My Lane of Resistance

I'm still unsure of my ultimate reaction to the election, but I think I'm not going to fall apart over it. I don't think it will harden me to the wider world, either. But it is forcing me to think about being tough enough to survive whatever's coming, which I know won't be pleasant. 

I mentioned to a coworker that it feels like we're stuck between two existential crises: either the country outright descends into white supremacist fascism, or we have to face an increasingly-hostile climate without a competent government helping us. Of the two, it's the latter I'm most worried about. Precisely when we should be investing in alternative energies, preparing our grid for the transition to renewables and updating our infrastructure for the future -- we'll have someone in office who will strip-mine the entire economy to give billionaires an unprecedented transfer of wealth and power. Best-case scenario, we're on our own. 

And I have to sit with the fact that my fellow Americans put us on this road. This is the future they've chosen for us. As part of my thawing out from the freeze response I've been stuck in for years, I had been softening on the idea that the Trump voter is irredeemably stupid or hateful. I still don't think the folks who voted for Trump are evil or too stupid to live, but it still doesn't matter. I don't care why you chose Trump, or didn't do more to stop him. The fact is you chose this fate, so I'm just going to leave you to it. 

All I can do is protect myself and the people in my "tribe" from the harms to come, so that's where I will be putting my energy. We can't rely on our institutions to help us, because if they aren't uninterested in our survival they're advocating for our extinction. It's time to take our futures into our own hands. 

So I've been researching mutual-aid networks and how to build them. My brief stint as a community manager has given me a taste for that kind of organization, and I believe I have the skillset that would make me good at it. I'd like to build this network among my friends and found family, and teach ourselves how to exist as a discrete group. How can we share resources for the betterment of all? How can we handle disagreements so that the goal is consensus, not division? How can we rebuild the sense of civic responsibility that has eroded even among those of us on the left?

I'd like to spend the remaining few months of the Biden administration building the foundation of organized assistance and resistance we'll need to weather a 2nd Trump administration. I realize that living in California affords me a measure of safety and privilege that a lot of others don't have, but I'm hoping that the lessons I learn through organizing my first collective can help others find their tribe, organize, and help. 

But I also know my own limitations. I won't have this level of energy forever; at some point I'll be over-capacity and need to rest/recover. I can be incredibly disorganized, and my ability to follow through is...not great. I don't want to pull people along with me on this "lark" only to abandon them when my own demons come knocking. If I expect others to commit to this thing we're building, I *have* to do the same. So that means being vulnerable enough to know where I'm most likely to fail, and what I need to ask for in order to make this sustainable. 

"Be the change you want to see in the world." It's an adage I keep coming back to when I'm especially anxious about the state of things. What can I change within myself that would get the world a little closer to, say, an enlightenment? Right now, it's resisting the urge to shrink in fear, to isolate and disconnect. It's learning how to weather the difficult parts of interacting with people. And it's being honest about my flaws so that I minimize the harm they bring to any group I join. 

Right now, it feels like the path forward is clear. We're going into a dark forest full of terrors, with a short time to prepare for it. Best get busy.