![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Where Does Discipline Come From
Nov. 23rd, 2020 10:48 am
It's Thanksgiving week! It's a pretty controversial holiday this year, because every event in 2020 has to be controversial. With the COVID epidemic reaching new heights of infection (and death toll), the general consensus is that it's most responsible to shelter in place for the holiday. For a nation weary of canceling holidays this year, it feels like a step too far -- so folks are ignoring the advice and getting together anyway. We're likely to see a new explosion of infections, hospitalizations, and deaths in December because of that.
I get why people are tired of sheltering in place. We've been doing it since March over here, and with the third wave solidly washing over the country there isn't going to be an end in sight. I wouldn't be surprised if we were coming out of a harsher lockdown by March 2021. But at the same time, the patchwork nature of COVID restrictions, combined with the hyper-politicization of basic science, means that what we could have controlled relatively easily will continue to be a struggle for us in years to come. This could have been a dress rehearsal for a more devastating pandemic to come, just to get our ducks in a row. The next pandemic, whenever it happens, is going to be really bad.
This week will be a short one at work for most of us, but fairly difficult. Two of the leads have taken the entire week off, which leaves us with just one (who's been out since July) learning the ropes of his new position while training a new employee in a space he's had nothing to do with. This lead will also be the only "senior" support person online through Thanksgiving weekend, right when we're dropping Black Friday sales. I feel really bad for him, but I've also only taken four days off this year and worked more overtime this year than at any other point in life. I'm taking this long weekend.
That being said, I'm also trying hard to be more disciplined this month but...as usual...it's fairly difficult. The stress of work and the grip of intertia makes it harder to pick up good habits, while the semi-depressive state I've been in most of the year makes it harder than usual to stick to the habits I've already developed. It's going to require a fairly significant chance in thinking to get where I want to go, but that's fine. It's past time for that, and I like the idea of being more present with what I'm doing instead of worrying about all the things I'm not. Even though it's more stressful to be directly engaged with things, it's worth it just to be able to connect on a deeper level.
R. and I just sealed a re-commitment to getting in shape with a Predator Handshake(tm), which is not something that either of us does lightly. I'll be logging my meals again to get a better sense of my caloric intake and supplementing that with frequent walks and/or runs, perhaps bodyweight exercises or yoga practice at home. I really could stand to be more flexible and improve my posture, and there's something attractive about learning how to be present in my own body, really pay attention to the way it feels and the limits of what it can do.
We'll see how it goes. I have to balance the desire to be better with the understanding of my particular challenges and limitations. There are definitely going to be days where I just don't feel like doing anything good for me, and those will be the toughest. If I can manage to consistently fight through resistance to set up my future self for greater success, that's what I'd love to do.
We didn't do too much over the weekend, mostly watched things and played games. I picked up Spiritfarer, which feels potentially stressful if I'm not careful. There's an awful lot to manage and even though I've played for an hour or two I'm still at the stage where each new experience complicates things a bit. Even still, the game itself is lovely and the idea of hugging friendly furry creatures as they process their own passing is too good to pass up. It just might be that Animal Crossing has some real competition for my attention now.
This week, the focus will be on writing, reading, exercise, and burrow cleaning. I'll be starting in on laundry this evening, and trying to take care of messes a bit more quickly. Writing on "A Bearable Partner" will continue as well, so hopefully I'll be able to submit it on this, the last week of November. It will be my only Patreon episode this month, which kind of sucks. I'm really hoping I can build the momentum to finish December strong with "Swiftie's Intergalactic".
Right now I'm reading the first volume for Order of the Stick, which has been good so far but merely...diverting. I know it gets a lot better, pretty quickly after that, but it's not like it's a struggle to get through now! I just...haven't been in the habit of reading very much at all for a long time, and I'd like to get back to it.
For so much of this year I thought I would have the opportunity to slow down, and in many ways I have. But what this year has also taught me is that I've gotten too used to terrible practices for blowing off steam, and I could stand to be a lot more mindful with the things I do for rest. That brings this weird paradox of my relaxation time being a point of stress, but I'm trying hard not to think of it that way. It's better to think of this whole project as...realigning my relaxation time with the person I truly am. Reading invigorates me! So does writing. I've just been in my own head about it for so long it's tough to remember that. This holiday season is where I get to do so.
I get why people are tired of sheltering in place. We've been doing it since March over here, and with the third wave solidly washing over the country there isn't going to be an end in sight. I wouldn't be surprised if we were coming out of a harsher lockdown by March 2021. But at the same time, the patchwork nature of COVID restrictions, combined with the hyper-politicization of basic science, means that what we could have controlled relatively easily will continue to be a struggle for us in years to come. This could have been a dress rehearsal for a more devastating pandemic to come, just to get our ducks in a row. The next pandemic, whenever it happens, is going to be really bad.
This week will be a short one at work for most of us, but fairly difficult. Two of the leads have taken the entire week off, which leaves us with just one (who's been out since July) learning the ropes of his new position while training a new employee in a space he's had nothing to do with. This lead will also be the only "senior" support person online through Thanksgiving weekend, right when we're dropping Black Friday sales. I feel really bad for him, but I've also only taken four days off this year and worked more overtime this year than at any other point in life. I'm taking this long weekend.
That being said, I'm also trying hard to be more disciplined this month but...as usual...it's fairly difficult. The stress of work and the grip of intertia makes it harder to pick up good habits, while the semi-depressive state I've been in most of the year makes it harder than usual to stick to the habits I've already developed. It's going to require a fairly significant chance in thinking to get where I want to go, but that's fine. It's past time for that, and I like the idea of being more present with what I'm doing instead of worrying about all the things I'm not. Even though it's more stressful to be directly engaged with things, it's worth it just to be able to connect on a deeper level.
R. and I just sealed a re-commitment to getting in shape with a Predator Handshake(tm), which is not something that either of us does lightly. I'll be logging my meals again to get a better sense of my caloric intake and supplementing that with frequent walks and/or runs, perhaps bodyweight exercises or yoga practice at home. I really could stand to be more flexible and improve my posture, and there's something attractive about learning how to be present in my own body, really pay attention to the way it feels and the limits of what it can do.
We'll see how it goes. I have to balance the desire to be better with the understanding of my particular challenges and limitations. There are definitely going to be days where I just don't feel like doing anything good for me, and those will be the toughest. If I can manage to consistently fight through resistance to set up my future self for greater success, that's what I'd love to do.
We didn't do too much over the weekend, mostly watched things and played games. I picked up Spiritfarer, which feels potentially stressful if I'm not careful. There's an awful lot to manage and even though I've played for an hour or two I'm still at the stage where each new experience complicates things a bit. Even still, the game itself is lovely and the idea of hugging friendly furry creatures as they process their own passing is too good to pass up. It just might be that Animal Crossing has some real competition for my attention now.
This week, the focus will be on writing, reading, exercise, and burrow cleaning. I'll be starting in on laundry this evening, and trying to take care of messes a bit more quickly. Writing on "A Bearable Partner" will continue as well, so hopefully I'll be able to submit it on this, the last week of November. It will be my only Patreon episode this month, which kind of sucks. I'm really hoping I can build the momentum to finish December strong with "Swiftie's Intergalactic".
Right now I'm reading the first volume for Order of the Stick, which has been good so far but merely...diverting. I know it gets a lot better, pretty quickly after that, but it's not like it's a struggle to get through now! I just...haven't been in the habit of reading very much at all for a long time, and I'd like to get back to it.
For so much of this year I thought I would have the opportunity to slow down, and in many ways I have. But what this year has also taught me is that I've gotten too used to terrible practices for blowing off steam, and I could stand to be a lot more mindful with the things I do for rest. That brings this weird paradox of my relaxation time being a point of stress, but I'm trying hard not to think of it that way. It's better to think of this whole project as...realigning my relaxation time with the person I truly am. Reading invigorates me! So does writing. I've just been in my own head about it for so long it's tough to remember that. This holiday season is where I get to do so.
