Say It Straight and Plain

This morning, I decided that I would roll out of bed and run the block that contains my apartment complex, McDonald's and two hotels. All told, I think it's a good mile or so. Not so bad, I figure; I've run a mile before and while it wasn't a piece of cake it didn't really kill me either. So, as planned, the alarm woke me up a little early and, after sitting around for a few minutes to put my brain back together (it's always in pieces first thing in the morning) I went for a bit of a jog.

The weather always conspires against you when you're making plans. Today it was cold, miserable, rainy, and just windy enough to blow icy little droplets in your face to remind you that the weather is actively *trying* to be as miserable as possible. Normally, I'd take one look at those fat droplets coming down on puddles and turn right back inside, but this morning I was just too full of enthusiasm. I think it helped a lot that my boss has taken to calling me fat for the past couple weeks. Nothing like coworker motivation to make you overcome any obstacle. :)

I jogged from my front door to the first corner. My breath is starting to quicken, but it's no worries so far. By the second corner, in front of the McDonald's/gas station, I'm getting pretty winded, but it's all right. I'm halfway there, if I pace myself well I can make it. By the third corner, oxygen is becoming a precious commodity. It's right around here that I start to fall into a groove.

With your breath and heartbeat pounding in your ears, you become consciously aware of its rhythm. Three steps, breathe out. Inhale for two steps, breathe out on the third. You can tell how fast to place your feet by following the thump of blood behind your eardrums. If you can pay attention to keeping that rhythm right there, the fatigue setting into your legs doesn't hurt as bad, and the tightness of your chest isn't nearly as alarming. I rode this rhythm all the way to the fourth and final corner, and that's when a slight wave of euphoria hit me.

I'm almost there! Breath isn't coming easy, but if I can put one foot in front of the other just enough times I'll be back at my door. So that's what I did. And just like that, I'm back at my door. I open, collapse onto my futon, and ride a breathless high for several minutes.

In hindsight, I probably should have stretched before going out. I'll be sure to do that on Wednesday. But man, it felt amazing to open the day with the simple act of deciding to do something and then going right out and *doing* it. It made me feel pretty confident that I could do any little thing I set my mind to.

Walked right in to work, shelved books for six hours. A couple pockets of fatigue, but nowhere near the "I need to take frequent breaks" feeling I tend to get on Mondays. Ate pretty well all day, drank a lot of water, and I really feel...fine. Perhaps it's just the thrill of finally getting out and doing this for the first time, and the grand old feeling will die away in time. Hopefully not before I can start to make this a routine.

I need to step on a scale. Last time I weighed myself I was about 170 - 175. I hope it's held there; I'd hate to think I crept up to 180 or something. It's really weird to me that I could be...that heavy. Up until maybe 2 years ago, I was very much used to being on the smaller side of 150. I'd like to get back to maybe 150 - 155, but mainly I just want a flat stomach. <:) Spring is officially coalescing around northwest Arkansas; it rained for most of the day before we got an hour, maybe two of sunlight. In that stretch of late afternoon sun, the clouds broke up into all kinds of odd shapes and patterns that just loved to take the light and bend with it. Entire swaths of buildings were glowing while neighbors right across the street were turning on street lamps early. Sunlight got caught and thrown on thunderheads and smaller clouds, and every fifteen minutes you could see a completely different painting every time you looked up. The skies of Fayetteville are art in the spring. :) I did a *lot* of work today. Moved 20 boxes from the front to Peel's room, which is nothing to sneeze at for me, really. Someone sold off almost *all* of their Bukowski books (from Black Sparrow Press, no less), so we suddenly have a pretty respectable selection. I really don't give it the week; from what I understand Black Sparrow Press is no more, so any Bukowski book under the imprint should only get rarer as time goes on. If I knew a bit more about him (and had the disposable income) I'd probably snatch up a book or two. But maybe it's all for the best; I still haven't read any of the Snyder stuff I've gotten. Food: for breakfast, I had oatmeal and orange juice, for lunch chicken and rice soup with a roll and vanilla black tea. For dinner, Odis and I ate out at Slim Chicken's, which I thought was fairly acceptable. While it's not the best food in the world health-wise, it's a fair shake better than most fast food. I also limited myself to three pieces of candy at the Bookshop, and kept to water at all times. I think if I can keep up relatively healthy eating, my weight should start creeping back down here in a couple weeks. I'm crossing my fingers, anyway. Tonight, "The House of Sand and Fog." Jennifer Connelly continues to play roles in movies that make it really desperately hard to believe she could ever have been in anything conceived by Jim Henson. I will never ever see "Labyrinth" in the same way after watching "Requiem For A Dream." "Ass to ass."