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Sep. 10th, 2005 10:30 am
If there is one thing that I can do well, it's cramming my lower leg into my mouth with people I respect and admire. Oy.
The Haze is now starting to wear off, and I kind of feel like being a 'normal' person again; engaged, thoughtful, opinionated (to a reasonable degree). This makes me wonder, really, how well I deal with trauma. I've had a sneaking suspicion that I just don't deal with stress well (even less so now that I haven't lived in a big city for what, 8 years now?), but this is sort of the clincher for me.
Everyone would like to think they're strong people, that they could hold up reasonably well under times that were even catastrophic. We (or at least I do) want to be like people in the movies, regular guys who somehow tap into an unnoticed resevoir of strength, will and endurance that is the birthright of every human being since the dawn of time.
One of the best things that can be done is recognizing your limitations; once you know what you can and can't do, you're better able to target your energies for what *really* needs improvement. I'm beginning to realize just how...weak I am when it comes to adverstiy. Arguing, anger, confrontational behavior...it makes me confused, depressed and weak. I just can't handle it.
Even when people has a just cause to be righteously indignant about (and you can be sure Hurricane Katrina and its aftermath was one of those things), being constantly exposed to it just makes me want to disengage totally, to retreat, to escape, to shut down. As much as I'd love to be able to be all hyper-Zen master ("In the eye of the storm, I am still David Cowan."), really I'm subject to the lemming-like behavior of humanity in mass. If people around me are panicking, there's a good chance I'll panic too. After all, an entire civilization of people can't be wrong, right?
Now that I'm...coming to terms with this, I'm not quite sure what to do about it, or if anything should be done at all. I mean, this particular issue is a primal, human one, not some failing or deficiency of my own. I get scared. I get overwhelmed. I freak out and retreat. To some, it might be considered cowardly. To me, it's just being human.
I'm not ubermensch.
The Haze is now starting to wear off, and I kind of feel like being a 'normal' person again; engaged, thoughtful, opinionated (to a reasonable degree). This makes me wonder, really, how well I deal with trauma. I've had a sneaking suspicion that I just don't deal with stress well (even less so now that I haven't lived in a big city for what, 8 years now?), but this is sort of the clincher for me.
Everyone would like to think they're strong people, that they could hold up reasonably well under times that were even catastrophic. We (or at least I do) want to be like people in the movies, regular guys who somehow tap into an unnoticed resevoir of strength, will and endurance that is the birthright of every human being since the dawn of time.
One of the best things that can be done is recognizing your limitations; once you know what you can and can't do, you're better able to target your energies for what *really* needs improvement. I'm beginning to realize just how...weak I am when it comes to adverstiy. Arguing, anger, confrontational behavior...it makes me confused, depressed and weak. I just can't handle it.
Even when people has a just cause to be righteously indignant about (and you can be sure Hurricane Katrina and its aftermath was one of those things), being constantly exposed to it just makes me want to disengage totally, to retreat, to escape, to shut down. As much as I'd love to be able to be all hyper-Zen master ("In the eye of the storm, I am still David Cowan."), really I'm subject to the lemming-like behavior of humanity in mass. If people around me are panicking, there's a good chance I'll panic too. After all, an entire civilization of people can't be wrong, right?
Now that I'm...coming to terms with this, I'm not quite sure what to do about it, or if anything should be done at all. I mean, this particular issue is a primal, human one, not some failing or deficiency of my own. I get scared. I get overwhelmed. I freak out and retreat. To some, it might be considered cowardly. To me, it's just being human.
I'm not ubermensch.
