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3 Feb: Reboot
Feb. 3rd, 2025 08:59 am
I spent the weekend down with the plague that's been going around -- or one version of it, anyway. There was a lot of coughing, though less than both Snepperboo and Rattyboo; the thing that sucked most was the overall sense of fatigue. I spent most of Thursday on feeling like a fat sack of crap, getting winded whenever I had to do anything.
The shortness of breath in particular reminded me of COVID, though our tests came up negative. I imagine it's just a particularly nasty respiratory infection of some sort, which is never a great time for me. After getting bronchitis in my 20s, those illnesses are specifically scary for me. There's a...weird dread in feeling this vital function within your body not working like it's supposed to, having to labor way too much for something you've always taken for granted. And when you're just lying there, in bed, and it feels like your lungs are half-filled with gel...it sucks.
As I get older I notice how much more worse colds feel. They've always felt bad, but when you're a kid you mostly just get on with it -- and when you can't your parents look after you, keep you topped off, and let you watch whatever you want on TV. Even when you give yourself permission to just...do nothing and rest, there's this feeling that pops into your head that's... "Is this what it feels like to die?"
I'm not sure if anyone else gets that feeling when they're sick. But the laboring for breath, the lack of energy, the way it feels like your very life-force is draining -- that feels like a new, adults-only feature that I'm not a big fan of. There's a weariness that edges everything, this sense that there are only so many more of these fights in you. One day, it'll be too much to fight for breath, and your lungs won't be able to inhale again.
Maybe I'm just...sensitive about this sort of thing. I've suffered from life-long allergic asthma and was only diagnosed somewhere in my early 30s, and I have overall "diminished lung capacity". Breathing is something I'm always working a little harder at, so when my already limited functionality goes further, it means a lot more. For the most part, I just try to get on with it. It's my job to manage it as best I can, and I could be doing a better job of that. There's a maintenance inhaler I should be taking every day to help strengthen my lungs but I haven't been consistent with it. I should definitely make vacuuming the upstairs of the new burrow a fairly big priority now that Goldie (our beloved household cat) is out most days. And I should *definitely* be building up my cardio fitness; the park near the new burrow is a quarter-mile, so it wouldn't be hard to map out a one- or two-mile run around the neighborhood.
But first, there's still a bit of settling to be done. The household illness set us back about two weeks, but we're working on getting the burrow in its final "lived-in" state again. Right now that means going through the remaining boxes and clearing out the clutter, taking another pass at the shared spaces to combine our resources and make the best use of space we can, and...doing a shitload of laundry to clean and reorganize our linens and things. I don't want to be overconfident, but I think we'll be 90% there by the end of the month.
Now that the move is officially behind us, I can refocus on where I'd like to improve. I've signed up for 4thewords, this neat little online writing portal that gamifies the daily practice -- basically, your little Word Warrior defeats monsters by completing a specific word count in a certain amount of time. There's a light story that helps motivate you toward those goals, and neat little armor sets to dress up your Word Warrior with. And there's a social component that helps with accountability and everything!
First I'll use it for "Swiftie's Intergalactic", the long-gestating story that I will stop talking about and definitely write this time. *nods* I'm trying hard not to build it up to be more than it is; a way for me to rediscover writing as an outlet. That alone is the whole point.
My brain is starting to regather itself from the sickness and the move chaos. It feels good to be a bit more grounded again. :)
The shortness of breath in particular reminded me of COVID, though our tests came up negative. I imagine it's just a particularly nasty respiratory infection of some sort, which is never a great time for me. After getting bronchitis in my 20s, those illnesses are specifically scary for me. There's a...weird dread in feeling this vital function within your body not working like it's supposed to, having to labor way too much for something you've always taken for granted. And when you're just lying there, in bed, and it feels like your lungs are half-filled with gel...it sucks.
As I get older I notice how much more worse colds feel. They've always felt bad, but when you're a kid you mostly just get on with it -- and when you can't your parents look after you, keep you topped off, and let you watch whatever you want on TV. Even when you give yourself permission to just...do nothing and rest, there's this feeling that pops into your head that's... "Is this what it feels like to die?"
I'm not sure if anyone else gets that feeling when they're sick. But the laboring for breath, the lack of energy, the way it feels like your very life-force is draining -- that feels like a new, adults-only feature that I'm not a big fan of. There's a weariness that edges everything, this sense that there are only so many more of these fights in you. One day, it'll be too much to fight for breath, and your lungs won't be able to inhale again.
Maybe I'm just...sensitive about this sort of thing. I've suffered from life-long allergic asthma and was only diagnosed somewhere in my early 30s, and I have overall "diminished lung capacity". Breathing is something I'm always working a little harder at, so when my already limited functionality goes further, it means a lot more. For the most part, I just try to get on with it. It's my job to manage it as best I can, and I could be doing a better job of that. There's a maintenance inhaler I should be taking every day to help strengthen my lungs but I haven't been consistent with it. I should definitely make vacuuming the upstairs of the new burrow a fairly big priority now that Goldie (our beloved household cat) is out most days. And I should *definitely* be building up my cardio fitness; the park near the new burrow is a quarter-mile, so it wouldn't be hard to map out a one- or two-mile run around the neighborhood.
But first, there's still a bit of settling to be done. The household illness set us back about two weeks, but we're working on getting the burrow in its final "lived-in" state again. Right now that means going through the remaining boxes and clearing out the clutter, taking another pass at the shared spaces to combine our resources and make the best use of space we can, and...doing a shitload of laundry to clean and reorganize our linens and things. I don't want to be overconfident, but I think we'll be 90% there by the end of the month.
Now that the move is officially behind us, I can refocus on where I'd like to improve. I've signed up for 4thewords, this neat little online writing portal that gamifies the daily practice -- basically, your little Word Warrior defeats monsters by completing a specific word count in a certain amount of time. There's a light story that helps motivate you toward those goals, and neat little armor sets to dress up your Word Warrior with. And there's a social component that helps with accountability and everything!
First I'll use it for "Swiftie's Intergalactic", the long-gestating story that I will stop talking about and definitely write this time. *nods* I'm trying hard not to build it up to be more than it is; a way for me to rediscover writing as an outlet. That alone is the whole point.
My brain is starting to regather itself from the sickness and the move chaos. It feels good to be a bit more grounded again. :)
