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Painful Hopeful Future
Jan. 1st, 2021 05:00 pmIt's 2021! We actually made it through that horrible year, but who knows what's waiting for us this time?
If I had to say there was a prevailing mood through my friends group over New Year's, I'd have to say it would be a hopeful wariness. In less than three weeks we'll have ushered out the Trump era so at least things won't actively be set ablaze every week to placate a madman's ego. But there's still so very much work to do, and it's hard to manage expectations when most of these problems are complex and pervasive. In any other new administration, I'd be content to give them 100 days to right the ship and start moving in a new direction; but with Trump and his allies being as obstinate as usual, and with control of the Senate still an undecided matter, we might not even get to see much movement on anything for a while.
Even still, it's not entirely clear how much the Biden administration will fight for what it wants or if any of their ideas will help. They're almost certainly better than what we have now, but with so much blind resistance from the GOP on the national and state levels, it's unclear how much federal intervention will actually work and whether or not we can get the epidemic under control. There's a vaccine, sure, but some individuals who help to roll it out have a keen political interest in it not working. I get the feeling we're going to be fighting the same people who want to destroy everything and will use whatever means they have at their disposal to do it -- while we're still expecting people to follow protocol.
That's the most frustrating thing; we now know one side won't think twice about throwing convention, tradition, and even the law overboard if it means they get to keep power. If Trump and his associates aren't going to be investigated, tried, and convicted under the rule of law, what point is there in pretending there's a justice system at all? One side knows the system is broken and uses that to their advantage, while the other...is willfully blind about just how much of our good-faith system has been destroyed.
I honestly don't know what to do about that; I don't think we should abandon our principles and adopt the "anything-goes" mindset that has infected the political right. But we have to stop expecting them to do anything but what's most likely going to keep them in power. We have to recognize that an entire political party has poisoned its base with bigotry, anti-intellectualism, anti-social behavior and now they're beholden to that group for better or worse. I don't know if there's a way back for the folks involved in this whole crazy crypto-fascist conspiracy theory ARG, and at this point I'm not interested in charting that course for them. I'm much more concerned about minimizing the damage they -- or the people they want to place in power -- can do.
I think I'm emerging out of this period a bit wiser, but definitely more cynical about others. I can't take it on good faith that people will try to do the right thing, or that you can have an open exchange of ideas that might one day change peoples' minds. I think that some people are beyond helping, and even though they have every right to be here as I do I no longer want to try and bridge that divide. If they can make it back to reality on their own dime, that's great. But I will not waste my energy trying to build a miracle.
It feels like I should feel worse about this, but I don't. I am what the times make of me, and while I will definitely try to be the best person I can be, I no longer think that includes giving people any of my time, attention, or willpower if I don't have to. Some people will just be shitty, and I'm not really interested in figuring out why or how we can get them to be less shitty. Not anymore.
Who knows, I might feel different in six months! But right now, I really want to focus on building and strengthening the community I've got; learning how to stand up for myself and what I believe in with more confidence; and honing the skills I really want in order to do both. I miss writing with the conviction that I was putting something out into the world that might help it. I realize I'm not a great writer, but I'll only become great if I practice. And too much of 2020 was spent just frozen.
I don't know exactly what form this practice will take, but I'm committing to it. I know who I am, and I know I have worth. I know that there are good people in this world, and that we can build a society we're proud of. But it's going to take work and discipline and dedication. And that takes energy I can't be throwing after bad people.
I think, more than anything, 2021 is me being OK with walking away from the people, movements, conversations, and philosophies that are toxic. Replacing them with something better will be the journey ahead of me.
If I had to say there was a prevailing mood through my friends group over New Year's, I'd have to say it would be a hopeful wariness. In less than three weeks we'll have ushered out the Trump era so at least things won't actively be set ablaze every week to placate a madman's ego. But there's still so very much work to do, and it's hard to manage expectations when most of these problems are complex and pervasive. In any other new administration, I'd be content to give them 100 days to right the ship and start moving in a new direction; but with Trump and his allies being as obstinate as usual, and with control of the Senate still an undecided matter, we might not even get to see much movement on anything for a while.
Even still, it's not entirely clear how much the Biden administration will fight for what it wants or if any of their ideas will help. They're almost certainly better than what we have now, but with so much blind resistance from the GOP on the national and state levels, it's unclear how much federal intervention will actually work and whether or not we can get the epidemic under control. There's a vaccine, sure, but some individuals who help to roll it out have a keen political interest in it not working. I get the feeling we're going to be fighting the same people who want to destroy everything and will use whatever means they have at their disposal to do it -- while we're still expecting people to follow protocol.
That's the most frustrating thing; we now know one side won't think twice about throwing convention, tradition, and even the law overboard if it means they get to keep power. If Trump and his associates aren't going to be investigated, tried, and convicted under the rule of law, what point is there in pretending there's a justice system at all? One side knows the system is broken and uses that to their advantage, while the other...is willfully blind about just how much of our good-faith system has been destroyed.
I honestly don't know what to do about that; I don't think we should abandon our principles and adopt the "anything-goes" mindset that has infected the political right. But we have to stop expecting them to do anything but what's most likely going to keep them in power. We have to recognize that an entire political party has poisoned its base with bigotry, anti-intellectualism, anti-social behavior and now they're beholden to that group for better or worse. I don't know if there's a way back for the folks involved in this whole crazy crypto-fascist conspiracy theory ARG, and at this point I'm not interested in charting that course for them. I'm much more concerned about minimizing the damage they -- or the people they want to place in power -- can do.
I think I'm emerging out of this period a bit wiser, but definitely more cynical about others. I can't take it on good faith that people will try to do the right thing, or that you can have an open exchange of ideas that might one day change peoples' minds. I think that some people are beyond helping, and even though they have every right to be here as I do I no longer want to try and bridge that divide. If they can make it back to reality on their own dime, that's great. But I will not waste my energy trying to build a miracle.
It feels like I should feel worse about this, but I don't. I am what the times make of me, and while I will definitely try to be the best person I can be, I no longer think that includes giving people any of my time, attention, or willpower if I don't have to. Some people will just be shitty, and I'm not really interested in figuring out why or how we can get them to be less shitty. Not anymore.
Who knows, I might feel different in six months! But right now, I really want to focus on building and strengthening the community I've got; learning how to stand up for myself and what I believe in with more confidence; and honing the skills I really want in order to do both. I miss writing with the conviction that I was putting something out into the world that might help it. I realize I'm not a great writer, but I'll only become great if I practice. And too much of 2020 was spent just frozen.
I don't know exactly what form this practice will take, but I'm committing to it. I know who I am, and I know I have worth. I know that there are good people in this world, and that we can build a society we're proud of. But it's going to take work and discipline and dedication. And that takes energy I can't be throwing after bad people.
I think, more than anything, 2021 is me being OK with walking away from the people, movements, conversations, and philosophies that are toxic. Replacing them with something better will be the journey ahead of me.
