to folks who're put in a bad mood because of the holiday. I'm not going to poo-poo on anyone's right to be sad, especially given how hairy people's romantic pasts can be. It's not the fact that this day can call up all of those old memories and past disappointments that I'm attacking, it's what people choose to do about it.
It seems to have become the fashion among our generation to crap all over holidays as a general rule. Yuletide/Christmas is the biggest example, with people decrying the corporate whore-ishness of the season (which is true) or the fact that it turns all too often into a family feud of the highest degree (also true). What gets to me about the constant holiday-bashing is that people never seem to realize that holidays, like all days (and other things for that matter), are really only what you make of them. True, Valentine's Day, Christmas and New Year's don't really *have* to be such a tremendously big deal. But they don't have to be another excuse to drag others into a huge pit of misery, either.
Depending on my mood in any particular year, every holiday takes on a different flavor. When I'm alone, Valentine's Day is a day of reflection on past relationships, or pondering through the philosophical minefield of the entire concept of "love." When I'm with someone, it's celebrating. It can be a day of mourning, or regret, or anger, or whatever. They're all equally valid; I'm not going to tell someone who's bummed to just get over themselves, and I'd hope people wouldn't tell me I'm being a corporate whore for buying someone flowers on a particular day when everyone's agreed to do so. I have sympathy for people who're in pain, but I don't have much tolerance for people who lash out at folks around them for it.
</lj-cut>
*****************
<lj-cut text="Death from above, above meaning Indiana.">
So <user site="livejournal.com" user="lazarusrat"> came down to visit over the weekend! It was a great weekend filled with many snuggles and bits of food. I have discovered that the rat does indeed come from a large family, and many other bits of personal info never meant to see the light of day. :)
<user site="livejournal.com" user="stickypawz"> and I picked him up from the airport on Thursday morning, and I blew right past him at baggage claim because I totally wasn't expecting the "Hello, I'm a survivalist." look. :) But we got it sorted out all right, and had lunch, and went home, then took the bus down to Dickson St. for work. Rumor has it that the ratty wandered aimlessly through downtown Fayetteville until it was safe to hang out at work, where we listened to The Postal Service and some other stuff, and I priced a lot of books. Then we went home and crashed out. <:) friday="Friday" i="I" had="had" to="to" go="go" to="to" work="work" early,="early," and="and" laz="Laz" messed="messed" with="with" my="my" firefox="Firefox" settings="settings" in="in" the="the" meantime.="meantime." after="After" i="I" got="got" off,="off," we="we" spent="spent" most="most" of="of" the="the" rest="rest" of="of" the="the" weekend="weekend" eating="eating" out,="out," watching="watching" movies="movies" (saw="(Saw" "the=""The" big="Big" lebowski,"="Lebowski,"" "the=""The" aviator,"="Aviator,"" and="and" "babe".)=""Babe".)" and="and" just="just" generally="generally" chatting.="chatting." there="There" was="was" so="so" much="much" we="we" *didn't*="*didn't*" do="do" over="over" the="the" weekend,="weekend," but="but" this="this" just="just" means="means" there's="there's" a="a" lot="lot" to="to" look="look" forward="forward" to="to" next="next" time="time" we="we" meet.="meet." </lj-cut="</lj-cut">
*******************
<lj-cut text="The dead head.">
There's so much I want to do these days: write, read, take a vow of silence, rabbit-proof the room (still), clean, and so many other things. I think Lazarus' visit reacquainted me with the idea that it feels very good to do good things, and I'm very refreshed about trying. I think living where I do kind of dulls you to the idea that people can be really appreciative, or that good deeds do have a positive effect. The very stark contrast in reactions between a roommate and my guest over making biscuits Sunday morning really drove the point home.
I didn't know this, but this week is currently <a href="http://www.actsofkindness.org/about/faq.asp">National Random Acts of Kindness Week</a>. I plan on celebrating this weekend in my own special way, and I invite other people to do the same. If folks are interested in sharing/exchanging different ideas for what can be done, I'm all about it. The <a href="http://www.actsofkindness.org">Acts of Kindness website</a> is a great way to get started. Yeah, we're in the middle of it, sort of, but there are still 5 days or so to get into it. You don't need to rely on a holiday to perform random acts of kindness, blah blah blah, but it *is* a good excuse to get started in on the habit. :)
</lj-cut>
There's loads of other stuff, too, but I really should get in on working. <:)
