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Coronavirus SIP, Day 25
Apr. 6th, 2020 08:04 am
A great deal of the weekend was spent in glorious sloth. Well, not *really* -- I did actually get in some exercise, a bit of burrow cleaning, and a little bit of self-improvement. But for the most part? I didn't really do anything, and it was awesome.
There are some indications that self-isolation is working in the states where it was implemented early, and I'm quite grateful for that. Still, New York has been hit incredibly hard, and so has New Orleans. Seattle seems to have calmed down somewhat, too. But the economic impact of the pandemic is sure to linger for a good long while and there's every chance we're do for a second round of this in the fall and winter. All things considered, we could spend up to a third of the year sheltering in place.
I sincerely hope that we spend the summer trying to brace for a recurrence of the coronavirus at the end of the year. It would be nice to make sure we have the number of masks that we need, that we've built emergency ventilators that can be sent to the hardest-hit areas, that we have a plan for hospital overflow and quarantine procedures. I think we can expect some of the states to make that their focus, but I wouldn't be surprised if the federal government went right back to campaigning for re-election.
Thinking about it is a bit overwhelming, to be honest. One of the things that I'm worried about with all of this is that it's revealed who I would be in an emergency situation. You'd like to think that you would be one of those people to step up and do what was best for your fellow man, helping out with morale, trying to offer more tangible help where you could, rallying your community to come together. But honestly? I'm tired and scared all of the time, and most of the time I just want to shut the world out and escape to someplace that doesn't feel so heavy.
It's disappointing that I'm not the person I thought I was, but I'm trying to make space for that. I don't think there's anything wrong with being scared, or being overwhelmed -- in fact, it's quite natural to feel that way. But it's important to think about what we do in reaction to that fear. The pandemic has exposed where I am in my quest for equanimity, and that I have a fair bit to go before I'm able to be the kind of person I want to be. In a way, that's good -- it means that I know myself better and can move towards that a bit more clearly. I know what I need to overcome.
This week, I'll be trying to pull a rainbow just about every day this week. It's ambitious, for sure, but building a consistent routine is what this time is for, right? I'll be sitting down to think about the time I have to get everything done and scheduling when it all gets done. I understand that it might be a little tricky to context-switch on the fly, so I'm trying to include a good 10 or 15 minute buffer between different tasks, just to give myself time to reset. That being said, it'll be a bit of a trick to get everything in, every day.
I sincerely hope that focusing on myself and building better habits will get me closer to the person I'd like to be. At the same time, I also just need to recognize my limits. I'm not sure that I'm ever going to be a community organizer. People exhaust and frustrate me too much. But at the very least, I can learn how to do my part to make the world a better place in my own way. It might be through sorting my thoughts or writing fiction that serves as the escape I so desperately need these days. It might be by connecting people to other people so that they can help each other. It might be by talking about my spiritual journey. There's more than one way to help, and as long as the desire to do so is there, I'll find a way.
There are some indications that self-isolation is working in the states where it was implemented early, and I'm quite grateful for that. Still, New York has been hit incredibly hard, and so has New Orleans. Seattle seems to have calmed down somewhat, too. But the economic impact of the pandemic is sure to linger for a good long while and there's every chance we're do for a second round of this in the fall and winter. All things considered, we could spend up to a third of the year sheltering in place.
I sincerely hope that we spend the summer trying to brace for a recurrence of the coronavirus at the end of the year. It would be nice to make sure we have the number of masks that we need, that we've built emergency ventilators that can be sent to the hardest-hit areas, that we have a plan for hospital overflow and quarantine procedures. I think we can expect some of the states to make that their focus, but I wouldn't be surprised if the federal government went right back to campaigning for re-election.
Thinking about it is a bit overwhelming, to be honest. One of the things that I'm worried about with all of this is that it's revealed who I would be in an emergency situation. You'd like to think that you would be one of those people to step up and do what was best for your fellow man, helping out with morale, trying to offer more tangible help where you could, rallying your community to come together. But honestly? I'm tired and scared all of the time, and most of the time I just want to shut the world out and escape to someplace that doesn't feel so heavy.
It's disappointing that I'm not the person I thought I was, but I'm trying to make space for that. I don't think there's anything wrong with being scared, or being overwhelmed -- in fact, it's quite natural to feel that way. But it's important to think about what we do in reaction to that fear. The pandemic has exposed where I am in my quest for equanimity, and that I have a fair bit to go before I'm able to be the kind of person I want to be. In a way, that's good -- it means that I know myself better and can move towards that a bit more clearly. I know what I need to overcome.
This week, I'll be trying to pull a rainbow just about every day this week. It's ambitious, for sure, but building a consistent routine is what this time is for, right? I'll be sitting down to think about the time I have to get everything done and scheduling when it all gets done. I understand that it might be a little tricky to context-switch on the fly, so I'm trying to include a good 10 or 15 minute buffer between different tasks, just to give myself time to reset. That being said, it'll be a bit of a trick to get everything in, every day.
I sincerely hope that focusing on myself and building better habits will get me closer to the person I'd like to be. At the same time, I also just need to recognize my limits. I'm not sure that I'm ever going to be a community organizer. People exhaust and frustrate me too much. But at the very least, I can learn how to do my part to make the world a better place in my own way. It might be through sorting my thoughts or writing fiction that serves as the escape I so desperately need these days. It might be by connecting people to other people so that they can help each other. It might be by talking about my spiritual journey. There's more than one way to help, and as long as the desire to do so is there, I'll find a way.
