What You Do is Who You Are

We re-watched Kung Fu Panda 2 over the weekend and it wasn't as...disappointing as I had absorbed over time. It's certainly a departure from the first movie in that it deals with more mature themes and there's less comedy in the premise -- but that makes sense to me given the arc Po goes through in the movie. He's already been through the Hero's Journey, which is something we really love as an audience, so it's a little difficult to relate to "Heroic Po learning lessons as he becomes more mature". 

I could go on about that, but for now let me say that Po's journey through the Kung Fu Panda movies really stood out to me as something different. In the sequel he doesn't ever doubt his worth as the Dragon Warrior and he doesn't need to re-learn the lesson that you can be yourself AND a bad ass at the same time. He already knows that! What he learns is that in order to keep learning, to keep growing into your best self, you have to both accept your past and let it go. Your past definitely shapes who you are, but your choices ultimately determines the person you become. 

Given what I've been dealing with internally this summer, it was something I sorely needed to hear. Like Po, I was adopted, and that...messes with you in certain ways. The isolated feeling, that fundamental "difference", suddenly there's a reason for that and this brand new avenue for more answers. Maybe you can learn more about who you are if you really know where you come from; maybe the emotions and reactions that don't make sense to you will suddenly have some meaning. 

In Po's case, it does...somewhat. He learns about the tragedy that forced his parents to abandon him, why pandas are so rare in this universe, and why he has a goose for a father. None of those answers bring him the inner peace he was seeking though; he had to step up and martial the training he already had in order to face the intense emotions that threatened to bury him with his remembered past, and he did. It's a lot harder for a story to externalize an internal struggle, but it felt like they did the best they could. Lord Shen, the awesome-animated peacock villain, was also dealing with childhood trauma. But instead of accepting and integrating that into the rest of his story, he made that his *entire* story. He visited suffering on others because he couldn't let go of the suffering he was going through. 

It was a very good reminder for me. Yeah, I've been through a lot of trauma that I haven't accepted and integrated yet. There are still a lot of demons I'm fighting instead of inviting in for tea. And it's because I haven't "trained" myself to handle it -- not that Po did either, but he found a way to encourage his better angels and make his...idiosyncracies work for him. That continues into Kung Fu Panda 3 while also making room for Shifu to develop his own unique path to enlightenment. Master Shifu and Master Po are very different teachers, but they're excellent examples of how much of a kaleidoscope enlightenment truly is. It might look like a bald guy in robes meditating on a mountaintop. But it also might be a fat black guy humming in his kitchen while he's making dinner. Both scenes are beautiful, and both being shine with their own inner light. 

This week we'll be hosting a dear old friend from Paris. It's been over a year since we've last seen him, so it'll be wonderful catching up with him. It'll also be a wonderful chance to demonstrate my refined hosting skills. ;) I'm still not *amazing* at homekeeping, but I've been getting steadily better and it'll be nice to exercise those particular muscles. 

We're entering a period of high activity again, I think. Physicsdog will be here for about a week; Sneppers has taken time off and I think Ratty has too, but I can't be sure. Non-work time will be spoken for making sure he's having a good time, and after that he'll be gone for a week to visit other American friends. I *think* Dore Alley is that weekend, so there's a good chance Sneppers will be occupied then. Then, in the beginning of August Physicsdog comes back for a second week of hosting -- along with birthday celebrations for me and him!

Overall, things are going reasonably well. There are a few friends going through hard times right now and there's the lingering feeling I haven't been very good friends to them, but I'm not sure if that's the usual shame whispering in my ear or if I could be more thoughtful. In one situation specifically, it's hard because I'm just not sure how to best serve AS a friend. Being forthright has never been my strong suit, especially when I anticipate it'll bring conflict with it, but I also have to stop hiding things in the name of keeping the peace. If anything, speaking up will be a learning experience for both of us. Even if the work is difficult, you can learn something from it.

This week I'll be focusing on grooming better -- face wash at night, flossing, CPAP machine, the whole bit. I'd like to clean and straighten the living room, especially the futon area, so that it's a bit more inviting as a hangout space. Since Physicsdog will be sleeping there, it would be nice to make it feel more like a mini-bedroom and less like an abandoned corner. :P