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So, I'm falling into a serious, serious disbalance.
There's this issue that I've been avoiding for months now, that's becoming a bit much for me to take. I mean, it's not a life-and-death matter (for me at least), but...it's serious.
I don't know how much I've explained about my mom here. Basically, she's a Jehovah's Witness, and so was I. Then the whole homosexuality thing came up, and things went south. I was breaking away from the faith well before I came to terms with being gay, but that was the final nail in the coffin. Went to therapy for it and a bunch of other things, my therapist kind of outed me to my mom, and well, things *really* went south.
She said a few really hurtful things, and after two or three really awkward visits she said maybe I shouldn't come back when I left for college that fall. Being the hotheaded little teenager I was, I left home two weeks later and I haven't really been back since.
We've gotten in contact with each other since then (that was about four or five years ago), and a lot's changed. Time and age have mellowed her quite a bit, and we get along pretty well...as long as I don't mention Zen or liking guys. She's been baptized into the congregation now, and her faith in her religion is very, very strong. Now, though, she doesn't let that get in the way of her love for her family.
She lives alone now, with my nephew. My sister got pregnant by some fellow who, well, is a deadbeat, and now she's living with another guy that she supposedly really likes. He doesn't hit her or anything, but my mom says he's just a big enough loser for her not to like. I honestly think that it's just mom standards being applied here, and that my sister's current bf is probably OK, if not super-successful.
Anyway, my 73-year-old mother is taking care of a three-year-old, long after she should have retired and been doing all the things old people are supposed to do to enjoy life. She can barely keep her head above water with bills, frequently has to choose which utilities she's going to pay from month to month, and has to face sending my nephew through school. Apparently my mom took custody from my sister because she was too busy...being my sister up until now.
This is the kicker, even though my mother is struggling with money, even though she's going above and beyond the call of duty in being a grandmother, there doesn't seem to be much help for her. My sister is *finally* settling down on going to nursing school, and my aunts and uncles are wrapped up in their own lives too much to do anything for her. She gets more help from her congregation than any of us, which makes me wonder if she was mistaken at all putting religion above family.
I do what I can. I send her money (I'm paying for her car insurance on a regular basis), talk to her on the phone...but it doesn't seem like enough. Every time I talk to her, I feel like I should be moving back to Baltimore. Straight away. I just can't...bring myself to even approach the decision though.
First...how's religion going to come into this? I really don't relish the idea of being forced into going to meetings if I don't want to. I'm not going to stop being gay, even if I'm content to not let her see it under the terms of the unspoken truce. But I will hook up with a local sangha if I move there.
Second...how much help can I be? I'm making good money down here, but I'm not sure what would be available for me in the city. I do know that it's going to be more expensive to live there than here, eevn with my mom and I pooling resources. Instead of pulling her out of a bad situation, I might just get mired in as deep. I don't drive, and my skills are limited. I'm almost certain I could work at a used bookshop, but...I don't know.
Third...all future plans would die. Goodbye to Australia, or moving out to Cali, Minneapolis or Austin. I don't know how long, but I'd be in Baltimore for at least a couple years. I don't know if I'm ready to make a commitment for that long.
Still, my mother needs help and all I can think about is how it would affect me? Is that selfish? Is that appropriate? I feel like an utter bastard for even hesitating, but I am. I'd be giving up a *lot* by moving out there, and...I just don't know about the good I'd do. I'm almost positive it'd be better than me lobbing checks at her from afar.
It really fucking pisses me off that the world could let this woman get into such a bad way, and just look the other way. I have my issues with JWs, but her congregation have been really patient and helpful in a way that I or any of my other siblings have been lacking. Hats off to them.
I just don't know what to do.
There's this issue that I've been avoiding for months now, that's becoming a bit much for me to take. I mean, it's not a life-and-death matter (for me at least), but...it's serious.
I don't know how much I've explained about my mom here. Basically, she's a Jehovah's Witness, and so was I. Then the whole homosexuality thing came up, and things went south. I was breaking away from the faith well before I came to terms with being gay, but that was the final nail in the coffin. Went to therapy for it and a bunch of other things, my therapist kind of outed me to my mom, and well, things *really* went south.
She said a few really hurtful things, and after two or three really awkward visits she said maybe I shouldn't come back when I left for college that fall. Being the hotheaded little teenager I was, I left home two weeks later and I haven't really been back since.
We've gotten in contact with each other since then (that was about four or five years ago), and a lot's changed. Time and age have mellowed her quite a bit, and we get along pretty well...as long as I don't mention Zen or liking guys. She's been baptized into the congregation now, and her faith in her religion is very, very strong. Now, though, she doesn't let that get in the way of her love for her family.
She lives alone now, with my nephew. My sister got pregnant by some fellow who, well, is a deadbeat, and now she's living with another guy that she supposedly really likes. He doesn't hit her or anything, but my mom says he's just a big enough loser for her not to like. I honestly think that it's just mom standards being applied here, and that my sister's current bf is probably OK, if not super-successful.
Anyway, my 73-year-old mother is taking care of a three-year-old, long after she should have retired and been doing all the things old people are supposed to do to enjoy life. She can barely keep her head above water with bills, frequently has to choose which utilities she's going to pay from month to month, and has to face sending my nephew through school. Apparently my mom took custody from my sister because she was too busy...being my sister up until now.
This is the kicker, even though my mother is struggling with money, even though she's going above and beyond the call of duty in being a grandmother, there doesn't seem to be much help for her. My sister is *finally* settling down on going to nursing school, and my aunts and uncles are wrapped up in their own lives too much to do anything for her. She gets more help from her congregation than any of us, which makes me wonder if she was mistaken at all putting religion above family.
I do what I can. I send her money (I'm paying for her car insurance on a regular basis), talk to her on the phone...but it doesn't seem like enough. Every time I talk to her, I feel like I should be moving back to Baltimore. Straight away. I just can't...bring myself to even approach the decision though.
First...how's religion going to come into this? I really don't relish the idea of being forced into going to meetings if I don't want to. I'm not going to stop being gay, even if I'm content to not let her see it under the terms of the unspoken truce. But I will hook up with a local sangha if I move there.
Second...how much help can I be? I'm making good money down here, but I'm not sure what would be available for me in the city. I do know that it's going to be more expensive to live there than here, eevn with my mom and I pooling resources. Instead of pulling her out of a bad situation, I might just get mired in as deep. I don't drive, and my skills are limited. I'm almost certain I could work at a used bookshop, but...I don't know.
Third...all future plans would die. Goodbye to Australia, or moving out to Cali, Minneapolis or Austin. I don't know how long, but I'd be in Baltimore for at least a couple years. I don't know if I'm ready to make a commitment for that long.
Still, my mother needs help and all I can think about is how it would affect me? Is that selfish? Is that appropriate? I feel like an utter bastard for even hesitating, but I am. I'd be giving up a *lot* by moving out there, and...I just don't know about the good I'd do. I'm almost positive it'd be better than me lobbing checks at her from afar.
It really fucking pisses me off that the world could let this woman get into such a bad way, and just look the other way. I have my issues with JWs, but her congregation have been really patient and helpful in a way that I or any of my other siblings have been lacking. Hats off to them.
I just don't know what to do.
