Out, But Not Down

I woke up this morning, did a quick and panicked check of the news sites to make sure the world was the same as it was when I went to sleep. They reassured me Barack Obama is still our President-Elect, and that he won in a very decisive victory over Sen. John McCain. Nearly 350 electoral votes to McCain's 160 or so. Obama gathered 52% of the popular vote, the first time in at least 30 years that a Democratic candidate won a majority of the vote in a national election.

It feels like a tremendous weight has been lifted off my shoulders. It's the first time I can ever remember actually being optimistic about the future of this country and the world. I know that there are enormous challenges to face in the coming four years, but for the first time in a long time I think that our government is actually going to be part of the solution, as opposed to the problem. It's such an enormous, relieving feeling, and I'm sure there are a lot of people out there who know how great it feels.

To wingywoof, ladyperegrine, daroneasa and other people who poured our their hearts to get out the vote and make sure Obama won, thank you so much. You guys are an inspiration to me, and it's really awesome to see people so engaged in their communities again. After a long, long period of divisiveness and cynicism, I think this is a watershed moment in bringing our country back together again.

On the other hand, while 52% of the electorate across the country decided to put a black man in the White House for the first time, that same percentage of Californians decided to eliminate my right to marry. It's a lot closer than it sounds, and there are still a lot of votes to be counted (we should know how much tomorrow) but it looks like Proposition 8 is going to pass.

Folks are reasonably upset about this. Someone put it this way: "It's odd to me that we decided to give rights to a chicken (Proposition 2) and take them away from gay people in the same election." It's a slight blow to my ego to know where I stand with so many voters in-state.

But you know, toob has the right idea. No matter what happens to the legal recognition of our union, we're still married. All of you scrapped and fought and shouted and donated and volunteered to make sure that our rights were upheld, and our community is strong and sure. The fact that people aren't quite ready to accept that doesn't change that. It doesn't make our love or our union any less real. If anything, it tests that bond and through that challenge we're strengthened. I've never seen Ryan more resolved and sure of himself than I've seen him over the past few days. I know that we aren't going anywhere.

The proponents of Proposition 8 have resorted to lying, smearing, vandalism, and violence to get this measure passed. They've been exceedingly ugly about it, and it's easy to get angry and bitter about the fact that for now, their brazen intolerance is being allowed to dictate social policy. It's easy to call the 52% of people in CA who voted for the measure stupid, hateful, ignorant and bigoted. It's easy to feel disillusioned with the democratic process, especially when most people let themselves be guided by fear, misinformation and the worst aspects of themselves. It's easy, but completely wrong.

The single most impressive thing about Obama's campaign, and the thing that I'm hoping becomes a more permanent fixture of politics, is the humanization of "the enemy." When he disagreed with McCain, he never attacked his character; he attacked his ideals and the reasoning behind them. Better yet, he consistently appealed to the better nature of people. He talked of hope, and unity, and the sacrifices we'll need to make to ensure a better world for future generations. He's restored responsibility, respect and restraint to the national discourse. It's possible to disagree with someone without disrespecting them again.

We need to be patient with the people who, through coercion by fear and lies, have decided to deny us our rights. We'll never win them over by reflecting their worst qualities right back on themselves. We're not going to win this by rhetoric and hatred, bullying, intolerant behavior, and generally assinine behavior. Saying "fuck you" right back to our neighbors is only escalating the bile, when what we really want is for everything to just stop and for us to be able to live our lives with the same recognition that they have. If we want to be treated as equals, we're going to have to start treating our "enemies" as such. We have to believe that they're good people, and that we can appeal to their better nature. We have to stop attacking their character; we should start attacking their ideas and the reasoning behind them.

As I write this, the next stage in the fight for gay civil rights is beginning. Proposition 8 will soon be beset with legal challenges from all sides. Instead of combating this hatred with more hatred, we should show our opponents the benefits that our love has had in our lives, how it's ennobled us. Sometimes you have to answer a slap in the face with something more rational than returned violence to wake people up to what they're doing.

I can't thank all of you enough for supporting toob and I in our marriage. I am married to a wonderful, intelligent man, and we're embedded in a community full of wonderful, intelligent, diverse people. And I think that if we open ourselves up to show this to our opponents, we just might be able to turn the tide of public opinion towards equality for everyone.