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The Myth of the New Beginning
Feb. 24th, 2011 01:35 pm
We’re coming up on the third month of the new year already. Where does the time go? It seems like yesterday I was just coming back from Las Vegas, buzzing with excitement about a new way of pulling off New Year’s resolutions that was bound to meet with more success than previous years. After so much failure, I felt like I had an experiment that could crack the ‘code’ of getting a habit to stick.
Now? I’m still struggling with writing, losing weight and keeping my focus. Why? Because I’ve always had a struggle with writing, losing weight and keeping my focus. I’ve been trying to shed pounds for a couple of years now, and I keep bouncing between 185 and 190. I’ve tried to turn the dozens of ideas for short stories, serials and novels I’ve had into something tangible, and I run into a wall every time. I set clear goals time and time again, break them down into manageable chunks with clear deadlines, and every time I watch those deadlines race by with nowhere close to the amount of work I thought I’d have done by then. It’s a pattern.
What’s going on here? I’m not a stupid guy. I’m not lazy. (At least, I don’t think I am.) I’m just easily distracted and ruled by fear. That fear of failure is overriding every good intention I have; if I try, and don’t make it, that’s worse than never having tried at all.
Or so I think. Is that an easy answer? Is there something else at work? To be honest, I really don’t know. My self-disciplined crumbled under the weight of high school and I haven’t been able to put it back together since. It’s been nearly fourteen years since I’ve seen a major project to completion. That’s...not very good. Not good at all.
We all like to think that change is easy. We believe that dropping bad habits is as simple as deciding to drop them. And for some people, that’s absolutely true. For me, though, I have the momentum of a decade and a half of slackerhood to fight against every time I want to achieve something. Whatever muscles I use for the struggle are weak. I’m not used to prolonged and sustained effort. Short, excited bursts of activity are all I’m good for, and then I’m spent. It’s back to pastries, wasting time and following any old thing that catches my fancy.
This isn’t meant to be a plea for sympathy or reassurance. It is a bit self-flagellating, I’ll admit, but it’s frustrating to know that I’ve been making the easy choices for so long that it’s become habit. A habit that, I’ll admit, I don’t seem to be having much success in breaking.
More than that, I think I just needed to state that I’m having trouble, and why that is so. I think the only solution is to keep ‘working out’ those muscles. Put in the effort for as long as I can until I give out. Rest, then put in more effort. Each time, I should be able to keep it up for a little bit longer. It’s not about how many times you get knocked down. It’s about how many times you get back up. Or something like that. :)
Nose is going back to the grindstone. Wish me luck, folks.
Now? I’m still struggling with writing, losing weight and keeping my focus. Why? Because I’ve always had a struggle with writing, losing weight and keeping my focus. I’ve been trying to shed pounds for a couple of years now, and I keep bouncing between 185 and 190. I’ve tried to turn the dozens of ideas for short stories, serials and novels I’ve had into something tangible, and I run into a wall every time. I set clear goals time and time again, break them down into manageable chunks with clear deadlines, and every time I watch those deadlines race by with nowhere close to the amount of work I thought I’d have done by then. It’s a pattern.
What’s going on here? I’m not a stupid guy. I’m not lazy. (At least, I don’t think I am.) I’m just easily distracted and ruled by fear. That fear of failure is overriding every good intention I have; if I try, and don’t make it, that’s worse than never having tried at all.
Or so I think. Is that an easy answer? Is there something else at work? To be honest, I really don’t know. My self-disciplined crumbled under the weight of high school and I haven’t been able to put it back together since. It’s been nearly fourteen years since I’ve seen a major project to completion. That’s...not very good. Not good at all.
We all like to think that change is easy. We believe that dropping bad habits is as simple as deciding to drop them. And for some people, that’s absolutely true. For me, though, I have the momentum of a decade and a half of slackerhood to fight against every time I want to achieve something. Whatever muscles I use for the struggle are weak. I’m not used to prolonged and sustained effort. Short, excited bursts of activity are all I’m good for, and then I’m spent. It’s back to pastries, wasting time and following any old thing that catches my fancy.
This isn’t meant to be a plea for sympathy or reassurance. It is a bit self-flagellating, I’ll admit, but it’s frustrating to know that I’ve been making the easy choices for so long that it’s become habit. A habit that, I’ll admit, I don’t seem to be having much success in breaking.
More than that, I think I just needed to state that I’m having trouble, and why that is so. I think the only solution is to keep ‘working out’ those muscles. Put in the effort for as long as I can until I give out. Rest, then put in more effort. Each time, I should be able to keep it up for a little bit longer. It’s not about how many times you get knocked down. It’s about how many times you get back up. Or something like that. :)
Nose is going back to the grindstone. Wish me luck, folks.
